The End of a Good Day!

Yesterday was a good day! There was much frantic activity during the morning by The Owner, he had announced that he was going to have a day off which I had assumed would mean we would "do things". But instead he started painting. He painted the walls, he painted the doors, he painted himself, he painted the bath, he painted the sink; he also got some paint on the beams which I gather was his intended target. The oven was another of his targets and I now understand that the rungs inside the oven are meant to be bright and shiny! At some point in the afternoon, after he had stolen my duvet from the boot room and thrown it without due ceremony into the washing machine (he seemed to think it was getting smelly, I thought it was getting about right) Owners Daughter arrived. After successfully communicating mind to mind and getting her to retrieve a Bonio for me from the tin, The Owner went and got several armful's of newspaper and went to throw it in the boot of Owners Daughters car. I am always hopeful of a trip in a car somewhere so I jumped in quick, fully expecting to be removed amid much bellowing but I was allowed to stay!! We went first to the recycling centre and then to the pub in the next village, where I met not one, but two lady chocolate labs and two swamp collies. And I got fed when we got home! It is a very comforting feeling at the end of a day when things have gone well, I even let The Owner sit on my settee.

The Visit by The Pile Of Washing!

We have had visitors we have! A car arrived in the lay-by in front of the cottage and out got a familiar shape, Polly Dog! I have met Polly Dog before when she came to see me with her Hoomun called NieceinBornmuff. Well NieceinBornmuff has apparently now changed her name, as The Owner now informs me that she is called NieceinBlandford. I am unsure why hoomuns change their names like that, I will investigate and report. Out of the car also got Musician Hoomun carrying a bundle of washing, I thought, as I wee'd on their car wheel. The Owner and the other two hoomuns carried the bundle of washing in doors and the tea ritual, which I have witnessed so many times when hoomuns come to visit, was started by putting the kettle on. I had assumed that the bundle of washing had been brought up because their washing machine was broken or something. The Owner had to take his washing to Owners Dad's once when his washing machine sprung a very large leak and cast water upon the kitchen floor in a very dramatic fashion. So I reasoned that maybe they also had a very wet kitchen floor and felt it my duty to point out that I was in no way responsible. Cups of tea made and great attention on my part being paid to who was going to be the easiest to get a Bonio from, when the strangest thing happened!! The pile of washing started to move... on it's own!! Then made noises! Then a toy hoomun arm appeared... followed by a toy hoomun leg, and altogether far too much of an opinion on just about every matter you could think of!! Well I have never seen a hoomun as small as that before! Do they make lots like that or is this a one off? I watched this small hoomun with an air of caution for the next hour or so, you know where you are with The Owner but the Heap of Washing Hoomun was unpredictable at best. I was quite grateful for a lie down in the boot room that night, I had one of my headaches coming on!

Lady Auntie Hoomun's Visit

Yesterday, amid much excitement, Owner's Dad arrived together with Lady Auntie Hoomun and Accountant Hoomun. I thought Accountant Hoomun was a strange name for a hoomun but he did give me a Bonio so I will always play along with strange hoomun behaviours. Lady Auntie Hoomun also gave me many Bonio's so I will forgive her for what followed. Whilst I was giving a Bonio my full attention all of them ran outside and closed the front door behind them. Feeling it was all a mistake I ran to the back door..... it was shut! I ran to The Owner's bedroom window... the door was closed! I was suspecting that this was perhaps not a mistake and they had deliberately abandoned me. Bereft, I consoled myself with a sneaky snooze on the velvet cushions. When they returned, my K9 snifter, which never lets me down, deduced they had been to a pub somewhere.... without me! More Bonio's followed so I was in half a mind to forgive them until Lady Auntie Hoomun kept insisting I joined them in the garden for "Family Fun and Frivolities!". My comfy cushion, or better still the velvet cushion on my settee with which I am building a good bond of late, seemed a far better option in my opinion! I checked the car to see whether Cat was there and got chased away so I suspect he may have been hiding in there and was scared to come out as the cows were in the paddock opposite. Now, after my recent trip to Lundun on the train where I witnessed The Owner and other hoomuns picking up the evidence when us K9's had a poo, I have come to consider myself something of an expert on the matter. However, a question was posed to me yesterday which I have to say baffled me slightly. I understand how some K9's, labs in particular, work tirelessly to assist their blind owners, (I work tirelessly, on the other hand, to confuse The Owner. It's slightly different, yet equally successful) but the question was posed, who picks up their poo when they have one? It all sounds terribly messy if you ask me...

Hoomuns Are Like This!

Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold!

Yesterday I met a lady. One who clearly recognises breeding. The Owner and I were walking back to the studio for the third time that morning, why he doesn't write a list escapes me, when Lady Hoomun With Horse happened upon us. The Owner always says that it is a woman with a funny growth between her legs.... and then laughs very loudly, so it must be one of his special jokes that no-one else understands. As Lady Hoomun With Horse got closer she uttered words I will cherish forever. "I do admire your dog", she said to The Owner. "He is so handsome and well behaved!". I was beside myself! I have made notes and will not be weeing on her car door or her handbag should I see her in the pub one day. The Owner was predictably dismissive and said I had my good days and then, scowling in my direction, added "Sometimes!!!". Talk about deflated!! Owners Daughter arrived last night and stayed in the spare room, after The Owner had brushed off all my hair and other bits and pieces from where I managed to get a sneaky forty-winks when The Owner was out one day, and then passed it all off as a freshly made bed. What is the saying about revenge being a dish best served cold?? Well the more observant among you may have remembered how Owner's Daughter forcibly deposited me in the bath one day? Well..... let me just say, Owner's Daughter is not, habitually, an early riser, I am. I have a cold wet nose, and the grass in the garden was very damp this morning. An early morning poo causes me to get very excited and run very fast in no particular direction. Except today I found a direction.... straight up the stairs. Let's just say she was up and out of the bed with a certain sense of urgency at this point. It was a good start to the day, now, what to do next? Has Old Reg the Paper Boy delivered the paper yet I wonder.

My trip to Lundun

Yesterday morning The Owner was up early and polished his shoes (always a bad sign) and then dragged his suit out of the wardrobe. Not off a hanger, you understand, but from the bottom where he had thrown it after a disagreeable meeting a month ago. This of course liberated one or two of my little misdemeanour's. Well he had left me on my own a couple of times and I wanted somewhere different to lay and the wardrobe door was open! So this was the first accusing stare I had received that day, there will be more. And it was only a few of my hairs!!! So, suit de-haired and put on, I was expecting the usual cursory Bonio to be thrown my way and then abandoned to my own amusement for the day. Instead he picked up my posh lead and told me to get in the car!!! We went to SWINDON!!!! I was a little nervous until we got to the station and I relaxed a little, I knew that we get trains from stations and they go to Bath, I have been there before. I had also learned not to wee on the old lady's zimmer frame legs, they are apparently not for my benefit. However I was taken a little by surprise when the train came from the other direction, but a very grumpy chap who clearly had no understanding of my breeding told The Owner "Be careful with that dog and mind the gap with it." With IT!!! So I wee'd on his trouser leg and felt much better for it. The Owner said we were going to Lundun! When we got to Lundun there were so many people! We don't even see that many people at the village hall! We walked across the big station, I have never done my best walking to heal quite so good as that before. Not to demonstrate my considerable prowess at walking to heel, just that I wanted to keep The Owner close by me. Then we came across this huge badger hole and all these people went down it! What kind of a place was that???? As we got close to it I noticed that the stairs were all falling down the big hole, well I frankly wasn't surprised with that many people standing on it. Then The Owner went to jump on, well, I wasn't about to get on that!!! It moves!!! Oh the embarrassment! The Owner picked me up and carried me down it. Those badgers must have been very well organised as they have trains and everything down there. I must have a look again at the badger sett on the hill when next I go for a quick roll. When we got off the train, and came back out of the badgers sett we arrived in this park which The Owner said was a Kings park. I did look but didn't see a King. What is a King anyway? Should I have one? Anyway it was about that time of day so I found a secluded spot behind a tree and tried to ignore the big offices full of people. Then The Owner.... what was he doing?????? he pulls a carrier bag out of his jacket pocket and PICKS IT UP!!!!!! I told you the world was very strange the other side of Swindon didn't I? And it has even affected The Owner. I pretended not to notice out of politeness but I have to report I am in no hurry to repeat that particular journey. You know where you stand with cows. As far away as possible usually, but at least you know.

The Water Main

I felt a little uncertain about events of this morning at first. Morning patrol accomplished, it just left the journey to the studio before a Bonio to chomp on would appear out of my Bonio Bucket. Then The Owner would do his emails and stuff whilst having a slurp from his coffee mug. As we approached the farm everything appeared normal, and I have come to expect this sort of thing when disaster is about to befall, when from nowhere it came! There I was, weeing up against a clump of grass on the side of the road, when suddenly it started to wee back!!!! Then the drain in the gully started to have an opinion on the matter too, followed by the cracks in the driveway, a second drain, another clump of grass which I hadn't wee'd on yet and the area around the gatepost, also not wee'd on yet! With that much water around it is usually something to do with me I have noticed, or at least I get blamed for it, so I tried very hard to keep out of everyone's way just in case. I opted to go and sit in the field behind the fence to distance myself from the water and any attached blame. It was then that I noticed the water was off down the road past The Owner and heading straight for Farmer Hoomun's cottage. If water could have a vengeful look in it's eye, this was just the occasion when it would have had it! I couldn't help but think that The Owner was getting worried as well at this point, in case he got the blame as well! The water then suddenly disappeared down another drain, which I have noted, if it can take that much water in one go it is worth knowing about! You never know when that kind of information may come in handy! After much excitement on the farm with hoomuns of varying shapes and sizes talking to their phones and scratching their heads I heard The Owner pronounce his verdict with a great sense of authority on the matter. We have a water leak!! A big water leak!!!!!! I will keep you informed.