A Philosophical View

There are days when you are the sitter; and then there are days when you are the sat upon!

Diesel Dog has Landed!

Well, what a few days I have had! Sundays, as I may have mentioned before follow a set pattern. The Owner gets up, makes a cup of tea and feeds me, then takes said cup of tea through to the living room and puts the telly on and shouts at The Andrew Marr show a lot. He says things like Slimeball Mandleson and other words that I pretend not to understand. Then he makes a second mug of tea and picks his paper off the front porch and then sits in the dining room and rants a lot at the paper. Grateful that his rant isn't at me I snuggle up with him on that sofa (because I am allowed) and awaits the next disturbance which will be at coffee time when he has a coffee and a glass of sherry. After the coffee and sherry disturbance to my snuggling and snoozing I settled back down again, only to be disturbed soon after when a van pulled up in the lay by so I felt obliged to charge about the garden a little and act all brave. Well I was more than a little surprised to see Tesco Delivery Yoof there so I rushed around in an entirely different manner hopeful of a Bonio. It was then that the day took a little turn. I had a quick stretch and turned over when out of the corner of my eye I felt sure I saw something rush past. Unable to see anything that may have been responsible I settled down again, after a moment or two I was even more sure I had seen it again but when I looked the room was quiet and still, much as it always is. I was just having another stretch and climbing off the sofa when Diesel Dog ran through the dining room and the boot room and out the back door, apparently for the third time in as many minutes. I finished my stretch and was about to start looking where he had gone, when I was T boned in the side by a demented badger masquerading as Diesel Dog! I ran out the front door, mainly just to get out of his way until he had worked it out of his system, but the fool followed me! So I ran harder, so he ran harder. I ran harder still, so the demented badger known as Diesel Dog, ran harder still. After the fourth trip round the garden, taking in the boot room, the kitchen, the dining room, the hallway and the porch before going outside the cottage again, I took a little sidestep as we entered the kitchen and stood behind The Owner's legs where he was making tea for Owners Daughter and Diesel Dog Daughter. Diesel Dog got quicker and quicker in his efforts to catch up with me, whilst I watched from the relative safety behind The Owners legs. Three more trips round looking for me and he spotted me. I thought my peace was about to be shattered but he just kept on running. I was quite worn out just watching him!! I was lucky it was a warm and sunny day so I went and had a snooze behind the barbie in the woods, every time I opened an eye I could still see him running. It was all just too much effort and I still feel tired.

The Owners Acceptance Speech

The Owner is feeling very pleased with himself today. The gullible among you have been buying his book! He is already trying to write his acceptance speech for the National Book Awards. I have the laptop so he is currently sucking thoughtfully on his pencil and then scribbling furiously before screwing up the paper and throwing it at the waste bin. You notice I didn't say in the bin, that was because it has already disappeared under the weight of two packs of paper. It could be another long day.

Even More Wise Words fro Jack Labrador

More words of wisdom from Jack Labrador - A horse may run quickly but it cannot escape its tail. Turn the tables and chase the tail instead - it always works for me. I never catch it though!

More Wise words from Jack Labrador

More wise words from Jack Labrador - A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush just means you weren't barking loud enough to scare the little varmints away in the first place!

My Collision With The Owner

Today I was beginning to feel I may have been forgiven for the damp duvet incident. The day had gone well, The Owner had his coffee and sat on the step in the sunshine and gave me two Bonio's. It's not often I get two Bonio's! Then, a little earlier than normal he grabs his phone and his keys and says "C'mon Jack, let's go and have some lunch shall we?" and we wandered home. I should explain that last night The Owner had mowed the lawns, even the ones around the back and the paths up into the woods by the barbie. It must mean that someone important is coming to see him or he would never have bothered with the back of the cottage and the paths in the woods. So, unusually, it is possible to completely circumnavigate the cottage without getting stung in one's important little places. Now big words like that do tend to impress me with my own brilliance! Whilst The Owner went inside I stayed outside and had a poo, which always leaves me with an irresistible urge to run very fast. So I thought I would run all the way round the cottage very fast. It was great fun! I was nearing the end of the third circuit when it all went horribly wrong. As I rounded the corner of the porch on the front door The Owner was wandering out with a plate and a sandwich in one hand and a mug of tea in the other looking for a nice spot to sit and have his lunch. Well I hadn't allowed for this! I also felt he was making just a little too much of the whole affair with the way he threw his sandwich and drink in the air as I ran into him. There was a certain amount of venom went into the way he cut some more bread for a replacement sandwich, but the good news was I noticed where the sandwich went and when the dust has settled a little I will go and find it. I think until then I may keep out of the way a little.

The Aftermath of The Owner's Damp Bed

I was sooooooo right yesterday, when I predicted there would be ructions when The Owner went to bed last night. I had fallen foul, or rather in the hole that Road Worker Hoomun had dug in the road which by then had become a victim of the pond which had spread to include all the road, the ditch and some of the field. Because he was sat in the middle of what was formerly known as the road, I felt that I could have been easily excused for not realising there was actually a hole under there. That was until I fell in it of course! I had no sympathy at all from The Owner who laughed at my downfall in a particularly raucous fashion all the way home as I dribbled water behind me. As he hadn't toweled me off and had left me at home alone I found my way to his bed as somewhere warm and dry to lay for a while until I dried a little. My prediction was that he may have an opinion or two when he went to bed himself and found it to be a little more damp than he had been expecting. The evening had gone well and he ruffled my ears absent mindedly as he watched the TV and slurped loudly at his wine. It almost seemed a shame that it was going to end so loudly later, but hey ho, I am just a K9 after all. What could I do? Well, as predicted, soon after he went up the stairs there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth coming from his bedroom. Well what could I do? You're right - hide! So I have found that there is enough room - just - for me to squeeze down the side of the tumble dryer and hide behind the fridge. As long as I don't mind sharing it with several odd socks, two pairs of boxers, a towel..... and a sink plunger! No idea what the sink plunger was doing there either! I think he must have slept last night in Small Boys bed as he isn't here during the week. When he came down the stairs this morning I heard him put the kettle on as normal and empty the tea pot as normal, but the door to the boot room didn't open for some time. This was a little worrying as the bladder was getting fairly stretched and not helped by the cramped spot I had spent the night. When the door was finally opened he stood there, in his boxer shorts, arms folded in a very uncompromising manner and a scowl on his face, which was frankly enough to have even silenced those two old ladies in the village that smell of lavender (yuk and phew!) who never stop talking. I have a feeling today could be a very long day, I was even put on a lead for the walk to the studio this morning!