Lynx

I was sitting there all quiet watching the telly with The Owner when I whirled round looking for some explanation or reassurance. The man on the telly started talking about this cat and described it as Lynx. To me, it looked not dissimilar to Cat that tried to walk on water earlier last week, and who incidentally has still not forgiven me and growls whenever I walk past on patrol. When The Owner wears Lynx he certainly doesn't look quite so furry. He seems to think it will make women fall at his feet in a heightened state of carnal desire. Of course, they don't and that may be due in part to the application of half a bottle producing a stench worthy of a large lavender bush and capable of descaling a kettle at a hundred yards, and also because of his constant laughing at his own jokes. I am failing to see the connection here unless Cat on the television is also wearing the same stinking stuff. I will try an find out more over the coming days.

Walking on Water

This morning I have made an important discovery for animal science!!! Cats do walk on water, albeit a little shakily, probably in need of more practice. I was on early morning patrol and am happy to report that the pond has had so much drought flow in to it that it is now full and overflowing. We have had a problem recently with a fox using the front lawn as it's own private lavatory for which I at first was getting the blame. Although as The Owner has always said, if I do one it usually requires blue and white road signs around it and to be treated as a roundabout. So he finally realised that these were far too delicate and small to have come from me and the admonishments I had received thus far were all in error. Did I get an apology? Nah! So, on patrol I was, near the pond. When I heard noises in the little copse around the back of the pond. I thought to myself, "Jack my boy, here is your moment to explain to Fox that he needs to adjust his pooing activities before The Owner catches up with him". So, with my stealthiest paws on and on my belly, I crept through the copse from the cricket field towards the pond. As I got closer I realised that Cat, who is new around here, had the same idea. He was creeping up on Fox too. So I crept closer and Cat crept closer. Cat had obviously been blamed for pooing on his Owner's lawn too. He crept right up behind Fox, (who was either very brave in the face of adversity or he had seen neither of us,) and was about to pounce, and I was right behind Cat. Well the excitement just got too much for me and I let out a very loud bark. It had the desired affect on Fox who legged it round the side of the pond and across the fields, but I am guessing that Cat was unaware of my presence until that point, as he ran straight across three lily pads and only realised he was on water when he was nearly at the other side...... and sank! Up to that point he was doing well I thought. Brave as ever, I jumped in and rescued him. Which seemed to be a little under-appreciated and I now have a little scab on the top of my nose which is a little distracting as I can see it if I squint a little. If I snooze I can shut my eyes and it won't be such a problem I think. I'll be on top of the straw bales in the calf sheds if anyone wants me.

A Philosophical View

There are days when you are the sitter; and then there are days when you are the sat upon!

Diesel Dog has Landed!

Well, what a few days I have had! Sundays, as I may have mentioned before follow a set pattern. The Owner gets up, makes a cup of tea and feeds me, then takes said cup of tea through to the living room and puts the telly on and shouts at The Andrew Marr show a lot. He says things like Slimeball Mandleson and other words that I pretend not to understand. Then he makes a second mug of tea and picks his paper off the front porch and then sits in the dining room and rants a lot at the paper. Grateful that his rant isn't at me I snuggle up with him on that sofa (because I am allowed) and awaits the next disturbance which will be at coffee time when he has a coffee and a glass of sherry. After the coffee and sherry disturbance to my snuggling and snoozing I settled back down again, only to be disturbed soon after when a van pulled up in the lay by so I felt obliged to charge about the garden a little and act all brave. Well I was more than a little surprised to see Tesco Delivery Yoof there so I rushed around in an entirely different manner hopeful of a Bonio. It was then that the day took a little turn. I had a quick stretch and turned over when out of the corner of my eye I felt sure I saw something rush past. Unable to see anything that may have been responsible I settled down again, after a moment or two I was even more sure I had seen it again but when I looked the room was quiet and still, much as it always is. I was just having another stretch and climbing off the sofa when Diesel Dog ran through the dining room and the boot room and out the back door, apparently for the third time in as many minutes. I finished my stretch and was about to start looking where he had gone, when I was T boned in the side by a demented badger masquerading as Diesel Dog! I ran out the front door, mainly just to get out of his way until he had worked it out of his system, but the fool followed me! So I ran harder, so he ran harder. I ran harder still, so the demented badger known as Diesel Dog, ran harder still. After the fourth trip round the garden, taking in the boot room, the kitchen, the dining room, the hallway and the porch before going outside the cottage again, I took a little sidestep as we entered the kitchen and stood behind The Owner's legs where he was making tea for Owners Daughter and Diesel Dog Daughter. Diesel Dog got quicker and quicker in his efforts to catch up with me, whilst I watched from the relative safety behind The Owners legs. Three more trips round looking for me and he spotted me. I thought my peace was about to be shattered but he just kept on running. I was quite worn out just watching him!! I was lucky it was a warm and sunny day so I went and had a snooze behind the barbie in the woods, every time I opened an eye I could still see him running. It was all just too much effort and I still feel tired.

The Owners Acceptance Speech

The Owner is feeling very pleased with himself today. The gullible among you have been buying his book! He is already trying to write his acceptance speech for the National Book Awards. I have the laptop so he is currently sucking thoughtfully on his pencil and then scribbling furiously before screwing up the paper and throwing it at the waste bin. You notice I didn't say in the bin, that was because it has already disappeared under the weight of two packs of paper. It could be another long day.

Even More Wise Words fro Jack Labrador

More words of wisdom from Jack Labrador - A horse may run quickly but it cannot escape its tail. Turn the tables and chase the tail instead - it always works for me. I never catch it though!

More Wise words from Jack Labrador

More wise words from Jack Labrador - A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush just means you weren't barking loud enough to scare the little varmints away in the first place!