The Damage Caused by Hounds

Yesterday the hunt came around the farm, hounds and horses everywhere! The Owner kept me in the office with him, out of the way, which I was more than a little relieved about. But going home last night, what destruction! All my weeing posts and tufts of grass etc. all wee'd up by hounds!

Well I didn't have enough on board (as it were) to put right all the damage. I did try but it was just a token effort. So at about four this morning I started taking on water and emptied the big dish The Owner puts down for me. When he got up, I resisted the temptation to go up the garden for the customary mini patrol and wee and instead took on more water. By about half past eight (our normal time of going to work) the pressure was getting quite intense but I took on more water to be sure and went and sat by the front door waiting. What was going on? He made himself a second cup of tea and sat down again! Why does he have to choose today to go in late? We eventually went in at half past nine and to be honest, walking was a little uncomfortable by then. But I persevered and just about managed to get all the damage put right, my territory is once again protected.

There's Water in the Pond!!!!!!!

You will remember, I am sure, how the water in the pond disappeared suddenly whilst we were on holiday last summer. There have been several who have been under my suspicion since and we have had several false starts when I thought there may have been water coming back, but all to no avail. The pond has stayed resolutely free of water! I have even suspected space aliens of being behind it!

Now strange things happen around here all of a sudden, a week or so ago we went to work in the morning slipping and sliding through the snow and ice, and when we came out that night it had all gone! Every last bit of cold stuff had been taken away whilst we were in the office for the day. But who could have undertaken such a herculean feat?

The pond, I'm sorry I digress, I have been using it as a bit of a race track recently. Wee up telegraph post, then run down through the dry pond and up the other side and wee up Dairy Lady Hoomun's car before The Owner has seen what I am up to and I do the same thing in reverse going home at night. Last night it was dry as normal when I ran through it. This morning The Owner got up at a silly time and I was worried that he may have been planning to wander off across the fields again and not be seen again for several weeks so I took his boots and hid them behind the ironing board. He never uses that anyway so I thought they would remain undiscovered behind there. He didn't wander across the fields so I needn't have worried but when he came to look for his boots I had to find a way of sneaking them back in. If he had looked behind the ironing board he may have found some of the other little treasures I have hidden there since Owners Daughter went home again and that would probably have started my day badly. His boots on and smelly Barbour Jacket round his shoulders we started off down the road for the office. Now I was so pleased he hadn't wandered off and we were going for our normal patrol before the office I wasn't really looking where I was going. Post wee'd up and on at break neck speed through the pond for Dairy Lady Hoomun's car...... (splutter!) Who the hell filled the pond over night?!?!?! It was full to the brim! Unfortunately, I was in the middle of it! The paint is wearing off the exclamation mark key on the keyboard the amount of times I am using it on this report!

The Owner chuckled and I dripped all the rest of the way to the office. I have been curled up under the desk on my blanket, which is also soggy now, and The Owner has been complaining in a very exaggerated fashion about the smell of pond weed in the office. I think he smells like a camel. Walks like one too. I think I'll be in the calf sheds if anyone wants me until I have dried off a bit. Now where could that water have come from so suddenly????

Thoughts on Christmas

This hoomun Christmas thing has left me a little confused. Christmas eve we went home from the office taking particular care to keep The Owner out of the ditch after sharing just one too many glasses of port with Dairy Man and when we got back home he dived into the post box on the wall. One of these days he is really going to fall in that thing!

But...... he produced a big parcel from its depths...........for me!!!!!!! I think I am going to enjoy Christmas I thought. This was from a place called Oztralya! Now, I have never heard of this place so I guess it must be the other side of Swindon. But I had MY OWN Christmas card and little pressie and he didn't even grumble when more of that sparkly stuff fell out on the carpet!!! Anyway, Christmas Day saw us going to work until Dairy Man came out with another glass of port. The Owner disappeared and left me in the office with my Christmas pressie from Oztralya and a bit of festive tinsel. I wasn't quite sure what the significance of the tinsel was so I ate it. It was quite a strange experience to see it lying on the ground behind me when it came out again and I think The Owner may have worked out where it went! On Boxing day he was a bit poorly and the day after he was very poorly! He kept saying it was something to do with the flu. Now I'm clearly not understanding something here, coz I kept looking up the chimney and the flu from the woodburner seemed to be working perfectly! He was making lots of strange hissing noises as he breathed as well. He has clearly got fed up with that game now so things are back to normal again. Still no grumbling though!

Niecin Bournmuff

Further evidence of The Owner's reformed personality emerged last night. We shuffled home, that is to say, I bounded athletically whilst The Owner slid precariously from frozen puddle to frozen puddle.

When we got there he dived in to the post box by the door and retrieved several brightly coloured letters and a couple of startled spiders and a big brown envelope. Normally brown envelopes are left unopened for a couple of days and then opened, resulting, usually, in head being held in hands whilst shouting "How Much!" Today however it was opened immediately, producing several smaller brightly coloured envelopes. I have seen this kind of trick done before and then the smaller envelopes are opened and several more coloured envelopes are produced and then everyone claps wildly. However they were addressed to various people including one to The Owner and me. That was three cards I have had now! He told me they were sent from Niecein Bournmuff. I'm not sure if I have met Niecin Bournmuff yet but she sounds like she is from a very long way away, perhaps near Swindon somewhere. When he opened the envelope there was loads of little silver bits went all over the carpet! Normally, the fact that my name was on the envelope would have been enough to have made it my fault somehow so I quickly turned for the boot room as a precaution however he laughed! I am kinds getting used to this un-grumpy The Owner now, but I have to confess I don't understand it.

Snowballs at Jack

Come on Jack, they said. Come and have a picture taken beside the snow man, they said. Before it melts, they said. They all stood around smiling (I thought) with their hands behind their backs. So never being one to turn down a good opportunity of having ones picture taken, I obliged. That was when I realised that the benign smiles were actually evil, menacing grins, as they all produced snowballs from behind there backs! If anyone wants me I'll be indoors by the woodburner and if that gets too crowded I'll be over at the manor in their boot room by the boiler!

Diesel Dog and the Sherry

Well his good mood is still surviving, despite the kind of provocation certain to have induced a serious grumbling session formerly. Small Boy arrived and immediately set to work with the old "Snowball down The Owners Neck Routine".... not a grumble! In fact he seemed to enjoy it and retaliated with much laughter and merriment.

I am not really grasping this whole snow thing here; you go outside and throw loads of frozen white stuff everywhere, roll in it (and I remember what I left underneath that snow) get wet trousers, jackets and gloves, freezing hands and feet; then tell everyone what fun you've had! It is clearly a hoomun thing! Just leave me with a square of carpet and a stoked up woodburner and let me know when you come back indoors!

Diesel Dog Daughter came up again with Diesel Dog and Very Strange Woman. Snow and a big garden and Diesel Dog had to do more demented badger running up and down the path across the back of the garden. Now this is something else I am just not getting! What is it about that path that he has to run up and down it like that? I must have a go myself, but not until the white stuff has gone! I don't mind sharing my square of carpet in front of the fire but I don't share my cushion and you may remember I had to have an opinion about that when last they visited. It clearly worked as Diesel Dog didn't try and evict me from it unceremoniously like last time. However I thought The Owner was going to start grumbling again when he was having his daily glass of sherry when coming in from the cold. He sat down on the floor and put his glass beside him. Diesel Dog was patrolling the living room carpet and as he passed, dunked his tongue in the unguarded glass. The Owner just laughed! Although it was funny, the faces Diesel Dog pulled at the taste of The Owner's cheap sherry. I have seen the faces The Owner pulls at it sometimes and he is used to the taste! I don't think Diesel Dog will be trying any of The Owners unguarded glasses left within reach for a while.

I Don't Do Cold Paws!

A dog has to prepare for this cold you know. I mean.... cold paws? Unthinkable!