Sometimes you just notice things which you realise you should have known all along and yesterday was one of those days. I realised that cats don't float! I also realised that although when I, a K9, get wet through, it reveals my muscular figure as my wet coat clings to my rippling shoulders and thighs, a cat just looks kinda ridiculous.
Yesterday The Owner took me to see Owners Dad which happens altogether too infrequently. I say this not out of any necessary affection but because whenever I have gone there, Owners Dads Cat has offered me rich pickings from the remnants of barbecues or biscuits when he has overreacted to my appearance. So on this occasion, a barbecue not being one of the things on offer, I opted to lay in the conservatory nearest to a plate full of digestives which The Owner was devouring with great delight and frankly, to the exclusion of Owners Dad, despite his protests on the matter. Owners Dads Cat, who I shall refer to here as just Cat, left our little ensemble and went up the garden and laid in the sun under a funny little red tree beside the pond. In one of the neighbouring gardens Blackbird (and I don't think it is the same one as we have in the cottage garden as he spoke with a different accent) was venting forth on the presence of both a cat and a dog. "Dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, cat, cat, cat,cat,cat,catcatcatcat!" he shouted at the world as he took off from his perch on some apparent suicide mission over the top of the fence and swooped low over the pond and straight past Cat. Cat decided it would be good to vary his diet from the usual frogs and slow worms together with "on demand" dried food and include a little blackbird. So he lept forth from under the tree with claws drawn and missed Blackbird completely and it was at this point that Cat realised the flaw in his plan. He was three feet in the air, over the pond, and with no visible or practical means of support. I also have now realised that cats generally can make some very strange noises! Unlike myself when I get unexpectedly wet, I leap energetically from the pond to try and give the impression that I meant to do it, Cat just looks like The Owner trying to get out of the bath after using too much bath oil. I am sorry to admit that I am beginning to understand the pleasure in laughing at other animals misfortune and can see why The Owner seems to enjoy it so much.
Monday, 23 May 2011
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
Nothing Wrong with a Bit of Dead Deer.
He, The Owner, isn't talking to me today. He reckons I'm disgusting! After breakfast this morning I went off for a quick patrol through the manor gardens and down to where Adge the Badge lives. I have to report that the tennis courts have been replaced with a big shed which The Owner told me was a summer house. That was when he was still talking to me of course.
You'd have thought with the manor being that big they wouldn't have needed another houser just for the summer! So out across the paddock I went through the wet grass when I stumbled across it. A deer which hoomuns would have said was a bit past its sell by date! True, it did pong a little bit, but that is the sign of a good bit of dead deer. So, eager to supplement my breakfast of dried dog food I opted to try this little delicacy. Just a little chomp I thought would help keep the hunger at bay until tea time. Feeling generally pleased with myself I headed for home and found The Owner stretched out on the sofa with a mug of tea in one hand and two slices of buttered toast in a plate in the other. So I sat down on the floor beside him and rested my head on his lap, when it happened. It was just a little burp, hardly worth mentioning I thought at the time. Over reacting or what!!!!! The Owner jumps up and knocks his tea and toast over and went rushing out holding his belly and hand over his mouth just like he does when he has been too long at the pub! And somehow that is my fault!?!?! Even if he were talking to me at all today I don't think I would be talking to him. So there!
You'd have thought with the manor being that big they wouldn't have needed another houser just for the summer! So out across the paddock I went through the wet grass when I stumbled across it. A deer which hoomuns would have said was a bit past its sell by date! True, it did pong a little bit, but that is the sign of a good bit of dead deer. So, eager to supplement my breakfast of dried dog food I opted to try this little delicacy. Just a little chomp I thought would help keep the hunger at bay until tea time. Feeling generally pleased with myself I headed for home and found The Owner stretched out on the sofa with a mug of tea in one hand and two slices of buttered toast in a plate in the other. So I sat down on the floor beside him and rested my head on his lap, when it happened. It was just a little burp, hardly worth mentioning I thought at the time. Over reacting or what!!!!! The Owner jumps up and knocks his tea and toast over and went rushing out holding his belly and hand over his mouth just like he does when he has been too long at the pub! And somehow that is my fault!?!?! Even if he were talking to me at all today I don't think I would be talking to him. So there!
The Return of the Ribbon
I was in a certain amount of trouble at the weekend. Now I don't understand how a bit of old ribbon that I ate, which The Owner had tied around my birthday Bonio, went in as a big knot and came out in one very long length! The Owner found it most amusing as I struggled for ages with the problem.
Very insensitive of him I felt, particularly when he went and got his picnic chair to sit in the garden and watch. Quit with the wise cracks and lend a hand here, was what was really going through my mind. Whilst he sat there drinking his cup of tea and asking me if I would like him to go and get the Sunday paper for me to read I valiantly struggled to expel the whole length of ribbon. It was a small amount of satisfaction for me later when it got tangled up with the rotary mower and he had to untangle it from the blade underneath. I am guessing I won't be getting any more ribbon tied around my presents in the future.
Very insensitive of him I felt, particularly when he went and got his picnic chair to sit in the garden and watch. Quit with the wise cracks and lend a hand here, was what was really going through my mind. Whilst he sat there drinking his cup of tea and asking me if I would like him to go and get the Sunday paper for me to read I valiantly struggled to expel the whole length of ribbon. It was a small amount of satisfaction for me later when it got tangled up with the rotary mower and he had to untangle it from the blade underneath. I am guessing I won't be getting any more ribbon tied around my presents in the future.
My Birthday!
So many birthday wishes (for a dog) this morning! I'm quite overcome! The Owner was up early this morning and I thought that it maybe the start to another bad day, as do so many when he gets up early like that.
If only he'd turn the light on, he wouldn't stub his toe on things laying around the dining room or kitchen. Things which always seem to have something to do with me as it happens. When he opened the boot room door to let me out, it was with an unusually cheery "good Morning Birthday Boy!" As you could understand, it threw me little. Not the birthday boy bit, but the cheeriness! After breakfast he gave me a Bonio with a big ribbon tied around it which I devoured with great enthusiasm. Never did understand the idea of leaving a bit for later, I may get another one later if I look hungry or forlorn. I am beginning to feel at the moment that I perhaps ought to have not eaten the ribbon though. It was rather long and I am becoming a little concerned about how it may make its reappearance at the other end. If it's still in one long piece I may be there for some time! We're at the office, sorry, studio, already this morning and I have marked my birthday well, by having an opinion about the appearance of Electrician Yoof at the studio door. Although judging by the look on his face and the strange odour about his person afterwards I think my birthday may not be the only thing to have been marked this morning.
If only he'd turn the light on, he wouldn't stub his toe on things laying around the dining room or kitchen. Things which always seem to have something to do with me as it happens. When he opened the boot room door to let me out, it was with an unusually cheery "good Morning Birthday Boy!" As you could understand, it threw me little. Not the birthday boy bit, but the cheeriness! After breakfast he gave me a Bonio with a big ribbon tied around it which I devoured with great enthusiasm. Never did understand the idea of leaving a bit for later, I may get another one later if I look hungry or forlorn. I am beginning to feel at the moment that I perhaps ought to have not eaten the ribbon though. It was rather long and I am becoming a little concerned about how it may make its reappearance at the other end. If it's still in one long piece I may be there for some time! We're at the office, sorry, studio, already this morning and I have marked my birthday well, by having an opinion about the appearance of Electrician Yoof at the studio door. Although judging by the look on his face and the strange odour about his person afterwards I think my birthday may not be the only thing to have been marked this morning.
Noisy Car Racing in Swindon?
I am finding all this noisy car racing soooooo confusing. The Owner tells no-one in particular that this was the best one ever today, not sure why coz they still only got back to the same place AGAIN! Maybe its a bit like getting stuck on the one way system in Swindon?
The Owner did that once in Swindon and we went past the same place four times to my certain knowledge! Until the shouting from the front seat got so bad I opted to go and sit in the boot out of the way in case some of that angst was about to come my way. Maybe I just don't recognise it and they are really in Swindon? I must check again next time and see if I can recognise anything. Anyway, the source of most of my confusion was a chance comment The Owner was shouting loudly during the race. When two of the noisy cars were trying to push each other off the road (actually the more I think about it the more this does sound like the Swindon one way system, I must watch more closely next time), The Owner began shouting very loudly "Come on Lewis! Come on my son!" ?????????????????? I thought Small Boy was his son! I think I may retire to the calf sheds for a quick snooze in the sun whilst I contemplate this a little.
The Owner did that once in Swindon and we went past the same place four times to my certain knowledge! Until the shouting from the front seat got so bad I opted to go and sit in the boot out of the way in case some of that angst was about to come my way. Maybe I just don't recognise it and they are really in Swindon? I must check again next time and see if I can recognise anything. Anyway, the source of most of my confusion was a chance comment The Owner was shouting loudly during the race. When two of the noisy cars were trying to push each other off the road (actually the more I think about it the more this does sound like the Swindon one way system, I must watch more closely next time), The Owner began shouting very loudly "Come on Lewis! Come on my son!" ?????????????????? I thought Small Boy was his son! I think I may retire to the calf sheds for a quick snooze in the sun whilst I contemplate this a little.
Defrosting a Chicken
This morning The Owner's household is not a happy one! It first started yesterday afternoon when we came back from the office. Sorry, studio. He shuffles off to the big freezer in the shed (and from the noises that one makes believe me I am glad that he doesn't try and bring it in and find space in my boot room for it) and liberated two frozen chickens.
Must mean we have guests coming today I thought. To make use of the remaining heat from the afternoon and evening sun he put the two frozen birds on plates and left them on the patio table just outside the boot room door. So far this is looking ok, but then a quick phone call diverted his attentions and he grabbed his fleece and ran out of the door leaving me behind! I guess an evening of solitary uninterrupted snoozing was going to have been my lot, but I could live with it. After a short while he returned and judging from the scents about his person I deduce he has been over to see Phlee Dog Owner. I started my very best 'pleased to see you back' bounce and was building to a momentous crescendo, one of which I was quite justifiably proud, when he grabbed something off the table and ran out again and got back into Phlea Dog Owner's car. Without me, seeing as you ask! Well, long after dark he crashed through the front door giggling, so it has involved some quantity of red wine again then, and seemed genuinely disappointed that I didn't bounce about the place like a demented badger pleased to see him. There then followed much frying of bacon and stuff like that which splattered all up the walls and over the stove and floor and I think he is going to be in severe trouble when Cleaner Lady comes in tomorrow. This morning he remembered the chickens and rushed outside to discover two empty plates and a number of bits of plastic wrapping and a few bones, which seemed to cause a little anguish and turmoil in his mind. I guess it'll be KFC for ten again tonight then! Do you know he has got it down to twenty minutes for that little run now? So it was at this point that my breakfast decided to make a return visit together with what he seemed suspicious of being some bits of chicken. I can't imagine for the life of me how that got in there. Honest! The Owner grumbled considerably and disappeared under the stairs, returning with dustpans and towels and other such clearing up stuff. I thought, no need to waste good food or dirty the dustpan, just leave that to me! Have it cleared up in a jiffy! The Owner was having none of it though and set about clearing it up, I suspect he just wants it for himself! I think I'll take myself off up to the woods and find a nice sunny spot out of the wind and wait until he has finished with all that foaming carpet shampoo stuff and has had a chance to forget about his suspicion of my involvement in the demise of his two chickens.
Must mean we have guests coming today I thought. To make use of the remaining heat from the afternoon and evening sun he put the two frozen birds on plates and left them on the patio table just outside the boot room door. So far this is looking ok, but then a quick phone call diverted his attentions and he grabbed his fleece and ran out of the door leaving me behind! I guess an evening of solitary uninterrupted snoozing was going to have been my lot, but I could live with it. After a short while he returned and judging from the scents about his person I deduce he has been over to see Phlee Dog Owner. I started my very best 'pleased to see you back' bounce and was building to a momentous crescendo, one of which I was quite justifiably proud, when he grabbed something off the table and ran out again and got back into Phlea Dog Owner's car. Without me, seeing as you ask! Well, long after dark he crashed through the front door giggling, so it has involved some quantity of red wine again then, and seemed genuinely disappointed that I didn't bounce about the place like a demented badger pleased to see him. There then followed much frying of bacon and stuff like that which splattered all up the walls and over the stove and floor and I think he is going to be in severe trouble when Cleaner Lady comes in tomorrow. This morning he remembered the chickens and rushed outside to discover two empty plates and a number of bits of plastic wrapping and a few bones, which seemed to cause a little anguish and turmoil in his mind. I guess it'll be KFC for ten again tonight then! Do you know he has got it down to twenty minutes for that little run now? So it was at this point that my breakfast decided to make a return visit together with what he seemed suspicious of being some bits of chicken. I can't imagine for the life of me how that got in there. Honest! The Owner grumbled considerably and disappeared under the stairs, returning with dustpans and towels and other such clearing up stuff. I thought, no need to waste good food or dirty the dustpan, just leave that to me! Have it cleared up in a jiffy! The Owner was having none of it though and set about clearing it up, I suspect he just wants it for himself! I think I'll take myself off up to the woods and find a nice sunny spot out of the wind and wait until he has finished with all that foaming carpet shampoo stuff and has had a chance to forget about his suspicion of my involvement in the demise of his two chickens.
The Lesser of Two Evils
Well I made my dash for freedom and did indeed get chased by Small Boy with Lawn Mower which is quite a terrifying experience which I am not anxious to repeat. Even though The Owner was doing things like weeding and trimming to the lavender (Yuk & Phew!) bushes, I felt his protection was required. So I lay down at his feet among the bushes. It worked as Small Boy wandered off with his axe, looking particularly menacing, in the general direction of the woods at the top of the garden.
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