The Owner Visits The Pond

Let me just say from the start, I am in the boot room, door closed. I can throw no light whatsoever on The Owner's behaviour last night, he sat there all evening crunching on a burnt pizza (of which he gave me none), slurping at his wine glass periodically, burping, then spouting Shakespearean sonnets to no-one in particular.

It wasn't the usual over indulgence of wine, as when I did a quick patrol of the living room carpet this morning for crumbs, I happened to notice that the bottle was still half full. This morning on patrol he stopped near the pond and after a while stepped up to the edge, threw his had back and looked at the sky as if about to compose the sonnet that Shakespeare forgot to write. To be fair I was looking for an opportunity to accidentally nudge him off balance but nature has a wonderful way of intervening at these moments to create that for which you yearn. He hadn't taken his blood pressure pills this morning before we left and throwing his head back like that caused him to have a dizzy moment and lose his balance and fall straight in the pond. When he surfaced, looking a little silly with that weed on his shoulders, I was the first thing he saw and so by association it must have been my fault!

I am now in the boot room, there is a trail of water spreading across the kitchen floor emanating from a heap of sodden clothes and two boots and The Owner is upstairs lounging in a hot bath. I think there could be more grumbling when he gets out as I can hear the heating pumping but the radiator is cold; I fear he may have forgotten to order any oil again. This could be a very long day!