The Water Table

Forgive the slight blur on my picture but I thought it leant itself to a better image of frantic action, which there was! I was becoming a bit concerned about the continued lack of water in the pond and particularly after listening to The Owner the other night so I felt a more thorough search of the pond for the leak was in order. One evening last week The Owner was looking out of the window, glad that the rain was providing a further excuse not to get out and cut the lawns, when he sighed as he poured himself another very large sherry and said, "Well at least it will lift the water table enough to help the ponds!". Now I've sat and thought about that and I've snoozed whilst contemplating that, but try as I might I cannot get my head around it. How on earth do you build a table out of water?!?!? And how will that help the pond?!?!?!? And how do you lift a table made only of water???!?!? I think I need to select a particularly succulent Bonio and take to my bed for another nap whilst I consider this further. Still haven't found the leak in the pond though.

The Hussy comes to Visit

The other night, just before we went home for my tea, The Keeper from the farm, who is my mate, arrived to go and do his evening patrol of the farm. No need for him to do it as well, I do enough patrolling for the both of us but he seems to need to feel he's doing something constructive. On this occasion he had brought his little spaniel bitch who smelled particularly gooooood! Well, god forbid! The bitch was all over me! The Owner had to drag her off me!!!!! I kinda wished he didn't but you know how these owners get sometimes. So he took her back and put her in Keepers car and then had to drag me home. Man, did he grumble that night. I just wanted to go back and see if she was still up there looking for me! The following morning, when it was time for work, now I know what you're going to say, "let him open the door first", but I was so keen to get down to the farm and wait to see if the hussy turned up again that I ran straight into the front door as soon as The Owner put his hand on the latch to open it. I did have to stagger a bit whilst I regained my composure before I was ready to meet the world. Of course The Owner had no sympathy, he kept going around with his finger pressed against his nose and laughing at me. I think he looked like a camel! I spent the rest of the day watching in case she came back to see me. My friend Keeper is not so much my friend now, he turned up to patrol the farm the following night without her! Well he can patrol his own farm himself without my assistance from now on, I think he walks like a camel too!

Stairway to heaven.

It wasn't raining when we went in!

Badger!

First thing this morning The Owner did his usual routine. Come down the stairs (grumbling to himself) put the kettle on, (still grumbling) put the tea in the pot (more grumbling), let me out and then feed me (lots more grumbling, this time about the price of dog food) and then whilst I go up the garden he shuffles off to put the telly on and grumble at the BBC news team.

This morning it was still stuck on CBBC so there was a lot of grumbling going on. I went up the garden as normal and imagine my surprise and pleasure when I came to realise that a badger had left a dollop of poo especially for me in my garden! So I rolled in it, all down one side and went rushing in to show The Owner, he didn't seem at all impressed as when I came in he ruffled the fur on my shoulder and got it all over his hand. Well he wasn't supposed to do that!!!! He sent me outside after that and I had to walk downwind of him to the office. When we got there I had to sit outside whilst he did his computer stuff and had a cup of tea, I felt sure he had the hosepipe in his mind for me! Postman is on holiday so we have Relief Postman this week. To be fair, I didn't see him come up the track so hadn't time to prepare a suitable repost. Suddenly there he was and made a big fuss of me. He was far too polite to say anything but I don't think he was too impressed with the badger poo that was now all over his hands and as he retreated down the track he was seen to be looking at his hand and then trying to wipe it on his trousers. I was set about by The Owner with the hose pipe soon after, I think he derives far too much pleasure from that hosepipe and the yard broom! Later in the day The Owner's mate came in for a coffee and was complaining about how the post today had a very strange smell about it and had we noticed. I felt it was time to slip unnoticed out of the door and go on a quick patrol around the farm.

The Squidger's Demise

This morning was quite a sedate affair, nothing out of the ordinary. I got fed, then let out up the garden for a quick patrol of the perimeter and then back in doors where The Owner had made himself a cup of tea. I did my quick little dance to see if I could elicit a dish of sweet tea for myself but to no avail as The Owner grumbled off to the living room and sat down.

He picked up the TV remote which rather childishly refers to as "The Squidger" (see, I was right, it isn't a word! The spell checker doesn't like it.) and switched on the TV to watch the BBC Breakfast News. Normal behaviour is to grumble at the presenters about "poor diction" or "slovenly standards" and to shout angrily at any politician who feels brave enough to show their faces on the screen and this morning was no exception. He even became extremely animated when "That Slime Ball Peter Mandelson" appeared on the screen. The morning was normal! The he said those words which have great significance, "Ah Well"! Now that can mean any of many different things and the skill comes in working out which and therefore an appropriate course of action from me. This morning the Ah Well I took to me mean he was going to get ready for work which was a cause for great excitement as it had been raining over night and there was much weeing up posts to be done, so I jumped up and ran across to where he was sitting and put my paws on the edge of the seat. Unfortunately that was where "The Squidger" was and I managed to change channels as I knocked it off the seat. That was a mere inconvenience but it was the plop that followed which caused the problem as it dropped into his mug of tea. The Squidger seems unable or unwilling to do anything now and he is stuck on the CBBC channel until we can go and get a new one. I get the feeling that Sponge Bob Square Pants is not going to cut it for this evenings entertainment. I may opt for the spot behind the barbecue for snoozing this evening. Is it due to rain?

Another Early Morning

He, The Owner, is beginning to worry me. This morning when it was barely light he comes grumbling down the stairs and starts clattering around the kitchen trying to put the kettle on. Eventually he has to give in and put the lights on and the earlier he does that the less pain he inflicts upon himself and the better my day will then turn out to be.

Its not the kitchen light that worries me but why is he getting up so early? Toast toasted and tea made and poured into the cup this time and not over the toast,he then starts grumbling coz Reg the Paper Boy hasn't been yet with his papers. I am on best behaviour where Reg the Paper Boy is concerned after the last incident. The Owner was presented with a laundry bill and told in no uncertain terms that he wouldn't deliver any more if I acted up again. Eventually Reg turns up with the paper and after a brief conversation about the mornings being the best part of the day The Owner made himself another cup of tea and settled down to read his paper. I don't think he had got through the headlines on the font page before his eyelids where starting to become a little heavy. I curled up on the far side of the room out of the way because I knew what would happen. Within a few minutes his hand went momentarily limp as he slipped into sleep. I say momentarily because that was the hand he had his tea in and when the hot tea spilled over his lap it suddenly wasn't very limp at all. Not yet seven in the morning and already he is on his second change of clothes! Even though I was on the other side of the room he still gave me half an accusing stare. I just hope he learnt his lesson the last time and doesn't put the cushion cover in with his trousers again. Although I liked the pinkish orange colour his trousers came out! It's now eight o clock and he's already asleep again and snoring loudly. I think I'll take myself for a walk this morning. It could be another very long day!

Dunking Your Toast

We got of to a bad start this morning. The Owner came banging down the stairs first thing and put the kettle on and then let me in the house. He fed me and then set about making himself some toast and put lots of butter on it. So far it had gone well! Then he went to pour the tea into his cup, picked up the pot in one hand and the tea strainer in the other.

I couldn't help but think that he may have been better off putting both of those things over the cup but instead started to pour the tea over his toast. It took him several seconds to realise what I thought was a very obvious mistake! There then followed several minutes of cursing and swearing and very noisy cutting of more bread. The toaster which can be very temperamental clearly had recognised the gravity of the situation and co-operated when the bread was put in and the buttons were pressed. Once the toast was made for the second time and the tea poured, into the cup this time, The Owner shuffled off up stairs with it to bed again. Perhaps hoping it would be better starting the day again. I went outside for a quick patrol and discovered it was raining very hard, puddles everywhere! After a while I thought I ought really to try and bring a smile to his face after such a bad start to the day so, even though I am not allowed to, I went upstairs on my return to the cottage and clambered up on to his bed to let him have a cuddle. I thought that was one way to make him feel a bit better. He didn't seem to appreciate the trouble I went to and complained very loudly about muddy paws and wet fur. In fact there was nearly as much swearing as there was when he poured the tea in the wrong place. You just can't help some people can you? I think I will leave him to it.