Another Early Morning

He, The Owner, is beginning to worry me. This morning when it was barely light he comes grumbling down the stairs and starts clattering around the kitchen trying to put the kettle on. Eventually he has to give in and put the lights on and the earlier he does that the less pain he inflicts upon himself and the better my day will then turn out to be.

Its not the kitchen light that worries me but why is he getting up so early? Toast toasted and tea made and poured into the cup this time and not over the toast,he then starts grumbling coz Reg the Paper Boy hasn't been yet with his papers. I am on best behaviour where Reg the Paper Boy is concerned after the last incident. The Owner was presented with a laundry bill and told in no uncertain terms that he wouldn't deliver any more if I acted up again. Eventually Reg turns up with the paper and after a brief conversation about the mornings being the best part of the day The Owner made himself another cup of tea and settled down to read his paper. I don't think he had got through the headlines on the font page before his eyelids where starting to become a little heavy. I curled up on the far side of the room out of the way because I knew what would happen. Within a few minutes his hand went momentarily limp as he slipped into sleep. I say momentarily because that was the hand he had his tea in and when the hot tea spilled over his lap it suddenly wasn't very limp at all. Not yet seven in the morning and already he is on his second change of clothes! Even though I was on the other side of the room he still gave me half an accusing stare. I just hope he learnt his lesson the last time and doesn't put the cushion cover in with his trousers again. Although I liked the pinkish orange colour his trousers came out! It's now eight o clock and he's already asleep again and snoring loudly. I think I'll take myself for a walk this morning. It could be another very long day!

Dunking Your Toast

We got of to a bad start this morning. The Owner came banging down the stairs first thing and put the kettle on and then let me in the house. He fed me and then set about making himself some toast and put lots of butter on it. So far it had gone well! Then he went to pour the tea into his cup, picked up the pot in one hand and the tea strainer in the other.

I couldn't help but think that he may have been better off putting both of those things over the cup but instead started to pour the tea over his toast. It took him several seconds to realise what I thought was a very obvious mistake! There then followed several minutes of cursing and swearing and very noisy cutting of more bread. The toaster which can be very temperamental clearly had recognised the gravity of the situation and co-operated when the bread was put in and the buttons were pressed. Once the toast was made for the second time and the tea poured, into the cup this time, The Owner shuffled off up stairs with it to bed again. Perhaps hoping it would be better starting the day again. I went outside for a quick patrol and discovered it was raining very hard, puddles everywhere! After a while I thought I ought really to try and bring a smile to his face after such a bad start to the day so, even though I am not allowed to, I went upstairs on my return to the cottage and clambered up on to his bed to let him have a cuddle. I thought that was one way to make him feel a bit better. He didn't seem to appreciate the trouble I went to and complained very loudly about muddy paws and wet fur. In fact there was nearly as much swearing as there was when he poured the tea in the wrong place. You just can't help some people can you? I think I will leave him to it.

The Owner's Evening Visitor

Last night The Owner had a Lady Hoomun come to see him. I've seen her before in some of the groups of his friends but he told me that this was a "Private matter". When she turned up I did my best to make her feel welcome by rolling on my back and doing the silly run, out round the tree and back and other stuff like that.

The Owner made them both a mug of tea and they sat down. Well this was normally my time for a fuss so I rolled over The Owners lap and stuffed my nose under his hand to try and attract his attention. So The Owner shut me in the dining room. It was obviously a misunderstanding so I went through the kitchen and stuffed my nose on the back door of the boot room and went outside and round the cottage and in the front door and back to where The Owner was sat. It seems that it wasn't a misunderstanding as I was promptly put back in the dining room and both doors were shut this time. Harumph! After a while The Owner came in to make another pot of tea and so let me go up the garden, he had obviously forgiven me I felt, so I went quickly up to the woods (because I needed to, alright?!) and then came running back down, across the patio, through the boot room, through the kitchen, through the dining room, down the hall way building speed all the way and then did my silly run twice round the living room carpet. I thought that would make him smile a bit! I did notice he looked quite peeved so I went faster. It would seem that the cards and paper across the living room carpet didn't require muddy pawprints, or reshuffling, and were apparently quite important. Neither did the two tea mugs require knocking over. Lady Hoomun left soon afterwards, I guess, although it is a little difficult to hear properly what is going on in the rest of the house when you're shut in the boot room.

The Cow with a Calf

It is raining here ever so hard and apart from The Owner getting very wet on the way home for lunch because he didn't believe the forecast and didn't take a jacket with him to work this morning, I actually quite like the rain. You understand that my concern about The Owner's well being is only borne from the knowledge that he will get wet, then cold and then grumpy. The down side of all the rain and stuff is that all y efforts at weeing up post, trees and other bits and bobs all get undone as it gets washed away. So on the way home I nearly ran out of wee and only just managed to find enough to do the tree on the front path to the cottage. It was a bit of a struggle! On the walk back despite the fact that it is still raining and everything had been washed away again I was unable to repair the damage and so at the moment my territory is largely unprotected. This leaves me feeling quite vulnerable at the moment. So the walk back to work was a more straightforward process than I would normally have done; until I got to the paddock by the old barn! Can we have a few dramatic chords at this point? In the paddock is a cow with two young calves, only a few days old, so I wandered up the grass bank for a closer look at mother and child. Then I saw it! What on earth is going on here? Is this right?

The Garden Gate

Tonight, by the time we got home from the office, you'll be pleased to know I am sure, I was feeling a lot better after my hangover. When we got in The Owner fed me and I went up the garden to the woods at the top to do what dogs do best in the woods after feeding. Ever mindful of my little "Ooops!" yesterday I made a very cautious return to the cottage taking particular care when passing the patio table. Things were going well I thought. After a while The Owner decided it was time for my evening constitutional across the fields and I was REALLY excited after having done very little all day but feel sorry for myself. We got to the front gate and The Owner opened the latch. Now I know the gate opens inwards but I forgot myself and burst forth and now the gate opens outwards. Well it doesn't really open either way now, it just sort of lays on the floor, propped up on one edge. Does anyone have any gate hinges they don't want?

I've Got a Hangover!

You may recall how yesterday I was doused in a bottle of what The Owner described as 'the finest of wines' and I was left in the boot room to clean myself up a little. Well this morning I still have a pretty pink patch on my back and side and to cap it all I have a bad headache and I don't feel well! Is this what you hoomuns have to go through after you've drunk some of this stuff? Can't imagine what would have made anyone think this was the result of a good night out. I feel grumpy as well so heaven help Postman when he arrives, I may have an opinion on the matter!

The Large Wine Glass

We've been out for most of the day, The Owner took me to a car boot sale this morning. Not sure why as he already has a boot on his car which looks perfectly good to me, but I went along with it. He went from stall to stall arguing with all of them about whether or not he could buy it cheaper, new, at the supermarket.

I made a little mistake early on in the day by weeing up the first post I came across. Well I was bursting! I didn't know it was an antique hat stand, whatever one of them is! We had to scuttle on down a few stalls quick to get away from some people who were just a little less than amused by my efforts and watched us for quite a while with their hands on their hips. A bit unnecessary I thought! All was not lost though as we found a burger van, it was not the Hoomun Lady Burgervan Owner that I know but she was ok as she gave me a sausage when The Owner wasn't looking. He seemed particularly pleased when he found a wine glass, which he told anyone who was daft enough to listen, was built to hold a whole bottle. On the way home we stopped in Tesco Shop and he bought a bottle of wine. Now usually he has a couple of empty bottles at home with expensive labels on that he fills from a plastic bottle that costs no more than £2.99 and then takes it out to his guests and lets them watch him pour it into his decanter. But, today he bought one that was worth lots of money, more than a whole months supply of Bonio's. When we got back we went and watched the cricket over the way and then came back and he started to prepare some mouldy cheeses and some slices of mouldy sausage (yuk, not touching them myself!). He fed me and I went off up the garden to the woods at the top to do what doggies do best after a meal and then came rushing back down the garden feeling relieved and well pleased with my efforts, round the corner and straight into the table he'd put out. His expensive wine, in his new glass, was on the table........... and is now all over my back! I am now in the boot room, with the door shut! He is indoors somewhere drinking more of his cheap plonk from his cheap glasses. Don't think I will be getting a Bonio tonight somehow.