It was only moments after five this morning when he came grumbling down the stairs. How do I know this? Coz HE has to have the old grandfather clock boing boinging all night long "To add a sense of time to the cottage". He has a nice little digital clock on the cooker that adds all the sense of time you need to the cottage and it does so quietly!
HE can't hear it from his bedroom, however this piece of torture equipment is right outside the boot room door. Tick tock tick tock boing boing! I have already planned to wee up it enough to cause it to rot and then fall over. A bit long term I know but you have to be a bit subtle sometimes. Anyway, he grumbles around the kitchen and makes a cup of tea and then goes for the next stage in his morning ritual of shouting at the telly whilst watching BBC Breakfast News, except its too early even for them, so he falls asleep. Well that made good use of the early start then didn't it! When he did eventually wake up again he spent far too long getting ready, all I do is a quick shake and wipe my ears with my paws and we're ready to face the world. After more rain last night and yesterday there are so many posts to wee up as you would imagine. I was having to pace myself for fear of running out before we got to the office. As we passed the pond I noticed that someone had thrown a bottle in during the night and I marked that down for exploring later in the day and carried on. I was half way towards the farm when it suddenly dawned on me, it was floating! The bottle was floating! There was water back in the pond! There was room for more, agreed, but I think Tanker Driver must have come back in the night and put some back. I frankly don't believe all that nonsense from The Owner about tables made of water, it was definitely Tanker Driver and I shall be hiding in the hedge today and watching for him to return with more water. I will keep you informed!
Tuesday, 24 August 2010
Monday, 23 August 2010
Abandoned on the Cricket Pitch
Yesterday, as previously reported the weather was good here and The Owner took some cans of beer and after the suggestion of a hoomun friend of his grabbed one of the picnic chairs left after a barbecue at the cottage in preference to him sitting on the floor and fidgeting through the entire match.
Armed with his new best friend, the picnic chair, and a pack of Fosters, he deposited himself just outside the boundary under the tree to watch the match. It was not long before these early mornings he has been inflicting on himself and me started to take their toll as his eyes became as heavy as his beer can, which he dropped as he fell asleep. It was a good match with plenty of boundary shots and other stuff and I had learned my lesson from previous matches and despite the fact that I think the home team really needed my help I refused to pick up the ball and take it back to the bowler for them. To be honest, The Owner saw none of it after slumber overtook him completely. They finished their game and The Owner was still sat in his picnic chair, under the tree, sound asleep surrounded by the foam from his fallen can of beer. They packed up the wicket and cleared all the boundary markers and The Owner was still sat in his chair asleep! So they all laughed loudly as they jumped in their cars and rushed off up to the pub to celebrate another sound defeat and left The Owner still in his chair and still very much asleep. Well that left me with a dilemma, should I go with them up to the pub and try and scrounge a morsel from an empty crisp packet or two, should I stay loyally by his side and run the risk of copping the flack when he wakes up with a stiff neck and is looking for someone to blame, or should I go home and see if I can sort myself out some tea? I opted for the tea at home but after an hour and the clouds were beginning to gather on the horizon I thought I ought really to go and check on him. Anxious not to get too much flack I sat by the gate into the field and waited. The gathering clouds having gathered and were now looking for someone to dump their contents upon, settled upon The Owner and dumped in some style. He eventually came round and realised that the rain was near monsoon levels so shuffled off home grumbling, dragging his chair and beer cans behind him. The good thing was he then fed me! Two meals in one night! Result!
Armed with his new best friend, the picnic chair, and a pack of Fosters, he deposited himself just outside the boundary under the tree to watch the match. It was not long before these early mornings he has been inflicting on himself and me started to take their toll as his eyes became as heavy as his beer can, which he dropped as he fell asleep. It was a good match with plenty of boundary shots and other stuff and I had learned my lesson from previous matches and despite the fact that I think the home team really needed my help I refused to pick up the ball and take it back to the bowler for them. To be honest, The Owner saw none of it after slumber overtook him completely. They finished their game and The Owner was still sat in his picnic chair, under the tree, sound asleep surrounded by the foam from his fallen can of beer. They packed up the wicket and cleared all the boundary markers and The Owner was still sat in his chair asleep! So they all laughed loudly as they jumped in their cars and rushed off up to the pub to celebrate another sound defeat and left The Owner still in his chair and still very much asleep. Well that left me with a dilemma, should I go with them up to the pub and try and scrounge a morsel from an empty crisp packet or two, should I stay loyally by his side and run the risk of copping the flack when he wakes up with a stiff neck and is looking for someone to blame, or should I go home and see if I can sort myself out some tea? I opted for the tea at home but after an hour and the clouds were beginning to gather on the horizon I thought I ought really to go and check on him. Anxious not to get too much flack I sat by the gate into the field and waited. The gathering clouds having gathered and were now looking for someone to dump their contents upon, settled upon The Owner and dumped in some style. He eventually came round and realised that the rain was near monsoon levels so shuffled off home grumbling, dragging his chair and beer cans behind him. The good thing was he then fed me! Two meals in one night! Result!
The Water Table
Forgive the slight blur on my picture but I thought it leant itself to a better image of frantic action, which there was! I was becoming a bit concerned about the continued lack of water in the pond and particularly after listening to The Owner the other night so I felt a more thorough search of the pond for the leak was in order. One evening last week The Owner was looking out of the window, glad that the rain was providing a further excuse not to get out and cut the lawns, when he sighed as he poured himself another very large sherry and said, "Well at least it will lift the water table enough to help the ponds!". Now I've sat and thought about that and I've snoozed whilst contemplating that, but try as I might I cannot get my head around it. How on earth do you build a table out of water?!?!? And how will that help the pond?!?!?!? And how do you lift a table made only of water???!?!? I think I need to select a particularly succulent Bonio and take to my bed for another nap whilst I consider this further. Still haven't found the leak in the pond though.
The Hussy comes to Visit
The other night, just before we went home for my tea, The Keeper from the farm, who is my mate, arrived to go and do his evening patrol of the farm. No need for him to do it as well, I do enough patrolling for the both of us but he seems to need to feel he's doing something constructive. On this occasion he had brought his little spaniel bitch who smelled particularly gooooood! Well, god forbid! The bitch was all over me! The Owner had to drag her off me!!!!! I kinda wished he didn't but you know how these owners get sometimes. So he took her back and put her in Keepers car and then had to drag me home. Man, did he grumble that night. I just wanted to go back and see if she was still up there looking for me! The following morning, when it was time for work, now I know what you're going to say, "let him open the door first", but I was so keen to get down to the farm and wait to see if the hussy turned up again that I ran straight into the front door as soon as The Owner put his hand on the latch to open it. I did have to stagger a bit whilst I regained my composure before I was ready to meet the world. Of course The Owner had no sympathy, he kept going around with his finger pressed against his nose and laughing at me. I think he looked like a camel! I spent the rest of the day watching in case she came back to see me. My friend Keeper is not so much my friend now, he turned up to patrol the farm the following night without her! Well he can patrol his own farm himself without my assistance from now on, I think he walks like a camel too!
Badger!
First thing this morning The Owner did his usual routine. Come down the stairs (grumbling to himself) put the kettle on, (still grumbling) put the tea in the pot (more grumbling), let me out and then feed me (lots more grumbling, this time about the price of dog food) and then whilst I go up the garden he shuffles off to put the telly on and grumble at the BBC news team.
This morning it was still stuck on CBBC so there was a lot of grumbling going on. I went up the garden as normal and imagine my surprise and pleasure when I came to realise that a badger had left a dollop of poo especially for me in my garden! So I rolled in it, all down one side and went rushing in to show The Owner, he didn't seem at all impressed as when I came in he ruffled the fur on my shoulder and got it all over his hand. Well he wasn't supposed to do that!!!! He sent me outside after that and I had to walk downwind of him to the office. When we got there I had to sit outside whilst he did his computer stuff and had a cup of tea, I felt sure he had the hosepipe in his mind for me! Postman is on holiday so we have Relief Postman this week. To be fair, I didn't see him come up the track so hadn't time to prepare a suitable repost. Suddenly there he was and made a big fuss of me. He was far too polite to say anything but I don't think he was too impressed with the badger poo that was now all over his hands and as he retreated down the track he was seen to be looking at his hand and then trying to wipe it on his trousers. I was set about by The Owner with the hose pipe soon after, I think he derives far too much pleasure from that hosepipe and the yard broom! Later in the day The Owner's mate came in for a coffee and was complaining about how the post today had a very strange smell about it and had we noticed. I felt it was time to slip unnoticed out of the door and go on a quick patrol around the farm.
This morning it was still stuck on CBBC so there was a lot of grumbling going on. I went up the garden as normal and imagine my surprise and pleasure when I came to realise that a badger had left a dollop of poo especially for me in my garden! So I rolled in it, all down one side and went rushing in to show The Owner, he didn't seem at all impressed as when I came in he ruffled the fur on my shoulder and got it all over his hand. Well he wasn't supposed to do that!!!! He sent me outside after that and I had to walk downwind of him to the office. When we got there I had to sit outside whilst he did his computer stuff and had a cup of tea, I felt sure he had the hosepipe in his mind for me! Postman is on holiday so we have Relief Postman this week. To be fair, I didn't see him come up the track so hadn't time to prepare a suitable repost. Suddenly there he was and made a big fuss of me. He was far too polite to say anything but I don't think he was too impressed with the badger poo that was now all over his hands and as he retreated down the track he was seen to be looking at his hand and then trying to wipe it on his trousers. I was set about by The Owner with the hose pipe soon after, I think he derives far too much pleasure from that hosepipe and the yard broom! Later in the day The Owner's mate came in for a coffee and was complaining about how the post today had a very strange smell about it and had we noticed. I felt it was time to slip unnoticed out of the door and go on a quick patrol around the farm.
Tuesday, 17 August 2010
The Squidger's Demise
This morning was quite a sedate affair, nothing out of the ordinary. I got fed, then let out up the garden for a quick patrol of the perimeter and then back in doors where The Owner had made himself a cup of tea. I did my quick little dance to see if I could elicit a dish of sweet tea for myself but to no avail as The Owner grumbled off to the living room and sat down.
He picked up the TV remote which rather childishly refers to as "The Squidger" (see, I was right, it isn't a word! The spell checker doesn't like it.) and switched on the TV to watch the BBC Breakfast News. Normal behaviour is to grumble at the presenters about "poor diction" or "slovenly standards" and to shout angrily at any politician who feels brave enough to show their faces on the screen and this morning was no exception. He even became extremely animated when "That Slime Ball Peter Mandelson" appeared on the screen. The morning was normal! The he said those words which have great significance, "Ah Well"! Now that can mean any of many different things and the skill comes in working out which and therefore an appropriate course of action from me. This morning the Ah Well I took to me mean he was going to get ready for work which was a cause for great excitement as it had been raining over night and there was much weeing up posts to be done, so I jumped up and ran across to where he was sitting and put my paws on the edge of the seat. Unfortunately that was where "The Squidger" was and I managed to change channels as I knocked it off the seat. That was a mere inconvenience but it was the plop that followed which caused the problem as it dropped into his mug of tea. The Squidger seems unable or unwilling to do anything now and he is stuck on the CBBC channel until we can go and get a new one. I get the feeling that Sponge Bob Square Pants is not going to cut it for this evenings entertainment. I may opt for the spot behind the barbecue for snoozing this evening. Is it due to rain?
He picked up the TV remote which rather childishly refers to as "The Squidger" (see, I was right, it isn't a word! The spell checker doesn't like it.) and switched on the TV to watch the BBC Breakfast News. Normal behaviour is to grumble at the presenters about "poor diction" or "slovenly standards" and to shout angrily at any politician who feels brave enough to show their faces on the screen and this morning was no exception. He even became extremely animated when "That Slime Ball Peter Mandelson" appeared on the screen. The morning was normal! The he said those words which have great significance, "Ah Well"! Now that can mean any of many different things and the skill comes in working out which and therefore an appropriate course of action from me. This morning the Ah Well I took to me mean he was going to get ready for work which was a cause for great excitement as it had been raining over night and there was much weeing up posts to be done, so I jumped up and ran across to where he was sitting and put my paws on the edge of the seat. Unfortunately that was where "The Squidger" was and I managed to change channels as I knocked it off the seat. That was a mere inconvenience but it was the plop that followed which caused the problem as it dropped into his mug of tea. The Squidger seems unable or unwilling to do anything now and he is stuck on the CBBC channel until we can go and get a new one. I get the feeling that Sponge Bob Square Pants is not going to cut it for this evenings entertainment. I may opt for the spot behind the barbecue for snoozing this evening. Is it due to rain?
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