I'm back!

Thank you all for your concerns and welcome back. It is a very troubling time, has anyone seen The Owner? His tea mug still sits where he left it, with green mould now growing out of the top of it, well I can't work the dishwasher! I have patrolled daily across the hills in search of him, well ok there is a very interesting badger carcass up there to be fair, but The Owner is my primary cause for concern at the moment.

I have been unable to report from The Manor, it appears that Manor Hoomun and Lady Manor Hoomun don't do computers. I did search the downstairs for one but was unable to find anything. There may be one upstairs and although The Owner doesn't normally let me upstairs here, I didn't fancy my chances there either. Nothing to do with Manor Hoomun's rules, just with the amount of polished wood on that grand staircase I didn't fancy my chances of getting to the top and staying the right way up! I also didn't fancy my chances of remaining a welcome visitor if there was any repeat of the famous ancestral aspidistra incident either. You should see the size of the boot room in there as well! I was completely spoilt for choice as to which corner I should drag my duvet into for my bed each night. You could have fitted the entire cottage in there!

WE HAVE ELECTRIC

Yesss! We have electric! Owners Daughter came to see me and gave me some Bonio's and some feed so all is nearly well with the world again... well my world anyway. I've been ok, they took me in at the Manor which was good of them but those shiny floors? Oh man! The paws go one way and legs the other every time I tried to walk across them.

I'm afraid the hereditary ancestral aspidistra was a victim to my slight instability on polished floors. After apparently 100 years with the same plant they were due to replace it I would have thought. More later, much to do now I have electric. Has anyone seen The Owner? He still hasn't been seen!

The Last Post!

I've been on a patrol all round the farm; followed where I last saw The Owner heading through the morning mist and have come back home. Not a sign of him! The house is cold and except for the noise the electric metre is making all is quiet. I know The Owner does something to the meter when it makes that noise but I have no idea what or even if paws and claws can manage it! I'll go on another patrol later and see if I ca

He's not at The Pub

I have been to the pub to look for The Owner and got thrown out of there for not having a lead (pub rules) and a stroppy boxer dog wanted to pick a fight with me. I have breeding I do, I don't do pub brawls! The Owner wasn't there, so I came back to the farm to see if he was at the office but that was all locked up and quiet as a mouse inside. I am getting very worried now, he has missed his second mug of tea, breakfast, his mid morning sherry and now his Sunday lunchtime drink at the pub!

Has anyone seen The Owner?

Has Anyone seen The Owner?

It's now nearly lunchtime and The Owner hasn't returned! I notice he has closed his bedroom window, the first time since I have lived here with him and there's only two pounds on the electric meter. I daren't go and patrol looking for him in case he comes back. It's pouring down with rain, but I will stand firm and await his return.

Has anyone seen The Owner?

The Owner goes Walkabout

It was a normal start to the morning, that is to say normal for this household. Before the sun came up I heard Old Reg the paper boy throw The Owners Sunday paper at the front door from the gate, he's done that since I mistook him for one of the cyclists in brightly coloured shorts and top who frequent our road on a Sunday morning and provide me with great sport. Then I hear the loo flush upstairs and The Owner comes grumbling down the stairs to put the kettle on. Everything was perfectly normal. He sat there reading his paper shouting at no one in particular with some angry or witty repost depending upon the type of story he was reading. Normality would then have involved a second mug of tea, a rant at The Andrew Marr show and then we would have gone for our walk around the farm and a further attempt on my part top educate The Owner on the subtleties of badger poo rolling. But this morning, first mug of tea finished, he put his boots on. I thought we may be in for an early walk and then go out somewhere, that's what normally happens when he puts his boots on before his second mug of tea on a Sunday. But without so much as a bye or leave and without putting his trusty tatty Barbour on, he shuffles off through the misty morning field without me! Its now been raining for over an hour and I still haven't seen him come back. His behaviour has worried me more than a little of late and this even more so!

My confrontation with Blue Van Man & Tall Trailer Hosepipe Hoomun

Well I think I made some significant progress today. There I was shuffling back up to the office after lunch, actually it was The Owner who was doing the shuffling, I was flitting energetically from sniff to sniff. Back at the office The Owner was brewing for another shouting match with the computer screen and the water cooler which he seems to think may have sprung a leak, so I guess there then follows at some point a shouting match with Lady Water Cooler Office Girl, but that may yet happen another day. In order to get away from the noise I took myself off for a quick patrol and particularly to keep an eye on the pond. Well you could have knocked me down with an empty Bonio box! Behind me, yes behind me was the blue van, with a man hole cover up and a hose pipe in it and two men doing things! Well this needed further investigation so I went closer but they saw me. I think they were trying to divert my attention when Tall Hosepipe Trailer Hoomun gave me a Bonio. Well of course I had to accept but I kept a very watchful eye on them. It appeared to me they were putting water in the manhole but it didn't get very full and I checked the pond later and it did appear to be empty again. This detective lark is quite complicated, I think I may have to go back to looking for dead badgers and deer. I can feel a headache coming on. Speaking of which I need to go and check on The Owner.