The Owner's Bargains Shopping

The Owner has had a bit of a grumpy Sunday... I think it is a phase he is going through! He has had a row with the Sunday papers and I was a bit worried as Barney K9 pinched the middle section of his paper and took it off up the garden but The Owner has neither got to the middle of his paper yet or found the remains of the  missing pages up in the top of the garden.

 At about lunchtime and after he had opened himself a beer left over from yesterdays adventures, we went on a short patrol and finished up at the studio. Having walked through the door I was a little miffed to see The Owner through the windows open and grab his Sainsbugs bags. The frame of mind he was in this morning the Sainsbugs bags could easily have meant that he was going to Tesco's or Morrissons but as he left me and Barney K9 in the studio with the words "I'm off to Sainsbugs, you two will be better left here." in an unusual show of concern for our well being. 

He returned in a very unusually jovial frame of mind which means only one thing... he has found the bargain shelves well stocked. He struggled through the studio door laden with all kinds of goodies, including a fresh chicken and 'an exquisite Sancerre'. He also had another bag with wine bottles in I noticed and I can be fairly sure they will have been half price too. Having spent the remainder of the afternoon gainfully employed shouting at the computer we started our stroll home. For me, today has been remarkably blame free...so far. Barney K9 has to walk on a lead still but The Owner likes to give him a long lead. I don't need a lead (apart from the pub, pub rules), it's my breeding showing through I think you'll find! So we start the journey home with The Owner on one side of the road and Barney K9 on the other and the lead stretched between the two, and The Owner, laden with Sainsbugs bags loaded with the spoils from his foray to the shops. I was rather busy sniffing at stuff so was left a little behind and scampered up the road to catch them up a bit. This was the bit where my day turned a little awry to be honest. The Owner hadn't heard me arrive, it would seem, and as I leapt nimbly over Barney K9's long lead he flicked the lead a little. When I say 'a little' I really mean enough for me to jump straight into the lead which rather lead to the bag with all his wine bottles getting wrenched from his hands. Four bottles of wine to be precise, and all in pieces, and the lead still tangled around my legs meant there was no denying it, I had broken The Owners special offer wine bottles. Both Barney K9 and I had to sit and stay whilst The Owner cleared up the glass whilst casting some very disagreeable looks in my direction. I was anticipating short rations in the Bonio department this evening. So we eventually continued our journey homeward and that was when The Owner delivered the coup de grâce... on himself! Barney K9 decided it was a suitable opportunity to... well.....perform. The Owner noticed that he was performing a little too close to the lead so gave it a quick flick which neatly and deftly flicked Barney K9's recent deposit, caught in mid air, into The Owners bag with his bargain chicken in. Judging by the ferocity with which his bag of broken glass and all of his other shopping bags were thrown into the bins as we passed them I am guessing his chicken dish washed down with 'a fine Sancerre' may resemble more beans on toast washed down with a bottle of beer. An evening to keep a low profile I think. Me and Barney K9 will be behind the settee if anyone wants us.

The Fly and The Owners Toe

My newest buddy, Barney K9, has a problem with flies. The Owner has a problem with his big toe and as improbably as it sounds, the two are connected. It is the season of the big noisy flies here in the cottage. The ones that sound like a squadron of Hercules C130's flying round the house and make one heck of a mess when The Owner chases one with a rolled up newspaper and makes contact. The paper is unreadable afterwards, the room requires redecorating and The Owner has a kind of primeval radiance about him having hunted and caught his foe. Last night, after patrol, The Owner poured himself a glass of 'something particularly fine' and took his Sunday paper up to the upstairs living room and flopped down into his beanbag. I settled down in my rightful position, at his side, and Barney K9 settled at his feet. Soon, Barney K9 was snoring gently, The Owner was busy getting agitated about something in the paper and I was watching one of these C130 style flies noisily circling the room. It was a picture of blissful normality at the cottage. This fly made a couple of practice dive bombs at The Owner which elicited a mild grumble and irritated flick of his foot in its general direction whilst Barney K9 snoozed on. On its next bombing run it flew a little lower and The Owner flacked his foot in further irritation when all of a sudden Barney K9, still half asleep, launched forth in a magnificent display of K9 defensive instinct. However his instinct was slightly less in tune with his targeting as slobber and gnashers made contact with the first thing it could get to. The Owner leapt up and papers went everywhere, along with his glass and its contents, whilst clutching his toe in an exaggerated display of agony worthy of any premier league footballer. Barney K9 finished his waking up and seemed somewhat surprised to find The Owners foot in his mouth. 

Barney K9 took to his bed afterwards, I am unsure if that was just to keep out of The Owners way or whether he had picked up some lergy from The Owners foot. The Owner has been on the phone to the hospital demanding injections and has been into his emergency supply of bandages. He is now sporting a bandaged foot which will almost certainly mean a trip to the pub looking for sympathy from anyone daft enough to ask him what happened. He has now hacked a walking stick from the hedge and is looking for his keys. I hope he remembers which foot to hobble on for best effects when he gets to the pub.