The Floaters

The nerve of some people! On patrol this morning to work and just wandering past the pond looking for a suitable post to unload the bladder on. (I can't manage for quite as long as I used to since the overload required to cover up the destruction of my territory caused by the hounds last week.) When you could have knocked me down with an empty Bonio box! Just because a piece of wood will float there is no need to prove it by throwing it in MY pond! The Owner has been in once this year which he will probably reason is enough for him and so it will fall to me to drag it out I suppose. Such responsibility I bear!

No Oil = Cold House

This is the second night running! Fire lit, candles lit, the rest of that bottle and a book. The good thing is I get the carpet in front of the fire again, which is just as well as the heating oil did run out as HE forgot to order it and the rest of the house is cold.

No Oil = Cold House

This is the second night running! Fire lit, candles lit, the rest of that bottle and a book. The good thing is I get the carpet in front of the fire again, which is just as well as the heating oil did run out as HE forgot to order it and the rest of the house is cold.

The Owner Visits The Pond

Let me just say from the start, I am in the boot room, door closed. I can throw no light whatsoever on The Owner's behaviour last night, he sat there all evening crunching on a burnt pizza (of which he gave me none), slurping at his wine glass periodically, burping, then spouting Shakespearean sonnets to no-one in particular.

It wasn't the usual over indulgence of wine, as when I did a quick patrol of the living room carpet this morning for crumbs, I happened to notice that the bottle was still half full. This morning on patrol he stopped near the pond and after a while stepped up to the edge, threw his had back and looked at the sky as if about to compose the sonnet that Shakespeare forgot to write. To be fair I was looking for an opportunity to accidentally nudge him off balance but nature has a wonderful way of intervening at these moments to create that for which you yearn. He hadn't taken his blood pressure pills this morning before we left and throwing his head back like that caused him to have a dizzy moment and lose his balance and fall straight in the pond. When he surfaced, looking a little silly with that weed on his shoulders, I was the first thing he saw and so by association it must have been my fault!

I am now in the boot room, there is a trail of water spreading across the kitchen floor emanating from a heap of sodden clothes and two boots and The Owner is upstairs lounging in a hot bath. I think there could be more grumbling when he gets out as I can hear the heating pumping but the radiator is cold; I fear he may have forgotten to order any oil again. This could be a very long day!

A night by the fire

Don't know what has got into The Owner tonight. Candles lit, fire stoked up, and he sits there, on his own with a glass of wine in his hand and a silly grin on his face. I'm not bothered personally, I've got the carpet by the fire! Happy days!

The Damage Caused by Hounds

Yesterday the hunt came around the farm, hounds and horses everywhere! The Owner kept me in the office with him, out of the way, which I was more than a little relieved about. But going home last night, what destruction! All my weeing posts and tufts of grass etc. all wee'd up by hounds!

Well I didn't have enough on board (as it were) to put right all the damage. I did try but it was just a token effort. So at about four this morning I started taking on water and emptied the big dish The Owner puts down for me. When he got up, I resisted the temptation to go up the garden for the customary mini patrol and wee and instead took on more water. By about half past eight (our normal time of going to work) the pressure was getting quite intense but I took on more water to be sure and went and sat by the front door waiting. What was going on? He made himself a second cup of tea and sat down again! Why does he have to choose today to go in late? We eventually went in at half past nine and to be honest, walking was a little uncomfortable by then. But I persevered and just about managed to get all the damage put right, my territory is once again protected.

There's Water in the Pond!!!!!!!

You will remember, I am sure, how the water in the pond disappeared suddenly whilst we were on holiday last summer. There have been several who have been under my suspicion since and we have had several false starts when I thought there may have been water coming back, but all to no avail. The pond has stayed resolutely free of water! I have even suspected space aliens of being behind it!

Now strange things happen around here all of a sudden, a week or so ago we went to work in the morning slipping and sliding through the snow and ice, and when we came out that night it had all gone! Every last bit of cold stuff had been taken away whilst we were in the office for the day. But who could have undertaken such a herculean feat?

The pond, I'm sorry I digress, I have been using it as a bit of a race track recently. Wee up telegraph post, then run down through the dry pond and up the other side and wee up Dairy Lady Hoomun's car before The Owner has seen what I am up to and I do the same thing in reverse going home at night. Last night it was dry as normal when I ran through it. This morning The Owner got up at a silly time and I was worried that he may have been planning to wander off across the fields again and not be seen again for several weeks so I took his boots and hid them behind the ironing board. He never uses that anyway so I thought they would remain undiscovered behind there. He didn't wander across the fields so I needn't have worried but when he came to look for his boots I had to find a way of sneaking them back in. If he had looked behind the ironing board he may have found some of the other little treasures I have hidden there since Owners Daughter went home again and that would probably have started my day badly. His boots on and smelly Barbour Jacket round his shoulders we started off down the road for the office. Now I was so pleased he hadn't wandered off and we were going for our normal patrol before the office I wasn't really looking where I was going. Post wee'd up and on at break neck speed through the pond for Dairy Lady Hoomun's car...... (splutter!) Who the hell filled the pond over night?!?!?! It was full to the brim! Unfortunately, I was in the middle of it! The paint is wearing off the exclamation mark key on the keyboard the amount of times I am using it on this report!

The Owner chuckled and I dripped all the rest of the way to the office. I have been curled up under the desk on my blanket, which is also soggy now, and The Owner has been complaining in a very exaggerated fashion about the smell of pond weed in the office. I think he smells like a camel. Walks like one too. I think I'll be in the calf sheds if anyone wants me until I have dried off a bit. Now where could that water have come from so suddenly????