Thursday, 29 July 2010
Another Water Trough
Some of my confidence has been restored, I have found another water trough that still has water in it. I did check inside to make sure that there wasn't a bung ready to be pulled out or even some kind of syphoning device but I think it is all clear. Obviously the water thieves haven't found this one yet!
And Now The Water Trough!
I am beginning to suspect foul play here at the moment. Yesterday it was the pond water, STOLEN!!!!! I can still not find any suspects, it seems to have just vanished into thin air. Then today I went for a little ramble about the farm after lunch, I don't get any lunch but apparently The Owner deserves some, and I made a bee-line for my first option of a little aquatic adventure. Imagine my absolute horror! Empty! Not only empty but disconnected!!!! I run the risk here of wearing out the exclamation mark key if I'm not careful. I will keep you informed of any developments.
The Disappearing Pond Water
There has been a theft in the village while we were away! I managed to get out for a bit of solo rambling around the farm today, just to check on one or two things..... like dead badgers and stuff. I thought I would be a bit clever, not wanting to upset The Owner as he is in such a good mood since we have been back, so I went and visited the dead badger up on the hill first and thought I would round the trip off with a quick splash around in the pond on the way back.
Imagine my surprise, SOMEONE HAS STOLEN THE WATER! I did have a good root around but it definitely isn't there. Now this left me with a bit of a problem, a very smelly shoulder and nowhere to wash it off. I thought if I bounded through the door and went straight behind the desk he wouldn't notice. The Owner didn't say anything when I got back and I thought I had got away with it, he soon got up and went outside and I breathed a sigh of relief. Yup, definitely got away with it! Then he called from outside, so I went rushing out as it was about coffee time and that always means its Bonio time, but he closed the door behind me quickly and then produced the hose pipe from behind his back.
I felt he was a little harsh with the way he used that stiff broom as well!
Back Home
We took the boat back yesterday and only had the one argument with someone who, The Owner felt, was moored where we should be and he had a minor discussion with the boatyard man who by now had heard about the sinking. The Owner threw all our stuff into the car and spun the wheels in his hast to get out of the car park. Not sure why coz I'm sure I saw him pay.
He only grumbled the once at the staff in the motorway services forecourt on our way back, about their standards of training and how they "Couldn't make a decent cup of coffee if their lives depended upon it!". We virtually crashed through the front door and he fell straight into his favourite armchair, turning the telly on and opened a beer before his bum had even hit the chair. He settled back with a sigh of relief as the very fast and noisy cars started racing very fast back to the same place. This was clearly the reason for our chase all the way home! I still don't understand the rules but then neither did the bright red cars apparently. He gave up in disgust at that point and with a fresh beer or two we went over to watch the cricket. I was very good and even when the red ball rolled right to my feet I didn't pick it up! I wanted to go up on the hill and check out that dead badger, another week on since I last visited it and it should be getting quite interesting by now. But we had to do this bonding thing and sit and watch the cricket 'together'! There was also a deer up in the woods before we went away which warranted another look by now I felt. We had a spell of this bonding once before but after a good roll in a dead badger we soon got over it.
Early Morning on the Canal
What a lovely morning I've had, just a shame The Owner got into so much trouble over it. Not my fault this time I might add! I was curled up in the early hours of the morning under one of the lazarettes (now aren't you impressed how I am picking up the boating language?). It was barely light and certainly before the sun came up.
I became aware of movement in the galley, so I went to investigate. It was The Owner, making tea, and already dressed in his shirt and shorts. He tells me that as it was such a lovely morning he thought he would get up and "see the morning in". I'm not sure how he arrived at that conclusion as he hadn't even looked out of the curtains at that point, but I went along with it. He took his mug of tea and went and sat on one of the seats in the bow (more technical terms!). So I sat up there with him. He was right, it was a beautiful morning, the mist was rising gently from the water and forming an eerie mist on the fields from which the cows appeared almost to be hovering. The odd moor hen calling from the canal bank somewhere. The gentle hum in the distance of the pumps in the dairy and otherwise, peace and tranquillity enveloped the emerging morning scene. I sat beside him watching the scene and catching the odd sniff on the almost imperceptible breeze as he gently and absent mindedly ruffled the fur on the back of my head. After his second cup of tea and when the sun was starting to burn off the mist from the field announcing the arrival of a new day, drowsiness started to get the better of him and he started to fall asleep again, so he took himself off for what he described as a little lie down. All that was left of that pleasant hour was a ring of tea on the deck where his cup had stood. I curled up back under the lazarettes; the next thing I heard was a loud banging on the roof of the boat and a very aggressive, official looking chap was getting very agitated saying,"It's 11 in the morning and this is a night time only mooring area! People should not be drinking so much they can't get up in the mornings if they want to be mooring on my canal bank!". As far as I know The Owner only had a tea and an orange juice last night. The Owner emerged, bleary eyed, from the cabin wondering what all the fuss was about and got a fixed penalty notice slapped in his hand from Horrible Man, (that wasn't what The Owner called him) from Inland Waterways, who went off up the path tutting loudly about people shouldn't drink so much they can't get up in the morning. The Owner has been talking grumpily to himself all morning since then.
I became aware of movement in the galley, so I went to investigate. It was The Owner, making tea, and already dressed in his shirt and shorts. He tells me that as it was such a lovely morning he thought he would get up and "see the morning in". I'm not sure how he arrived at that conclusion as he hadn't even looked out of the curtains at that point, but I went along with it. He took his mug of tea and went and sat on one of the seats in the bow (more technical terms!). So I sat up there with him. He was right, it was a beautiful morning, the mist was rising gently from the water and forming an eerie mist on the fields from which the cows appeared almost to be hovering. The odd moor hen calling from the canal bank somewhere. The gentle hum in the distance of the pumps in the dairy and otherwise, peace and tranquillity enveloped the emerging morning scene. I sat beside him watching the scene and catching the odd sniff on the almost imperceptible breeze as he gently and absent mindedly ruffled the fur on the back of my head. After his second cup of tea and when the sun was starting to burn off the mist from the field announcing the arrival of a new day, drowsiness started to get the better of him and he started to fall asleep again, so he took himself off for what he described as a little lie down. All that was left of that pleasant hour was a ring of tea on the deck where his cup had stood. I curled up back under the lazarettes; the next thing I heard was a loud banging on the roof of the boat and a very aggressive, official looking chap was getting very agitated saying,"It's 11 in the morning and this is a night time only mooring area! People should not be drinking so much they can't get up in the mornings if they want to be mooring on my canal bank!". As far as I know The Owner only had a tea and an orange juice last night. The Owner emerged, bleary eyed, from the cabin wondering what all the fuss was about and got a fixed penalty notice slapped in his hand from Horrible Man, (that wasn't what The Owner called him) from Inland Waterways, who went off up the path tutting loudly about people shouldn't drink so much they can't get up in the morning. The Owner has been talking grumpily to himself all morning since then.
Friday, 23 July 2010
His Special Mug
I was a little concerned that he may have forgotten where I was this morning and started the engine with me still in the engine room. I needn't have worried, he was not about to turn down the opportunity for a good scowl and frown with his hands on his hips as he lets me out. He is of course milking it over yesterdays events.
He's been sitting there with a piece of dead cow draped over his eye, which by this morning was quite a peculiar colour after his little argument with the other Hoomun Boat Owner yesterday. It did give me a bit of a funny turn when I saw him with the dead cow on his face as I came back from my morning wee over the mooring ropes. After trying hard for a bit of sympathy for a cold he hasn't got, not brought on by his late evening dip in the water last night we got under way. He was not about to run aground for the third day running so he set a very purposeful course down the middle of the water and everyone else, if they knew what was good for them, had to navigate around the side of him. There were several little altercations with other boat Hoomuns who felt he was being a little too confrontational, but I knew him better. He hadn't got warmed up yet! He had bought a special unbreakable cup which apparently could keep a drink hot for hours from the shop beside the pub before we left this morning and he put it proudly, full of hot tea, on the shelf at the back of the boat beside the railings where the chimney thing had fallen. Well I was never very happy with the way he had wedged the chimney back in place with twigs after it got knocked over! When he came across someone who was a bigger bully then him and made him get over towards the side of the water he had to go under a low tree. This managed to dislodge the chimney which fell down again with a big thump just beside where I was snoozing. I jumped up (well who wouldn't?) and managed to knock the new special mug into the water. He thought about putting me in the engine room and thankfully chickened out and settled instead for grumbling and moaning loudly. For me, I felt the boat wasn't quite long enough but I still went and curled up right at the front of the sharp end. I think I may stay here for the duration today.
He's been sitting there with a piece of dead cow draped over his eye, which by this morning was quite a peculiar colour after his little argument with the other Hoomun Boat Owner yesterday. It did give me a bit of a funny turn when I saw him with the dead cow on his face as I came back from my morning wee over the mooring ropes. After trying hard for a bit of sympathy for a cold he hasn't got, not brought on by his late evening dip in the water last night we got under way. He was not about to run aground for the third day running so he set a very purposeful course down the middle of the water and everyone else, if they knew what was good for them, had to navigate around the side of him. There were several little altercations with other boat Hoomuns who felt he was being a little too confrontational, but I knew him better. He hadn't got warmed up yet! He had bought a special unbreakable cup which apparently could keep a drink hot for hours from the shop beside the pub before we left this morning and he put it proudly, full of hot tea, on the shelf at the back of the boat beside the railings where the chimney thing had fallen. Well I was never very happy with the way he had wedged the chimney back in place with twigs after it got knocked over! When he came across someone who was a bigger bully then him and made him get over towards the side of the water he had to go under a low tree. This managed to dislodge the chimney which fell down again with a big thump just beside where I was snoozing. I jumped up (well who wouldn't?) and managed to knock the new special mug into the water. He thought about putting me in the engine room and thankfully chickened out and settled instead for grumbling and moaning loudly. For me, I felt the boat wasn't quite long enough but I still went and curled up right at the front of the sharp end. I think I may stay here for the duration today.
Thursday, 22 July 2010
Lady Hoomun Policeman ad her Lady Chocolate Lab
Well we got The Owner out of the hospital, the other Hoomun Boat Owner out of the police station, our boat re-floated and a big crane in to lift the other boat out of the water where it had sunk. That was really impressive! Dangling on the end of a big piece of string high in the air, leaking water from many holes that I think I may have caused and put on the back of a really big lorry to taken to Shorance.
Not sure where Shorance is exactly but I heard The Owner say that it would be repaired in Shorance. The best bit was that somehow I didn't get the blame for not pointing the boat properly. There was a Lady Hoomun Policeman who came and asked him lots of questions about what happened and wrote it all down. I really liked her as well coz she had a pocket full of Bonio's. I haven't tried to get a Bonio from the Hoomun Police around home, perhaps they get issued with Bonio's as well as other stuff? That evening Lady Hoomun Policeman turned up where we were moored, near a pub since you ask, without her uniform and guess what? She had a Lady Chocolate Lab as well; and Bonio's! Me and New Lady Chocolate Lab ran up and down the bank, in and out of the water having great fun whilst The Owner and Lady Hoomun Policeman sat and drank and talked and other Hoomun stuff until they went back to the boat for more drinks and stuff. Well I've been planning this game for a day or so, but I've just had no-one to play it with. If you run across the roof and drop over the side and onto the little deck in through the window and across the table out the other side and back on to the roof again to do it all again, it just looked perfect for a game of chase. So I got Lady Chocolate Lab to follow as I dropped over on to the deck and launched myself through the window to the table. This is the point where the evening went down hill a little for me! Well how was I to know he had biscuits, cheese and stuff and glasses of wine all over the table? They weren't there when last I looked! I managed to knock them all on the floor, which was no bad thing as I could then clear them up, but The Owner didn't seem to share my enthusiasm for my new game. I also heard a very large splash outside as Lady Chocolate Lab missed the deck and went over the side. The Owner wasn't impressed about the table and even less impressed that he had to get in the water and rescue Lady Chocolate Lab. There isn't a boot room on board but there is an engine room, a little smaller than I am used to but I think I could be here for some time to come.
Not sure where Shorance is exactly but I heard The Owner say that it would be repaired in Shorance. The best bit was that somehow I didn't get the blame for not pointing the boat properly. There was a Lady Hoomun Policeman who came and asked him lots of questions about what happened and wrote it all down. I really liked her as well coz she had a pocket full of Bonio's. I haven't tried to get a Bonio from the Hoomun Police around home, perhaps they get issued with Bonio's as well as other stuff? That evening Lady Hoomun Policeman turned up where we were moored, near a pub since you ask, without her uniform and guess what? She had a Lady Chocolate Lab as well; and Bonio's! Me and New Lady Chocolate Lab ran up and down the bank, in and out of the water having great fun whilst The Owner and Lady Hoomun Policeman sat and drank and talked and other Hoomun stuff until they went back to the boat for more drinks and stuff. Well I've been planning this game for a day or so, but I've just had no-one to play it with. If you run across the roof and drop over the side and onto the little deck in through the window and across the table out the other side and back on to the roof again to do it all again, it just looked perfect for a game of chase. So I got Lady Chocolate Lab to follow as I dropped over on to the deck and launched myself through the window to the table. This is the point where the evening went down hill a little for me! Well how was I to know he had biscuits, cheese and stuff and glasses of wine all over the table? They weren't there when last I looked! I managed to knock them all on the floor, which was no bad thing as I could then clear them up, but The Owner didn't seem to share my enthusiasm for my new game. I also heard a very large splash outside as Lady Chocolate Lab missed the deck and went over the side. The Owner wasn't impressed about the table and even less impressed that he had to get in the water and rescue Lady Chocolate Lab. There isn't a boot room on board but there is an engine room, a little smaller than I am used to but I think I could be here for some time to come.
Wednesday, 21 July 2010
Through The Long Bridge Thing
Well The Owner stood at the back, leaning on the railings on the boat with his big mug of tea in his hand trying to look like he was in control of the everything. Then there was this big bridge looking thing coming up, actually it was more like a hole in a cliff face really where the water went through and it had trees and stuff like that way on up at the top. But he chugged resolutely forward, towards the hole.
I couldn't help but think that maybe the chimney thing coming out of the roof near the back of the boat was a little too tall and that it might be why everyone else seemed to be taking their chimney things down before heading in! Well, it was very dark in there and I couldn't see a thing, except a little dot of light a long way off, which seemed to be where we were heading. The noise was very funny inside and I couldn't really make any particular noises out, but when we emerged the other side after a frankly less than perfect passage through, I noticed the chimney thing laying along the roof and over where, until a few minutes ago, The Owner had been standing and the railing he was leaning on was now bent! There beside me was the mug of tea spilled all over the floor, but The Owner was nowhere to be seen! Well who was pointing the boat? Me apparently! I knew pointing the boat had something to do with that stick coming out of the floor of the boat which The Owner seems to spend most of the time when travelling, leaning against in a nonchalant manner trying to impress everyone or anyone and which I would wee up at any and every opportunity. But what to do with it? Moments later there was a big bang and a lot of shouting at the front end and everything came to a standstill. I did venture to have a quick peek around the front but I was a bit concerned as I appeared to have pointed it into the bank.... through another boat, which was now sinking and it's Hoomun seemed particularly vexed about it! Then The Owner came wading out of the hole in the cliff through the water, with a big lump on his head. I went and hid coz I reckoned I was going to be in so much trouble but the other Hoomun kept shouting at The Owner and then started hitting him! Someone called the Hoomun police and I thought it was going to be the dog pound for me. But I liked Hoomun Policeman as he had a pocket full of Bonio's and I like them, so it all worked out well in the end!
I couldn't help but think that maybe the chimney thing coming out of the roof near the back of the boat was a little too tall and that it might be why everyone else seemed to be taking their chimney things down before heading in! Well, it was very dark in there and I couldn't see a thing, except a little dot of light a long way off, which seemed to be where we were heading. The noise was very funny inside and I couldn't really make any particular noises out, but when we emerged the other side after a frankly less than perfect passage through, I noticed the chimney thing laying along the roof and over where, until a few minutes ago, The Owner had been standing and the railing he was leaning on was now bent! There beside me was the mug of tea spilled all over the floor, but The Owner was nowhere to be seen! Well who was pointing the boat? Me apparently! I knew pointing the boat had something to do with that stick coming out of the floor of the boat which The Owner seems to spend most of the time when travelling, leaning against in a nonchalant manner trying to impress everyone or anyone and which I would wee up at any and every opportunity. But what to do with it? Moments later there was a big bang and a lot of shouting at the front end and everything came to a standstill. I did venture to have a quick peek around the front but I was a bit concerned as I appeared to have pointed it into the bank.... through another boat, which was now sinking and it's Hoomun seemed particularly vexed about it! Then The Owner came wading out of the hole in the cliff through the water, with a big lump on his head. I went and hid coz I reckoned I was going to be in so much trouble but the other Hoomun kept shouting at The Owner and then started hitting him! Someone called the Hoomun police and I thought it was going to be the dog pound for me. But I liked Hoomun Policeman as he had a pocket full of Bonio's and I like them, so it all worked out well in the end!
Tuesday, 20 July 2010
Running Aground
We've had a great time on our holidays, me and The Owner... well I have anyway! Lots of pubs alongside the river and I love rivers, I love pubs as well.... I also LOVE BONIO'S, had I mentioned that?
There's only me and him on the thing but he just has to get the biggest boat on the canal, it was so big, if I ran from one end to the other and back again I didn't need a walk that night! The man at the boat yard wasn't very convinced when he told him that the rest of his party was joining us that night. We stopped at nearly every pub along the river and rounding a bend there was a pub in site, it was crowded with Lady Hoomuns so I thought we would definitely be stopping, I don't mind as Lady Hoomuns always feed me tit bits. As he came round the bend he went in real close to the bank so I thought he was mooring there, so I jumped off! How was I to know he'd just got it wrong and ran the boat into the bank and got it stuck?!?! It took him ages to get it off the mud again. There was lots of noise and revving and he was making a lot more noise than the engine! I kept out of the way and sat on the bank and watched as all the Lady Hoomuns were laughing at him. I opted not to jump back on board with him when he got it going as it was going to be a bumpy ride for the rest of the afternoon, so I ran along the bank. It was tiring but I felt it was safest!
There's only me and him on the thing but he just has to get the biggest boat on the canal, it was so big, if I ran from one end to the other and back again I didn't need a walk that night! The man at the boat yard wasn't very convinced when he told him that the rest of his party was joining us that night. We stopped at nearly every pub along the river and rounding a bend there was a pub in site, it was crowded with Lady Hoomuns so I thought we would definitely be stopping, I don't mind as Lady Hoomuns always feed me tit bits. As he came round the bend he went in real close to the bank so I thought he was mooring there, so I jumped off! How was I to know he'd just got it wrong and ran the boat into the bank and got it stuck?!?! It took him ages to get it off the mud again. There was lots of noise and revving and he was making a lot more noise than the engine! I kept out of the way and sat on the bank and watched as all the Lady Hoomuns were laughing at him. I opted not to jump back on board with him when he got it going as it was going to be a bumpy ride for the rest of the afternoon, so I ran along the bank. It was tiring but I felt it was safest!
That annoying little grey thing with an attitude!
Oh Saints preserve us! The things I have to put up with! Now if that grey thing says one more time "Hey dog, don't I look cute." There will be one more item on the lunchtime menu than previously planned.
A Sporty Weekend
Well what a weekend of "sport" we've had! He sat there yesterday afternoon watching the noisy cars and I sat with him as I tried to understand what was going on. Ok, so he had a Bonio in his pocket which was the main reason for my attentiveness but I did watch the cars as well.
Now as far as I could understand, these very noisy cars, so loud that they had to wear these big hats, presumably to keep the noise out, drive for about a hundred and fifty miles and get right back to where they started and then jump about with great excitement that they haven't really got anywhere! Try as I might, I could not see where their dog would sit in those funny cars! With that done and still mystified, I thought the cricket over at the cricket pitch would have been his next target but no, I was wrong! The pack of cans of beer I had spotted in the fridge was not for the cricket but for another game of foopall on the telly. He's videoed me selecting a Bonio from a coloured box and is claiming I predicted the result and that is being sent to the papers this morning. I am guessing he is going to delete the ten other videos where I "predicted" the other team would win. There was so much shouting at the ref going on that I couldn't get to sleep so I went over and watched the cricket, a much more peaceful game I felt and I was also wary of bringing the ball back for them after the somewhat negative reaction I had the last time I tried. So I curled up and enjoyed a good snooze. When I woke up they'd all gone! All alone in the middle of a very large field I was, and it was getting dark. The foopall was finished when I got back and so all the shouting was finished, his beer cans were empty and he was asleep! Mind you I think the shouting was a little quieter than the snoring so I stuck my nose in his ear. He woke up quite quickly and got all grumpy. Equilibrium restored!
Now as far as I could understand, these very noisy cars, so loud that they had to wear these big hats, presumably to keep the noise out, drive for about a hundred and fifty miles and get right back to where they started and then jump about with great excitement that they haven't really got anywhere! Try as I might, I could not see where their dog would sit in those funny cars! With that done and still mystified, I thought the cricket over at the cricket pitch would have been his next target but no, I was wrong! The pack of cans of beer I had spotted in the fridge was not for the cricket but for another game of foopall on the telly. He's videoed me selecting a Bonio from a coloured box and is claiming I predicted the result and that is being sent to the papers this morning. I am guessing he is going to delete the ten other videos where I "predicted" the other team would win. There was so much shouting at the ref going on that I couldn't get to sleep so I went over and watched the cricket, a much more peaceful game I felt and I was also wary of bringing the ball back for them after the somewhat negative reaction I had the last time I tried. So I curled up and enjoyed a good snooze. When I woke up they'd all gone! All alone in the middle of a very large field I was, and it was getting dark. The foopall was finished when I got back and so all the shouting was finished, his beer cans were empty and he was asleep! Mind you I think the shouting was a little quieter than the snoring so I stuck my nose in his ear. He woke up quite quickly and got all grumpy. Equilibrium restored!
Psychic Jack
Does anyone like octopus? Throughout the latter parts of this foopall ,since The Owner realised that this strange looking animal had gained some fame for predicting outcomes of foopall matches a long way away, (I think they must be playing near Swindon somewhere) he's been putting down little boxes with funny colours draped over them and a Bonio inside and taking pictures as evidence.
He's tried ringing every newspaper in the area looking for one who's daft enough to believe I can predict who puts most balls in the net thing and do the silliest dance afterwards. Hey! Two boxes, two Bonio's, no problem! Nothing clever about that, get the closest one first and then on to the other as quickly as possible before he changes his mind. I'm very good at predicting F1 results, Moto GP, horse races, cricket, hockey, and the odd game of scrabble and tiddlywinks as well. Bring on the Bonio's!
He's tried ringing every newspaper in the area looking for one who's daft enough to believe I can predict who puts most balls in the net thing and do the silliest dance afterwards. Hey! Two boxes, two Bonio's, no problem! Nothing clever about that, get the closest one first and then on to the other as quickly as possible before he changes his mind. I'm very good at predicting F1 results, Moto GP, horse races, cricket, hockey, and the odd game of scrabble and tiddlywinks as well. Bring on the Bonio's!
Monday, 5 July 2010
Working From Home
We've been home this afternoon, me and The Owner. He spent all morning telling everyone that he was going to be working from home for the afternoon. I wondered what that meant exactly but soon found out. We got throught the door and he quickly changed into his old gardening clothes, poured himself a very large glass of something and went and sat on the patio.
After he'd finished that he went rummaging in the back of the shed and emerged with a triumphant smile on his face and a gallon of fence treatment in one hand, the label of which was so old it had "By Appointment to His Majesty The King" on it and an old brush in the other. I am thinking that this was not quite what he was implying by working from home. So he starts painting the fence with this stinking paint stuff and I go indoors for a lay down. I keep checking on him every once in a while, just to make sure he's doing it right and after a while he comes wandering back in with an empty glass in his hand, presumably looking for more wine. Suddenly there is a right rumpus going on in the kitchen! He's shouting and using words that would make his mother blush! So I went to investigate. Well I have no idea how all that smelly fence stuff got all over my tail!!!! But I do however, have a very good idea how it got up every door and cupbord in the kitchen and dining room. I think I'm going up to the woods at the top of the garden and hiding behind the barbecue for a while.
After he'd finished that he went rummaging in the back of the shed and emerged with a triumphant smile on his face and a gallon of fence treatment in one hand, the label of which was so old it had "By Appointment to His Majesty The King" on it and an old brush in the other. I am thinking that this was not quite what he was implying by working from home. So he starts painting the fence with this stinking paint stuff and I go indoors for a lay down. I keep checking on him every once in a while, just to make sure he's doing it right and after a while he comes wandering back in with an empty glass in his hand, presumably looking for more wine. Suddenly there is a right rumpus going on in the kitchen! He's shouting and using words that would make his mother blush! So I went to investigate. Well I have no idea how all that smelly fence stuff got all over my tail!!!! But I do however, have a very good idea how it got up every door and cupbord in the kitchen and dining room. I think I'm going up to the woods at the top of the garden and hiding behind the barbecue for a while.
The Badgers Came Visiting
Oh dear! He has not had a good start to the day! Well I've been trying to tell him for ages that there are badgers in the garden at night and despite his admonishing of me for digging little holes in the lawn, it isn't me! Last night they kept me awake with their grunting and snuffling around the back door to the boot room.
All night they were out there carrying on like a load of hoomuns at a barbie. This morning, I feel like I haven't slept a wink, mainly coz I haven't, and The Owner comes bouncing down the stairs all fresh and perky. Let's me out of the boot room and then opens the back door for me to go out for my pee before breakfast. Well I'm not going out there, there may be badgers still about and I may be brave but I'm not stupid! Rolling in their poo is one thing but actually meeting one, face to face, not going there! He was intent on me going for a pee and was trying to evict me from the back door and I kept digging my heels in and sitting down or rolling over on my back. Anything but have to go out there. So he strides purposefully outside as if to show there was nothing to be afraid of and puts his bare foot straight in a dollop of badger poo left just outside the back door. There then followed much 'yucking' and 'phewing' as he tries to scrape it off his foot and from between his toes and tries desperately to find someone to blame for his predicament. I'm guessing that I am not going to find a way of persuading him on the benefits of rolling in badger poo just yet!
Sunday, 4 July 2010
More Stinky Flowers!
Oh man that garden! The rose (yuk and phew) is in another flowering apparently but it has got a bit cunning and only flowered up high where I can't pee! The lavender (double yuk and phew!) is stinking the neighbourhood out and round the back of the cottage the Jasmine is in full flower but that is on the shed roof and try as I might I cannot get to pee that high and believe me I have tried! So many smells in the same garden and not one of them good! He, The Owner, is wandering around in heaven spouting nonsense about the 'perfume'! I am keeping a low profile today whilst I scheme and plot a way of damping down the stench from these flowers of the devil! Meanwhile I will content myself with peeing all over the lavender (double yuk and phew) whilst I work out my next move!
Thursday, 1 July 2010
Caffeine poisoning!
Well, it was a long day, I was right about that and I think today could be just as long for a different reason. By 06:00 his first report and demo of a software system was on its way to someone, not sure who and I'm not sure he did either by the confused e-mail he has had this morning.
By 09:00 he was starting to feel the effects of dragging himself out of bed so early. He seemed to reason that he could do the early starts when he was driving so there is no reason why he shouldn't be able to now! Hello?!?! That was ten years ago! Time is a bitch when it comes to clouding the mind over what we can still achieve. I used to be able to outrun any dog around here a couple of years ago but I couldn't out run the jaws of Lady Chocolate Lab when she took exception to my amorous advances the other night! By 10:00 he was starting to fall asleep over the keyboard with the mouse in his hand and then coming to with a jolt as his head started to fall. The mouse jolted as well and moved files and folders all over the place. He still can't find some of them. Then he started on the strong coffee! By lunch time he had so much caffeine in him he couldn't keep his hands from shaking! Now this morning he is having to explain away the rather manic e-mails he was sending to everyone all afternoon and the sometimes embarrassing misspellings of several crucial words in them! Last night he had to explain why he managed to send three pints and two packets of peanuts scattering all over the bar, all on different occasions, where his hands were shaking so much. Fortunately he has come down off the manic ceiling and I am today looking forward to the first Postman's delivery for a while. I must behave! I must behave! I must behave......
By 09:00 he was starting to feel the effects of dragging himself out of bed so early. He seemed to reason that he could do the early starts when he was driving so there is no reason why he shouldn't be able to now! Hello?!?! That was ten years ago! Time is a bitch when it comes to clouding the mind over what we can still achieve. I used to be able to outrun any dog around here a couple of years ago but I couldn't out run the jaws of Lady Chocolate Lab when she took exception to my amorous advances the other night! By 10:00 he was starting to fall asleep over the keyboard with the mouse in his hand and then coming to with a jolt as his head started to fall. The mouse jolted as well and moved files and folders all over the place. He still can't find some of them. Then he started on the strong coffee! By lunch time he had so much caffeine in him he couldn't keep his hands from shaking! Now this morning he is having to explain away the rather manic e-mails he was sending to everyone all afternoon and the sometimes embarrassing misspellings of several crucial words in them! Last night he had to explain why he managed to send three pints and two packets of peanuts scattering all over the bar, all on different occasions, where his hands were shaking so much. Fortunately he has come down off the manic ceiling and I am today looking forward to the first Postman's delivery for a while. I must behave! I must behave! I must behave......
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