Sainsbugs Explained

Last night was one of those occasions where I was very glad that no-one was around that had seen me and Barney K9 with The Owner and there was no placard above our heads saying "We are with him!". Having left the studio a little later than normal we jump in the back of the car and The Owner gets in the front. This usually heralds a quick trip to Sainsbugs for food and wine before heading home again. However we park some way away from the shops and near the little river which meanders gently through town. "Come on you two we are going for a little walk along the river on our way to the shops!", said The Owner as he opened the back door of the car and I sat down waiting to be told I can get out. Barney K9, on the other hand hasn't quite mastered that bit yet when there is something more interesting outside that he rather fancies exploring. Like, rivers for instance. He shot past me like a streak of black lightning. I know lightning is not black, but if it were, that is what I imagine it would look like. The splash that followed told me two very different stories. Firstly that Barney K9 was in trouble and somehow I would be implicated simply because I have four legs too and the water was a heck of a lot deeper than Barney K9 had imagined. We were both put on leads and had to walk to heel all the way to Sainsbugs. In Barney's case a little further away from The Owner than would otherwise be the case when walking to heel, until the trail of water running from him had lessened to a manageable trickle. We soon arrived at Sainsbugs and we were left "on trust" near the door. Which I don't mind unless it is raining and I get wet. From our vantage point by the door we can see the tills and the nearest ones are those that The Owner likes because he can work those himself and have an argument with them that he generally feels he can win with one of his witty ripostes that he says whilst looking around for approval from another hoomun.

It wasn't long before he was at the tills with a small basket of goodies including wine and Bonios. Bleep went the machine as he scanned the first item and put it in the bagging area. Bleep it went a second time as he bagged another item. Then it started. "An unexpected item in the bagging area!" said the machine. "I haven't put anything in there!" protested The Owner. But the machine was having none of it and the supervisor had to separate The Owner from the machine before they came to blows and off it went again. Bleep, said the machine as The Owner bagged his item. Bleep went the machine as The Owner bagged another item. "Unexpected item in the bagging area!" said the machine and so the supervisor was called again who impatiently made the machine behave itself again. She turned her back to walk away and without any input from The Owner in any way at all "Unexpected item in the bagging area!" it protested as The Owner loudly protested his innocence in the whole matter. A crowd was beginning to gather as Supervisor Hoomun made The Owner remove all of his stuff from his bags as she checked them off against his till. "I'll stay here with you and watch I think" she said, a little frostily to him. "Unexpected item in the bagging area!", the machine retorted. There! See? I didn't touch the (pause) thing!" I thought there were words that I pretend not to understand coming out then and I think they very nearly did! Supervisor Hoomun frowned at the machine very loudly so it started to behave itself a bit better. The Owner picked up his bottle of shampoo to scan that and immediately complained very loudly, "It's bloody leaking!" he complained to the gathering crowd who all nodded in agreement and one even applauded. "Don't worry, we'll get you another." said Supervisor Hoomun very patiently to The Owner as she sent Pimply Youth Hoomun to retrieve a non leaking shampoo bottle. The crowd was now three deep all around the till! Next came the bag of sugar which seemed to have acquired a hole in it bigger than Barney K9's paw print in a muddy puddle and was intent on depositing its contents all across the scanner. Supervisor Hoomun told The Owner to go and get another bag whilst her "team" cleaned up the mess. It was said in that same manner as Owners Daughter does when she wants him out of the way whilst she sorts out one of his little problems. By the time The Owner returned Supervisor Hoomuns team had dismantled the scanner and cleaned most of the sugar from all its little nooks and crannies and I got the feeling she was a little less than welcoming of The Owners "help" in the rebuilding of the scanner department. You may recall we had parked the car by the river which seemed to involve a walk back to the car along by the river. Even Barney K9 seemed to sense that this was not a good time to be launching himself back into the river again. About half way back the orange Sainsbug bag split and deposited the wine from a now broken bottle, the sherry from a bottle in a similar state or disarray, a bag of sugar (now split) and a bottle of shampoo also split all across the footpath with The Owner sat beside it all with his head in his hands looking less than at one with the world from what I could see of it. We went straight home from there and I thought it best to give him a wide berth for the rest of the evening, as I kinda felt it more than my life was worth to trouble him further.