The Snow Fall

Look, please, I've done my patrol, I refrained from weeing up the neighbours kids snowman (as instructed). I am cold, I have wiped my paws on the mat, now can I please come in? I know you've lit the woodburner and there's a little square of carpet in front of it with my name on!

Returning to Work

I am very concerned! I am beginning to suspect that there may be some kind of plot by sinister forces going on. It started with the water in the pond going missing (Still dry, even though they put a new box of electric by it!) and now I am beginning to suspect something may have happened to The Owner!

You may recall before The Owner went away that I was predicting a row with Water Cooler Office Lady because the water cooler had sprung a leak. Today was the first day that Owners Daughter has allowed him to go back to work. It was really nice to wander down to the office this morning, a patrol I have missed for some months now. There was a lot of sniffs I have missed for far too long and many posts that required weeing up and tufts of grass and other stuff like that on our patrol. We got here and it was like opening some vault, lots of cobwebs and a general silence that suggested that nothing had been there for quite a while. There was also an empty water cooler, a smell of damp carpets (for which I will not be held responsible on this occasion) and a big puddle in the corner (also nothing to do with me). He dials the number for Water Cooler Office Lady and the conversation is along these lines...... Hi Karen (Dunno what he calls her that for, I know her name is Water Cooler Office Lady!) How are you?........ That's so good to hear..............Yes, we have a problem with the water cooler.......... No next week will be fine...............I'll leave it in your capable hands.......No, thank you!....................Click!

Well you could have knocked me down with an empty Bonio box! He would never have turned down a good opportunity like this for a row and I suspect Water Cooler Office Lady thought so too as she rang straight back to check it really was actually him that had called. He has been like this since he came back from hospital. He looks like The Owner, he has The Owner's voice, now we have got rid of the smell of hospitals he even smells like The Owner (a mixture of cheap cologne and stale Barbour jackets), but, but, but..... I think he has been swapped for a space alien!!!!

The Demented Badger

Well last weekend, after several day visits from The Owner, he came home for good. Not only was Owners Daughter here, as she has been for the last few weeks, turning stuff off or down all over the place, but Diesel Dog Daughter turned up with Diesel Dog and Very Strange Woman. Very Strange Woman is not to be confused with Strange Woman who comes up with Small Boy. I know what you are thinking, "His life can get complicated can't it?". Well you're not wrong there! Any way, I took Diesel Dog out in the garden to show him the best bits to roll in and stuff like that. All he would do was run up and down the woodland path like a demented badger! Then The Owner came out to see what was going on and sat on the seat to watch. Diesel Dog came over to see what he was going doing and I'm afraid I had to show him that The Owner was my owner and not his. I have learned not to wee up his leg to claim territory so did the next best thing and sat on the seat with him.

The Demented Badger

Well last weekend, after several day visits from The Owner, he came home for good. Not only was Owners Daughter here, as she has been for the last few weeks, turning stuff off or down all over the place, but Diesel Dog Daughter turned up with Diesel Dog and Very Strange Woman. Very Strange Woman is not to be confused with Strange Woman who comes up with Small Boy. I know what you are thinking, "His life can get complicated can't it?". Well you're not wrong there! Any way, I took Diesel Dog out in the garden to show him the best bits to roll in and stuff like that. All he would do was run up and down the woodland path like a demented badger! Then The Owner came out to see what was going on and sat on the seat to watch. Diesel Dog came over to see what he was going doing and I'm afraid I had to show him that The Owner was my owner and not his. I have learned not to wee up his leg to claim territory so did the next best thing and sat on the seat with him.

Clearing the Decks

Allow me to refresh your memory at the slightly bizarre scene when last I wrote. The Owner, having been found living under the arches near the weir in Bath (thank you for the tip off from the Bath Grimebusters) was taken into the hospital with the shiny floors. Owners Daughter and Owners Dad arrived one weekend with The Owner!

Now this is where it gets weird! I got all excited (well who wouldn't?) and jumped up at him and left two muddy paw prints in the middle of his clean white shirt and pushed him backwards and left him sitting in the muddy puddle. Now ordinarily this would have induced a session of grumbling somewhat akin to that experienced by the citizens of Pompeii just before Vesuvius buried them all! All that happened was that he smiled at me, rubbed the top of my head and got up and wandered in doors dripping water from the seat of his pants! There was a lot of very loud frowns coming from Owners Daughter at my little indiscretion but a kind of benign approval, even amusement, from The Owner.

I found it very unsettling! His general demeanour didn't change much all day, unlike his shirt, trousers and underwear which had to be changed straight away because of the muddy puddle and paw prints. He also smelled strangely of hospitals unlike the more normal slightly musty aroma of his crusty old Barbour jacket. At another moment of excitement I picked up one of my little treasures from my bed to give him, which just happened to be the remains of his straw hat that he always wears to the village church fete that I stole in a moment of madness earlier in the year. Owners Daughter grabbed it quick from me and looked stern saying "He doesn't need to see that, not today!". So I did capitalise on the moment and produced several other little misdemeanour's that I had been hiding, waiting for a suitable moment to dispose of and all were grabbed quick by Owners Daughter with the same phrase "He doesn't need to see that, not today!". All were put in the bin for me, which was a very satisfactory outcome and I managed to clear the decks completely!

I have never seen The Owner so laid back nor have I ever seen him allow Owners Daughter to fuss around him and mother him quite so much without it eliciting the normal resentful grumbling. It was nice to see The Owner again for that day and again on the following day, but I would rather he just got on with being grumpy again, I know where I am with him then. More to follow but have to let Owners Daughter have the pleasure of turning the computer off again to save the planet.

Update

There's been so much going on of late so I haven't had the time to write and let you know what's been happening. I left you in the lurch a little when The Owner was let out, sorry that's what The Owner called it, sent home for a day visit. But to be honest, apart from being busy, Owners Daughter tends to turn the computer right off and with paws and claws I can't quite get to grips with turning it back on again.

Update

There's been so much going on of late so I haven't had the time to write and let you know what's been happening. I left you in the lurch a little when The Owner was let out, sorry that's what The Owner called it, sent home for a day visit. But to be honest, apart from being busy, Owners Daughter tends to turn the computer right off and with paws and claws I can't quite get to grips with turning it back on again.