What's on my mind? I'd like to know what's on The Owners mind and this morning I can't think there was too much! There I was, happily snoring to myself (the noise keeps the badgers from pooping outside the back door) dreaming of Bonio's. Had I mentioned I like Bonio's?
It was still dark when I heard him come crashing down the stairs and start fumbling around in the kitchen. He was going to have to put the light on eventually and its a lot easier on his temper if he does it sooner rather than later. I thought we must be going somewhere, nothing else normally gets him out of bed that early. He gets himself dressed, in clothes straight out of the washing machine, yuk, he must be sleepwalking! Then he gives me my breakfast, at 3:00 in the morning, so I forgave him immediately. Then he shuffles off down to the office and begins furiously banging away on the keyboard. He is giving me a right old headache with all the noise! When the dairyman came out to go and get the cows in for milking, just after the sun came up he thought we were being burgled and came across to check, pitch fork at the ready. It won't last, by 11:00 he'll be falling asleep over the keyboard and wake up with red marks across his forehead spelling "QWERTY". I think he must be sickening for something! Maybe he might forget he's already given me breakfast, if I try my little dance and just see what comes my way. It may work! This could be a very long day....
Wednesday, 30 June 2010
Monday, 28 June 2010
The Beach Towel
Yesterday was warm, I understand that. Hoomuns like to lay around in the sun and cook themselves. I understand that as well. But, hey, so do dogs! He comes wandering out looking like heaven knows what with his sun hat on his head and with very dodgy cheap sunglasses. I think he bought them about three years ago at the petrol station and they have only one arm left. The other one fell off after the first week and too tight to buy more, he has to have his head on one side when he wears them to prevent them falling off! A pack of beers under his arm and a towel draped over his shoulder. I think it best we don't discuss the shorts here! The towel is spread on the ground and I try and climb on but whenever I do he chases me off. I try and lay down beside him and he chases me off! I had to lay on a heap of dead leaves in the end whilst he, The Owner, lords it on the towel! Later in the day he starts pulling buckets of water out of the well to water his plants, including the smelly lavender. Well I could have done that! Predictably, one of those buckets of water had to come my way didn't it? So dripping in water, while he wasn't looking, I went and curled up in the middle of his towel. Later, watering finished, he came back to his towel, opened another beer with a satisfied sigh and laid back on the towel. A moment later he shot up again and threw his beer everywhere complaining loudly and I was in trouble again, but oh boy was it worth it!
Monkey Dog
Oh revenge is so sweet! Me and The Owner went to work this morning and on the farm they were looking after a skinny strange looking dog with very long legs, I think they called him 'Monkey'. Mmm, I think that says it all really, clearly no breeding!
Anyway, his lady owner turned up to pick him up and came up with MY dish in her hand. How did she get that?! So Monkey dog goes and wee's up MY post so I had to go and wee on it as well. Then he goes and wee's on the gate, so I had to go and do it as well. So he then wee's up the corner of The Owners office wall! Well I thought The Owner would have said something about that, at least I was beginning to hope he would coz this Monkey thing dog can wee a lot higher than me! Nothing to do with prowess, just he had longer legs than me and I was starting to struggle to wee hugh enough so I had to be cunning. Lady Monkey Dog Thing Owner had left her posh car door open so I went and wee'd on the side of the car and he took the bate and went and wee'd on the same spot except he wee's higher. Tee hee! All over the car seats! Oh Boy was he in trouble, I'm glad she's not my Owner! I went and sat back in the office under the desk and felt a certain kind of smug satisfaction. Serves him right, he looks like a camel anyway!
Anyway, his lady owner turned up to pick him up and came up with MY dish in her hand. How did she get that?! So Monkey dog goes and wee's up MY post so I had to go and wee on it as well. Then he goes and wee's on the gate, so I had to go and do it as well. So he then wee's up the corner of The Owners office wall! Well I thought The Owner would have said something about that, at least I was beginning to hope he would coz this Monkey thing dog can wee a lot higher than me! Nothing to do with prowess, just he had longer legs than me and I was starting to struggle to wee hugh enough so I had to be cunning. Lady Monkey Dog Thing Owner had left her posh car door open so I went and wee'd on the side of the car and he took the bate and went and wee'd on the same spot except he wee's higher. Tee hee! All over the car seats! Oh Boy was he in trouble, I'm glad she's not my Owner! I went and sat back in the office under the desk and felt a certain kind of smug satisfaction. Serves him right, he looks like a camel anyway!
Another Cushion
Oh, now I get it! This is all about me pinching his velvet cushion off the settee and snuggling up on it!
The Cushion
If he comes creeping around me again with that ruddy camera of his when I am asleep I am going to loose my sense of humour!
Wednesday, 23 June 2010
Thrown Out of the Garden Centre
Why did someone tell The Owner about the garden centre's offer to refund or replace any plant of their's which did not survive? We went back, four cooked lettuce plants formally known as lavender (yuk & phew!) in hand and brandishing his receipt. The very nice young lady on customer service saw me and found a dog biscuit from somewhere, I liked her!
She immediately said that they would replace them... well I wouldn't have done! Was he satisfied? No, not a bit, he wanted something extra for his time and petrol! So The Owner demanded the manager. I didn't like her quite so much as she didn't have a biscuit for me. Manager told him that he ought to think himself lucky as she could quite clearly see he had left them in a hot car and she wouldn't have replaced them! She told him to take his replacement plants and go. He had a hysterical moment - She called security. Just when I had managed to think another biscuit out of nice young lady on customer service desk's pocket and into my mouth, he gets us thrown out! As we drove out of the car park, Manager was stood at the door with her hands on her hips and a yoof was being sent across the car park with a paint pot in his hand towards their big name board, I suspect to modify their guarantee to exclude cooked lettuce plants. Can anyone recommend another good garden centre as I think we are going to need to find one!
She immediately said that they would replace them... well I wouldn't have done! Was he satisfied? No, not a bit, he wanted something extra for his time and petrol! So The Owner demanded the manager. I didn't like her quite so much as she didn't have a biscuit for me. Manager told him that he ought to think himself lucky as she could quite clearly see he had left them in a hot car and she wouldn't have replaced them! She told him to take his replacement plants and go. He had a hysterical moment - She called security. Just when I had managed to think another biscuit out of nice young lady on customer service desk's pocket and into my mouth, he gets us thrown out! As we drove out of the car park, Manager was stood at the door with her hands on her hips and a yoof was being sent across the car park with a paint pot in his hand towards their big name board, I suspect to modify their guarantee to exclude cooked lettuce plants. Can anyone recommend another good garden centre as I think we are going to need to find one!
Tuesday, 22 June 2010
Cooked lavender
The Owner found every reason imaginable not to walk back for his car yesterday, opting instead for the lazy way out by waiting for someone to arrive who had a car and was heading back past the pub and was fool enough to give him a lift. After a day in the hot sunshine the inside of the car was like an oven, in fact he had to put a pair of gloves on to touch the steering wheel. What a wimp!
When we eventually got the steering wheel cooled down a little, enough for him to drive home, he suddenly remembered the lavender plants in the back. I was sat with them, I didn't need to remember them! One thing for certain, they won't need drying out at the end of the summer! So this afternoon we have to go back to the garden centre for more plants. This is the garden centre who foolishly guarantee their plants will last for twelve months and I suspect The Owner will be trying to claim some free replacements although how he thinks he is going to swing that one escapes me! I can't help but think they might notice that the plants he will present to them as evidence will have the same consistency as cooked lettuce!
When we eventually got the steering wheel cooled down a little, enough for him to drive home, he suddenly remembered the lavender plants in the back. I was sat with them, I didn't need to remember them! One thing for certain, they won't need drying out at the end of the summer! So this afternoon we have to go back to the garden centre for more plants. This is the garden centre who foolishly guarantee their plants will last for twelve months and I suspect The Owner will be trying to claim some free replacements although how he thinks he is going to swing that one escapes me! I can't help but think they might notice that the plants he will present to them as evidence will have the same consistency as cooked lettuce!
The New Lavender Bushes
Oh man was I in trouble on Sunday! After much rummaging in the lavender beds he came in stinking like those two old ladies in the village and announced we needed more lavender to make up for those that didn't make it through the winter. More!!!? So we got in the car and off to the garden centre we went. He bought several more lavender plants and an ice cream each.
I don't think he noticed the one I had already stolen from a small child who was just not quite careful enough. After devising some kind of torture chamber in the back of the car by surrounding me with lavender bushes we head for home except we got as far as the pub when he announced that we would stop for just the one! That was always bound to end in us having to leave the car behind and walk home! Sat out in the garden and who should come round the corner but Lady Chocolate Lab and her Owner. I was a little wary at first as the puncture marks from her last visit were only just beginning to heal over but we were soon bounding round the gardens in a frantic and lust fuelled game of chase again. Another brute of a dog arrived in the shape of a big black lab although his Owner didn't let him off his lead but I still felt the need to do a little scent marking just to be sure and rushed around pissing on things until my bladder was nearly empty. That was where it all went wrong! How was I to know that big purple thing in the middle of the lawn was Lady Chocolate Lab Owners hand bag? The Owner appeared quite vexed by the whole thing and rushed around with handfuls of tissue and smelly sprays trying to clear up my efforts. I went and stood on the bank out of the way and watched whilst the rest of the pub garden laughed. Lady Chocolate Lab came and joined me on the bank and I think I even saw her Owner laughing a little which only made The Owners temper blacker. When we got home I opted to find the spot behind the barbie in the woods. I think that was far enough out of the way!
I don't think he noticed the one I had already stolen from a small child who was just not quite careful enough. After devising some kind of torture chamber in the back of the car by surrounding me with lavender bushes we head for home except we got as far as the pub when he announced that we would stop for just the one! That was always bound to end in us having to leave the car behind and walk home! Sat out in the garden and who should come round the corner but Lady Chocolate Lab and her Owner. I was a little wary at first as the puncture marks from her last visit were only just beginning to heal over but we were soon bounding round the gardens in a frantic and lust fuelled game of chase again. Another brute of a dog arrived in the shape of a big black lab although his Owner didn't let him off his lead but I still felt the need to do a little scent marking just to be sure and rushed around pissing on things until my bladder was nearly empty. That was where it all went wrong! How was I to know that big purple thing in the middle of the lawn was Lady Chocolate Lab Owners hand bag? The Owner appeared quite vexed by the whole thing and rushed around with handfuls of tissue and smelly sprays trying to clear up my efforts. I went and stood on the bank out of the way and watched whilst the rest of the pub garden laughed. Lady Chocolate Lab came and joined me on the bank and I think I even saw her Owner laughing a little which only made The Owners temper blacker. When we got home I opted to find the spot behind the barbie in the woods. I think that was far enough out of the way!
Monday, 21 June 2010
The Lavender
The Owner's out in the garden doing stuff with that rose which he informs no one in particular has 'Gone past its best' and not a moment too soon if you ask me! Now it's the lavender down the front path! Oh heaven help us! Yuk and double phew! He's out there now weeding around them "To make sure we see them at their best".
I tried to distract him by laying across the middle of them on my back but that didn't seem to be appreciated so now after a morning poking around with them he smells like those two little old ladies up in the village. I can tolerate them coz they have always got a biscuit for me and then we are on our way again but he is with me until it wears off and one does have certain principles you understand. I think I might have to wee on them later to make them smell a bit better. I wee'd on one earlier and I think he suspected when he got to it in his weeding as he gave me a very strange and accusing look. I thought it best I came in at that point and let him get on with it. Besides, that bit of nice steak he got out of the freezer earlier looks like it may be nearly thawed out so I suspect it may need guarding....just in case!
I tried to distract him by laying across the middle of them on my back but that didn't seem to be appreciated so now after a morning poking around with them he smells like those two little old ladies up in the village. I can tolerate them coz they have always got a biscuit for me and then we are on our way again but he is with me until it wears off and one does have certain principles you understand. I think I might have to wee on them later to make them smell a bit better. I wee'd on one earlier and I think he suspected when he got to it in his weeding as he gave me a very strange and accusing look. I thought it best I came in at that point and let him get on with it. Besides, that bit of nice steak he got out of the freezer earlier looks like it may be nearly thawed out so I suspect it may need guarding....just in case!
Hoomun Yoof!
Yesterday I was up round the back of the dairy where I had found a particularly good heap of badger poo to roll in. Now I know what you are thinking, isn't he lucky to have found it, but unfortunately much as I try and persuade him differently The Owner never seems to quite understand!
Well, I had got the shoulder sufficiently smeared to impress The Owner, I felt, when I went back to the office to show him. When I arrived there a Hoomun Yoof had arrived for an interview. I'm not sure what is wrong with the view we have already across the fields with my friends the cows, to the church and Robbie Williams house. Anyway I went rushing in to greet him and introduce myself, but niether him nor The Owner seemed particularly pleased to see me. Maybe it was just at an awkward moment in the discussions I thought, so I persisted with my jumping up and rubbing against the legs routine, when Hoomun Yoof ran outside holding his nose and mouth and making some very strange noises! The Owner lent him a pair of his trousers which was quite comical I thought as Hoomun Yoof could have got into just one leg! I guessed that my latest attempts at converting The Owner to the delicacies of badger poo failed when he started chasing me with the hose pipe and yard broom with a particularly angst ridden look in his eye. I'm a bit disappointed with Hoomun Yoof as he never gave me a Bonio from my bucket before he left!
Well, I had got the shoulder sufficiently smeared to impress The Owner, I felt, when I went back to the office to show him. When I arrived there a Hoomun Yoof had arrived for an interview. I'm not sure what is wrong with the view we have already across the fields with my friends the cows, to the church and Robbie Williams house. Anyway I went rushing in to greet him and introduce myself, but niether him nor The Owner seemed particularly pleased to see me. Maybe it was just at an awkward moment in the discussions I thought, so I persisted with my jumping up and rubbing against the legs routine, when Hoomun Yoof ran outside holding his nose and mouth and making some very strange noises! The Owner lent him a pair of his trousers which was quite comical I thought as Hoomun Yoof could have got into just one leg! I guessed that my latest attempts at converting The Owner to the delicacies of badger poo failed when he started chasing me with the hose pipe and yard broom with a particularly angst ridden look in his eye. I'm a bit disappointed with Hoomun Yoof as he never gave me a Bonio from my bucket before he left!
Thursday, 17 June 2010
The Pack of Sausages
The Owner went creeping off down to the burger van earlier this morning hoping no-one would know he had gone. I like going down there coz The Hoomun Burger Van Lady always gives me a treat when she sees me and The Owner isn't watching. When we got there she had just received a delivery of fresh meat and stuff.
The Owner jumped out of the car and left the door open, thinking he had left it for me I jumped through from the back of the car and got out as well. The Hoomun Burger Van Lady was busy talking to The Owner so I went exploring around the back of the van. In one of the big boxes was a fresh catering pack of sausages! Assuming she must have thrown them out I picked them up and took them back to the car. A little later The Owner came back to the car and we drove back to the office. I opened the pack on the way and tried to select the best place to start on the string of sausages, there was miles of them! When we got back to the office The Owner opened the back of the car to let me out and had a bit of a funny turn. It seems that sausages were not what he was expecting to see in the boot with me. It also seems that The Hoomun Burger Van Lady was not what he was expecting to see driving up the track behind him either. She did seem a little more animated than when we saw her only a few minutes earlier. I am beginning to suspect that I wasn't supposed to take those sausages as The Owner has gone to the shops to buy some more. I think I'll take myself off up to the calf sheds for a while when he gets back, just to be sure!
The Owner jumped out of the car and left the door open, thinking he had left it for me I jumped through from the back of the car and got out as well. The Hoomun Burger Van Lady was busy talking to The Owner so I went exploring around the back of the van. In one of the big boxes was a fresh catering pack of sausages! Assuming she must have thrown them out I picked them up and took them back to the car. A little later The Owner came back to the car and we drove back to the office. I opened the pack on the way and tried to select the best place to start on the string of sausages, there was miles of them! When we got back to the office The Owner opened the back of the car to let me out and had a bit of a funny turn. It seems that sausages were not what he was expecting to see in the boot with me. It also seems that The Hoomun Burger Van Lady was not what he was expecting to see driving up the track behind him either. She did seem a little more animated than when we saw her only a few minutes earlier. I am beginning to suspect that I wasn't supposed to take those sausages as The Owner has gone to the shops to buy some more. I think I'll take myself off up to the calf sheds for a while when he gets back, just to be sure!
Wednesday, 16 June 2010
The Flower Bed
Me and The Owner went to one of his friends for a barbecue the other evening. I like barbecues, people feed me stuff when The Owner isn't looking. The Owner's Friend is particularly good at doing that! Near the barbecue their is a big wall all the way round what I took to be a flower bed, the wall is just above head height for a dog of my stature.
There was another dog there called Barnaby, he's a funny looking thing if you ask me, little tiny legs and a really long body and a lot on his mind! Well I was enjoying a good sniff around the back of this 'Flower bed' when I heard someone drop a sausage on the floor. Well, I was not about to let Barnaby get it and with his short legs he would have to go all the way around the outside of the flower bed. Me being a little more athletic, if I may be so bold as to say so, I opted to go a more direct route, up and over the top. Well no-one was more surprised than me to find that the 'Flower Bed' was in fact a big fish pond with a big net over it! The net stretched enough to let me fall in the water but I could not get enough of anything to continue my journey to the fallen sausage! All my legs were through the holes in the net and I was stuck, helpless and humiliated! To make matters worse they kept calling him a sausage dog from then on and me the non-sausage dog! The Owner still keeps bursting out laughing whenever he sees me and trying to imitate me stuck in the net. I think he looks more like a camel, he smells like one as well!
There was another dog there called Barnaby, he's a funny looking thing if you ask me, little tiny legs and a really long body and a lot on his mind! Well I was enjoying a good sniff around the back of this 'Flower bed' when I heard someone drop a sausage on the floor. Well, I was not about to let Barnaby get it and with his short legs he would have to go all the way around the outside of the flower bed. Me being a little more athletic, if I may be so bold as to say so, I opted to go a more direct route, up and over the top. Well no-one was more surprised than me to find that the 'Flower Bed' was in fact a big fish pond with a big net over it! The net stretched enough to let me fall in the water but I could not get enough of anything to continue my journey to the fallen sausage! All my legs were through the holes in the net and I was stuck, helpless and humiliated! To make matters worse they kept calling him a sausage dog from then on and me the non-sausage dog! The Owner still keeps bursting out laughing whenever he sees me and trying to imitate me stuck in the net. I think he looks more like a camel, he smells like one as well!
Monday, 14 June 2010
Reg the Paper Boy
I was in the garden nice and early on Sunday, Sunday mornings are always fun, they're my favourite. We get a lot of cyclists in funny coloured clothes pedalling by on Sundays and I can have hours of fun hiding behind the hedge waiting until they get right outside and then let fire with the big guns. It always causes a wobble or two!
I have found that if you wait until they are just saying to each other "What a lovely cottage!" and other such yucky stuff, it has best effect. One day I will manage to get one of them to wobble enough that they fall off!
Well, I had patrolled checking for badgers and squirrels and stuff like that and I was just setting myself up ready for the cyclists, when old Reg the paper boy turned up...... on his bike! Well how was I to know it was him?!?! I heard the bike and settled in anticipation of the right moment to make my move for best effect and then launched forward with heckles up..... I think The Owner has to go and collect his paper on a Sunday morning in future; and Reg seemed a little uncomfortable in the trouser department and walked his bike down the road whilst continually adjusting his trousers as he went.
I have found that if you wait until they are just saying to each other "What a lovely cottage!" and other such yucky stuff, it has best effect. One day I will manage to get one of them to wobble enough that they fall off!
Well, I had patrolled checking for badgers and squirrels and stuff like that and I was just setting myself up ready for the cyclists, when old Reg the paper boy turned up...... on his bike! Well how was I to know it was him?!?! I heard the bike and settled in anticipation of the right moment to make my move for best effect and then launched forward with heckles up..... I think The Owner has to go and collect his paper on a Sunday morning in future; and Reg seemed a little uncomfortable in the trouser department and walked his bike down the road whilst continually adjusting his trousers as he went.
Saturday, 12 June 2010
The Bandaged Head
The lump on The Owners head, I forgot to say about it! The Owner's friend Annie turned up at work the other day and I did my best sad eyes look staring at the lead as she always takes me for a walk. A pushover in the presence of such canine talent! So we went for a walk whilst The Owner got on with some printing stuff for her.
Someone has removed the badger from up on the hill which was a shame as that ought to have been getting quite edible by now! I was so excited when I got back as I always get a Bonio when I do that I went running through the door. The ink had apparently ran out whilst The Owner was printing and he was in the stationery cupboard behind the door. Well I didn't know!!!! I ran in, the door hit his bum, he stood up, (far too quickly I thought) and hit the back of his head on the door catch! Well I thought it was only a little bump! Clearly I was wrong judging by the amount of fuss he has been making ever since. I met a lot of people that I have seen before at the hospital on previous occasions. He came out with stitches and a plaster but has since opted for the full head bandage inevitably. We were sat watching a program about King Tut last night and I thought he was looking a bit like one of them mummy things! I escaped trouble as Annie was there and he didn't want to appear grumpy. I think I may save up some of my bigger accidents for when she is there again!
Someone has removed the badger from up on the hill which was a shame as that ought to have been getting quite edible by now! I was so excited when I got back as I always get a Bonio when I do that I went running through the door. The ink had apparently ran out whilst The Owner was printing and he was in the stationery cupboard behind the door. Well I didn't know!!!! I ran in, the door hit his bum, he stood up, (far too quickly I thought) and hit the back of his head on the door catch! Well I thought it was only a little bump! Clearly I was wrong judging by the amount of fuss he has been making ever since. I met a lot of people that I have seen before at the hospital on previous occasions. He came out with stitches and a plaster but has since opted for the full head bandage inevitably. We were sat watching a program about King Tut last night and I thought he was looking a bit like one of them mummy things! I escaped trouble as Annie was there and he didn't want to appear grumpy. I think I may save up some of my bigger accidents for when she is there again!
The Holes in the Neck
What to tell you about first? Should it be the lump on the back of The Owner's head or the bite marks on my neck from Lady Chocolate Lab :P?
Well the evening had been going swimmingly once we had got The Owner to shut up about being "incarcerated in that awful tomb!". Well hello, that's my bedroom you're talking about there, where I get sent for everything and for anything!
Lady Chocolate Lab Owner and The Owner were talking and drinking and doing hoomun stuff so I thought maybe now is the time to get a little closer. So I snuggled up nicely on MY cushion with Lady Chocolate Lab and started to sniff her ear a little, gently I thought! Then I got a wack across the nose from The Owner and Lady Chocolate Lab bit me on my neck! I now understand why The Owner always says that women are unfathomable! So I took myself off to the boot room, sorry, "That awful tomb", as a precaution leaving Lady Chocolate Lab curled up on MY cushion!
Wounded I am! The Owner thinks its funny of course, keeps making jokes about not drinking too much in case I leak! He has no sensitivity!
Well the evening had been going swimmingly once we had got The Owner to shut up about being "incarcerated in that awful tomb!". Well hello, that's my bedroom you're talking about there, where I get sent for everything and for anything!
Lady Chocolate Lab Owner and The Owner were talking and drinking and doing hoomun stuff so I thought maybe now is the time to get a little closer. So I snuggled up nicely on MY cushion with Lady Chocolate Lab and started to sniff her ear a little, gently I thought! Then I got a wack across the nose from The Owner and Lady Chocolate Lab bit me on my neck! I now understand why The Owner always says that women are unfathomable! So I took myself off to the boot room, sorry, "That awful tomb", as a precaution leaving Lady Chocolate Lab curled up on MY cushion!
Wounded I am! The Owner thinks its funny of course, keeps making jokes about not drinking too much in case I leak! He has no sensitivity!
Tuesday, 8 June 2010
The Owner's in the boot room!
Oh peace! For a while anyway. Front door was open and he locked back door to keep Builder out, why, escapes me as there was a stonking great hole where a windown should have been in the kitchen wall. Now, small boy has been telling him that the catch on the boot room door keeps falling off for a long time but of course he isn't going to get a new one and put money in the tills of B&Q.
Incidentally there is a burger van there who is a really nice man and always gives me a sausage when The Owner isn't looking). So the wind blows the boot room door shut with a bang whilst The Owner is in the boot room doing heaven knows what and the catch falls off! No surprise there then, ok, so it may have been helped to bang shut a little by an exuberant tail swishing! So there he stayed until Lady Chocolate Labrador and Lady Chocolate Lab Owner arrive. Eager to see that all the seats and cushions wer going to comfortable enough for them I took the opportunity to try all of them. The Owner did look quite pathetic when they arrived and let him out. He has been milking it ever since telling anyone who will listen about an incident in his early childhood when he was imprisoned by a bully. Yeah!?!?! Once upon a time....
Incidentally there is a burger van there who is a really nice man and always gives me a sausage when The Owner isn't looking). So the wind blows the boot room door shut with a bang whilst The Owner is in the boot room doing heaven knows what and the catch falls off! No surprise there then, ok, so it may have been helped to bang shut a little by an exuberant tail swishing! So there he stayed until Lady Chocolate Labrador and Lady Chocolate Lab Owner arrive. Eager to see that all the seats and cushions wer going to comfortable enough for them I took the opportunity to try all of them. The Owner did look quite pathetic when they arrived and let him out. He has been milking it ever since telling anyone who will listen about an incident in his early childhood when he was imprisoned by a bully. Yeah!?!?! Once upon a time....
The Builders Holes
Well, talk about double standards! We went home for lunch today, The Owner and me. When we got there, Builder was just finishing putting the window and its frame back together. I thought "That looked nice", and went on a quick patrol up the garden to check to see if Builder had left any sandwich crusts round by the bench from his lunch earlier.
When I came back they were both stood around a hole they had just dug discussing things with a certain air of gravitas. Then before you could say "Bonios five times a day would be nice, please" they've got shovels and forks and a big metal bar and there are holes everywhere! They had hose pipes squirting water everywhere and of course The Owner being of a, frankly, childish nature just had to squirt it at me as well and then laugh loudly. I just hope they fill them all in before tonight, Lady Chocolate Lab is coming round this evening and I really don't want her to think I would behave in such an infantile manner. I may find a way of shutting him in the boot room tonight as a punishment.
When I came back they were both stood around a hole they had just dug discussing things with a certain air of gravitas. Then before you could say "Bonios five times a day would be nice, please" they've got shovels and forks and a big metal bar and there are holes everywhere! They had hose pipes squirting water everywhere and of course The Owner being of a, frankly, childish nature just had to squirt it at me as well and then laugh loudly. I just hope they fill them all in before tonight, Lady Chocolate Lab is coming round this evening and I really don't want her to think I would behave in such an infantile manner. I may find a way of shutting him in the boot room tonight as a punishment.
Monday, 7 June 2010
The Ditch
Last night me and The Owner went to the pub, pubs really are my favourite! There was lots of people there all dressed posh, ladies with funny dresses on and men with suits like The Owner wears when he goes to Lundon sometimes. I think it was a wedding or something, do dogs do weddings?
Well he started showing that picture of me up at the window to everyone, which I was a bit embarrassed about at first until I realise all the lady hoomuns thought I was cute and made a fuss of me. No Bonio's though! On the way home, walking again, it was dark, a car appeared in the distance and suddenly The Owner was gone! Couldn't see him anywhere! Then I heard him grumbling, he stepped sideways to get out of the road and fell in the ditch, well more of a stream really and hoomun car driver stopped and helped him out of the ditch again all wet and horrible. It was a long squelch home after that, as he tried desperately to reason with himself that it was someone elses fault. I do sometimes wish dogs could laugh!
Well he started showing that picture of me up at the window to everyone, which I was a bit embarrassed about at first until I realise all the lady hoomuns thought I was cute and made a fuss of me. No Bonio's though! On the way home, walking again, it was dark, a car appeared in the distance and suddenly The Owner was gone! Couldn't see him anywhere! Then I heard him grumbling, he stepped sideways to get out of the road and fell in the ditch, well more of a stream really and hoomun car driver stopped and helped him out of the ditch again all wet and horrible. It was a long squelch home after that, as he tried desperately to reason with himself that it was someone elses fault. I do sometimes wish dogs could laugh!
The Jehovah's Witness
We were sat there watching the telly with some noisy motor bikes whizzing very fast round a track. I think The Owner must have known one of them coz he kept shouting at this one called Moto G.P. how he wasn't worth the money or something. But someone called Jehovah must have had an accident somewhere, as these people came knocking at the door saying they were Witnesses.
The Owner didn't seem pleased to see them and seemed quite grateful that I had rushed out barking and stuff. He even forgave me for knocking his glass over in my rush to go and bark at them which was a first. That would normally mean a while shut in the boot room! When I burst through the door they were stood there looking at the sky saying 'Save us!' I did look up but couldn't see anything!
The Owner didn't seem pleased to see them and seemed quite grateful that I had rushed out barking and stuff. He even forgave me for knocking his glass over in my rush to go and bark at them which was a first. That would normally mean a while shut in the boot room! When I burst through the door they were stood there looking at the sky saying 'Save us!' I did look up but couldn't see anything!
The Romeo Dog
Man, those roses stink! The Owner will be hanging out the same window later on stuffing his nose in them and waxing lyrical. Yuk and Phew!!!
Saturday, 5 June 2010
The Builders Mess
Well I have kept right out of the way today. Builder has been in and he's knocked most of the window out in the kitchen and there's now a big hole there. There is dust everywhere in the cottage and muddy footprints all over the kitchen carpet.
Small Boy once made a mess like that with a kitchen cupboard door and everyone got the blame so I made a point of coming down to the farm to find The Owner and staying where he could see me most of the day, just so I didn't get implicated in the mess brewing at home. I wonder if it's safe to come out yet?
Small Boy once made a mess like that with a kitchen cupboard door and everyone got the blame so I made a point of coming down to the farm to find The Owner and staying where he could see me most of the day, just so I didn't get implicated in the mess brewing at home. I wonder if it's safe to come out yet?
Thursday, 3 June 2010
The Builders Biscuits
The Owner has got the builder in to do some work to the cottage, the window sill on the kitchen window has rotted. I'm just grateful that I can't quite manage to pee that high or I'm certain I would have got the blame for causing the rot!
I thought Builder and me were going to get on well at first, he sat down on the bench in the garden to drink the cup of tea The Owner had made for him and put some biscuits on the bench for me. I thought "What a kind man!" So I took them! Seemed perfectly reasonable to me! Builder started bellowing loudly and chased me round the garden. He's going to get indigestion, running around like that when he's eating and drinking! I had planned a day with my new friend Builder in the garden but I think I'm going down to the farm to find The Owner now.
I thought Builder and me were going to get on well at first, he sat down on the bench in the garden to drink the cup of tea The Owner had made for him and put some biscuits on the bench for me. I thought "What a kind man!" So I took them! Seemed perfectly reasonable to me! Builder started bellowing loudly and chased me round the garden. He's going to get indigestion, running around like that when he's eating and drinking! I had planned a day with my new friend Builder in the garden but I think I'm going down to the farm to find The Owner now.
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
Tuesday, 1 June 2010
The Great Upstairs!
Yesterday The Owner took me round to see Lady Chocolate Labrador and we had great fun running around her garden while The Owner and Lady Chocolate Lab Owner were sat in the garden watching and laughing and hoomun stuff.
Then we all went inside and we were allowed to go upstairs! I've never been upstairs before, I didn't think dogs do upstairs. I have now realised why The Owner kept me from going up there at our home! Lady Chocolate Lab Owner has a nice soft bed, I know because we climbed on it and curled up in a nice warm duvet! And she doesn't have a boot room! I think I might try that at home next time The Owner is out!
Then we all went inside and we were allowed to go upstairs! I've never been upstairs before, I didn't think dogs do upstairs. I have now realised why The Owner kept me from going up there at our home! Lady Chocolate Lab Owner has a nice soft bed, I know because we climbed on it and curled up in a nice warm duvet! And she doesn't have a boot room! I think I might try that at home next time The Owner is out!
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