Last Will & Testament

Nothing more I can add.

The Squirrel's Nuts

I think The Owner may be having a strong word with Squirrel when he next emerges from his hibernation which, judging by the temperatures out there already this evening, ought not to be for some while. So maybe The Owner might have forgotten about today's little discovery by then. I have noticed during the late summer and autumn how Squirrel fervently hides little heaps of nuts all over the garden in case he wakes during the winter and fancies a quick chomp. Indeed last summer three chestnut trees appeared in the middle of the lawn as a result of just such an activity. They were doing well I thought and nearly high enough to have a wee up when Small Boy cut The Owner's lawns for him. Today, being another chilly morning in The Owner's world he went upstairs for an extra jumper before venturing outside. Grabbing last years favourite fleece to put on, a large quantity of hazel nuts, chestnuts and acorns tumbled across the floor, presumably deposited there by Squirrel during the summer and autumn. I am thinking that maybe The Owner might not be so keen to show off by leaving his bedroom window open in all weathers now.

Rushing Water

Today I will be keeping mostly out of the way! We had a bit of a thaw overnight and this morning, much of the snow has turned to slush or disappeared which made morning patrol an uncomfortable affair. But at least my water bowl seems to stay mainly liquid which is a bonus for me! So, morning patrol and all associated grumbling about the weather, the cold, the damp and the fact that they didn't have his normal Sunday paper this morning over and done with, he made himself a coffee and selected a particularly nice looking Bonio from my tin to give to me (I hope) and we went and sat down. Have I mentioned that I am particularly fond of the odd Bonio or two? Mid way through a heavenly Bonio chomp I heard an unusual noise, like rushing water, coming from the loft. Well it wasn't me as I have never been allowed up there, as dogs don't do step ladders. Well, this one doesn't anyway! Moments later, water wasn't the only thing to be rushing as The Owner ran outside and reappeared soon after carrying his step ladder. I thought "He is about to trap his fingers again and leak round his eyes." I was right! He did trap his fingers in the step ladder and run around with eyes leaking whilst holding his fingers! Sometimes I even surprise myself! Moments later after a quick trip into the loft The Owner reappeared, clearly having not found the source of the problem, (although I could clearly hear a lot of water rushing up there) he was running around the house, banging and shouting a lot. I couldn't help but wonder if all that water rushing out from under the boiler may perhaps have had anything to do with it, although I am no plumber. Clearly I was right as when he removed the covers the water sprayed the distance of at least twenty Bonio boxes laid end to end, after it had first soaked The Owner. I did once lay twenty Bonio boxes end to end and nobody seemed in the slightest bit surprised, but that has nothing to do with this story. The Owner rushed around with spanners and an air of authority, getting very wet until all the water from the tank, if it wasn't over the floor, was over The Owner! He is now sitting in a sodden heap in the middle of the lounge carpet with his cold mug of coffee and making MY square of carpet in front of the fire very wet indeed! I mean, where am I going to lay to toast myself???? Usually when such disasters befall The Owner it somehow transpires to be my fault and his mood looks very black indeed so I am not going to attract much attention to myself for a while.

Bonios

Need I say more?

The Dyson has Started its Demise I Hope

The Owner dragged my nemesis out from it's weekly hibernation and plugged it in. I don't hang around long enough to have any opinion on the way he uses it or anything further like that, I find somewhere to get out of the way of this demonic invention! Anywhere or anything will do for this purpose, I once tried to get behind the cooker out of the way. Now I know you are thinking to yourself that there isn't room behind the cooker, but you never know until you try do you? Today I was a little more brave than normal and was peering round the corner of the bench in the hallway and bravely watched his activity. It was then I witnessed the first nail in the Dyson's coffin as with a loud pop the Dyson, The Owner and everything in the dining room disappeared in a large cloud of fine white dust. Now I couldn't help but wonder if that was meant to happen? I was soon answered by the amount of rude words that The Owner was using! After much banging and dismantling The Owner triumphantly produced a filter that he clearly was unaware of being in it and pronounced to no one in particular that this was the root of the problem and put the ruddy Dyson back together again. He seemed to be of the opinion that he could finish terrorising me without the filter and was clearly pleased with his efforts as several little treats I had hidden about the dining room disappeared with a loud rattle up the pipe. I watched with some interest as it appeared to me to be a very clever way of doing things. All the bigger lumps were sucked up and collected in the clear box thing whilst all the fine dust was blown out of the vents and deposited on the table and the settee, indeed anywhere above ground level. I thought that was very good as I didn't have to walk in it and it was all out of the way above the kind of level where I can be normally blamed for anything. The Owner soon turned around and started using lots of rude words again so I guessed he hadn't intended that to happen. He is now trying to find a way of warming his hands, does anyone have a useful suggestion of thawing out my water bowl?

Visiting Lots of Hoomun Friends

Yesterday I had a very good day! So much I did, so many people I saw, so many places I hadn't seen for far too long.

It started the previous evening when The Owner arrived back at the cottage in Phlee Dog Owner's car, but then left it out the front of the cottage and came in and went to bed. Early the following morning he was up again and he put me in the back of Phlee Dog Owner's car (I love cars, they are my favourite and I was so excited I had to wee up the gate post) and off we went, a long way, and then we picked up Diesel Dog Daughter! He drove a little bit further and then I was left in the car on my own, that was ok too as I like cars, had I mentioned that? When he returned he had not only Diesel Dog Daughter with him but Small Boy as well! Although he did smell of hospitals! We left Small Boy in the car park, I think he must have had an ooops and was being punished and in the absence of a boot room I guess the car park was next best thing. The Owner must have forgiven him as we soon went back for him and he had a bag with him this time so we all went to Owners Dad's next.

I managed to thieve some of Cat's food before The Owner chased me off so that was good. Then Horse turned up! Horse brought Owner's Sister and Mechanic too! Yet more excitement was to follow when Diesel Dog Daughter gave me a present which I was, frankly, less than enamoured with! Nail clippers for the K9! A bath one day, claws trimmed the next! This was not turning out so well! It turned out far worse for Horse when Owners Sister picked up my K9 nail clippers and turned towards Horse with a, frankly, far too gleeful look in her eye for my liking!

I offer the picture as a sort of before and after image. This was me after my nails had been trimmed and before Owners Sister pounced upon Horse. You will notice my neatly manicured claws and the somewhat unkempt condition of Horse's claws. All in all a thoroughly rewarding day, marred only by the brief incident with the nails. Oh yes, and the slightly regrettable incident with Owners Dad's sherry glass when Cat realised I was there.

Bath Time Again

That's it! I am officially over Christmas! I am over hoomuns! I am over The Owner!

The Owner, as already reported, was up in a strange frame of mind this morning. I soon learned why when he stole my comfy cushion and put it in the washing machine. The day got worse, he disappeared upstairs to "Make myself beautiful!" as he puts it. I chose a small square of carpet to curl up on in the absence of my comfy cushion whilst he was out of the way. Then suddenly I hear him calling me from upstairs. Well after my experience at Volvo Hoomun's house yesterday where I discovered that there are sometimes armchairs and stuff upstairs I was eager to check it out so went off upstairs in answer to his call. That was when I discovered his betrayal! He put me in the bath!!!! He seems to think he can justify it by telling me I smell sweeter, I think I smell like a camel. When he reached out of the bathroom door to get my towel he left a little crack in the door unguarded and I escaped. I take a little solace from being able to get dirty water sprayed up the landing walls, the stairwell walls, the dining room, the kitchen and it's probably best that I don't mention the living room here as it's appearance seems to bring on an attack of the vapours from The Owner.