Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold!

Yesterday I met a lady. One who clearly recognises breeding. The Owner and I were walking back to the studio for the third time that morning, why he doesn't write a list escapes me, when Lady Hoomun With Horse happened upon us. The Owner always says that it is a woman with a funny growth between her legs.... and then laughs very loudly, so it must be one of his special jokes that no-one else understands. As Lady Hoomun With Horse got closer she uttered words I will cherish forever. "I do admire your dog", she said to The Owner. "He is so handsome and well behaved!". I was beside myself! I have made notes and will not be weeing on her car door or her handbag should I see her in the pub one day. The Owner was predictably dismissive and said I had my good days and then, scowling in my direction, added "Sometimes!!!". Talk about deflated!! Owners Daughter arrived last night and stayed in the spare room, after The Owner had brushed off all my hair and other bits and pieces from where I managed to get a sneaky forty-winks when The Owner was out one day, and then passed it all off as a freshly made bed. What is the saying about revenge being a dish best served cold?? Well the more observant among you may have remembered how Owner's Daughter forcibly deposited me in the bath one day? Well..... let me just say, Owner's Daughter is not, habitually, an early riser, I am. I have a cold wet nose, and the grass in the garden was very damp this morning. An early morning poo causes me to get very excited and run very fast in no particular direction. Except today I found a direction.... straight up the stairs. Let's just say she was up and out of the bed with a certain sense of urgency at this point. It was a good start to the day, now, what to do next? Has Old Reg the Paper Boy delivered the paper yet I wonder.

My trip to Lundun

Yesterday morning The Owner was up early and polished his shoes (always a bad sign) and then dragged his suit out of the wardrobe. Not off a hanger, you understand, but from the bottom where he had thrown it after a disagreeable meeting a month ago. This of course liberated one or two of my little misdemeanour's. Well he had left me on my own a couple of times and I wanted somewhere different to lay and the wardrobe door was open! So this was the first accusing stare I had received that day, there will be more. And it was only a few of my hairs!!! So, suit de-haired and put on, I was expecting the usual cursory Bonio to be thrown my way and then abandoned to my own amusement for the day. Instead he picked up my posh lead and told me to get in the car!!! We went to SWINDON!!!! I was a little nervous until we got to the station and I relaxed a little, I knew that we get trains from stations and they go to Bath, I have been there before. I had also learned not to wee on the old lady's zimmer frame legs, they are apparently not for my benefit. However I was taken a little by surprise when the train came from the other direction, but a very grumpy chap who clearly had no understanding of my breeding told The Owner "Be careful with that dog and mind the gap with it." With IT!!! So I wee'd on his trouser leg and felt much better for it. The Owner said we were going to Lundun! When we got to Lundun there were so many people! We don't even see that many people at the village hall! We walked across the big station, I have never done my best walking to heal quite so good as that before. Not to demonstrate my considerable prowess at walking to heel, just that I wanted to keep The Owner close by me. Then we came across this huge badger hole and all these people went down it! What kind of a place was that???? As we got close to it I noticed that the stairs were all falling down the big hole, well I frankly wasn't surprised with that many people standing on it. Then The Owner went to jump on, well, I wasn't about to get on that!!! It moves!!! Oh the embarrassment! The Owner picked me up and carried me down it. Those badgers must have been very well organised as they have trains and everything down there. I must have a look again at the badger sett on the hill when next I go for a quick roll. When we got off the train, and came back out of the badgers sett we arrived in this park which The Owner said was a Kings park. I did look but didn't see a King. What is a King anyway? Should I have one? Anyway it was about that time of day so I found a secluded spot behind a tree and tried to ignore the big offices full of people. Then The Owner.... what was he doing?????? he pulls a carrier bag out of his jacket pocket and PICKS IT UP!!!!!! I told you the world was very strange the other side of Swindon didn't I? And it has even affected The Owner. I pretended not to notice out of politeness but I have to report I am in no hurry to repeat that particular journey. You know where you stand with cows. As far away as possible usually, but at least you know.

The Water Main

I felt a little uncertain about events of this morning at first. Morning patrol accomplished, it just left the journey to the studio before a Bonio to chomp on would appear out of my Bonio Bucket. Then The Owner would do his emails and stuff whilst having a slurp from his coffee mug. As we approached the farm everything appeared normal, and I have come to expect this sort of thing when disaster is about to befall, when from nowhere it came! There I was, weeing up against a clump of grass on the side of the road, when suddenly it started to wee back!!!! Then the drain in the gully started to have an opinion on the matter too, followed by the cracks in the driveway, a second drain, another clump of grass which I hadn't wee'd on yet and the area around the gatepost, also not wee'd on yet! With that much water around it is usually something to do with me I have noticed, or at least I get blamed for it, so I tried very hard to keep out of everyone's way just in case. I opted to go and sit in the field behind the fence to distance myself from the water and any attached blame. It was then that I noticed the water was off down the road past The Owner and heading straight for Farmer Hoomun's cottage. If water could have a vengeful look in it's eye, this was just the occasion when it would have had it! I couldn't help but think that The Owner was getting worried as well at this point, in case he got the blame as well! The water then suddenly disappeared down another drain, which I have noted, if it can take that much water in one go it is worth knowing about! You never know when that kind of information may come in handy! After much excitement on the farm with hoomuns of varying shapes and sizes talking to their phones and scratching their heads I heard The Owner pronounce his verdict with a great sense of authority on the matter. We have a water leak!! A big water leak!!!!!! I will keep you informed.

Yet More Wise Words from Jack Labrador

”That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” - Friedrich Nietzsche - Now here is a man who understands badger poo!!!!! More wise words from Jack Labrador.

Even More Wise Words from Jack Labrador

‎"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." Aristotle ~ But with no mind at all everything is entertaining! More wise words from Jack Labrador.

More Wise Words from Jack Labrador

Obstinacy and vehemency in opinion are the surest proofs of stupidity. (Which reminds me, I haven't seen The Owner in a while.) ~ More wise words from Jack Labrador.

Lady Chocolate Lab Caught Out Again!

I am Sooooooo over Lady Chocolate Lab!