Organic Matter in The Boot

This morning I am in the poo….. deep poo!

When I read that back it may have been a good choice of phrase, really. You may recall recently how I recently managed to hide The Owner’s corkscrew in his boot for him to find, thereby averting the eye of suspicion from myself? Well this morning I was out on patrol before daylight and happened upon something which was vaguely organic and extremely interesting at the top of the garden. But as it was still too dark to be sure of the exact origin or composition of this organic matter I decided to take it indoors where the light is better for a closer look. In the mornings, The Owner can sometimes be described, (at best) as unpredictable and I thought he had poured his tea and was settling down in front of the TV to shout at the presenters and guests on BBC Breakfast. It somehow makes him feel better and more able to cope with the rest of the day I have noticed. This morning was different and when I returned to the cottage and in through the boot room door he was coming back into the kitchen with a dirty mug from last night and was about to pour his tea. He must have had a small preliminary rant at the TV and that had delayed him. Either way I really couldn't afford to upset the start of his day by getting caught with something in my mouth which The Owner would not approve of, so I dropped it quick behind his boots. Well, when I say behind them I really meant on them. Or more accurately kind of like…. well…. in them with just a tail hanging over the side really. I know; I know what you’re thinking but it was all I could think of on the spur of the moment. After tea, toast and his bath, it was time for him to face the world, as he likes to put it (he gets that from Owners Daughter). This was where the day went rapidly downhill for all concerned! The Owner grabbed his boots and paid no attention to what was watching him over the top of his boots and plunged his foot into the depths of his boot. Unusually he even got it on the right foot first time! There was that second or two that seemed to go in slow motion as I could watch the message go from his foot to the brain, “Hello Brain, Foot here; yes, something seems to be kind of squidging up between the toes!” During those seconds I frantically searched for anywhere that would act as a bolthole and could only find a dining chair which offered little in the way of protection from the wrath which then came my way. He has also worked out by association that I may have been behind the whole corkscrew incident too. It has been a particularly silent walk to the studio this morning and I have a feeling this is going to be a very long day.

And I never got the opportunity to identify what I left in his boot either!

On Owners Daughter and Blocked Drains

Yesterday we had a bit of a problem, (in the drain department as it happened). I was just getting down to exploring the full complexities of drain department problems and digging a small exploratory hole beside the offending drain, when it happened. Owners Daughter happened, that's what! The Owner, being "one of the old school" as he likes to term it, (to everyone else it is just that he likes real tea and not "those infernal tea bags") has a certain susceptibility to blocking in the kitchen drain department with the left-overs from the operation. I happened to notice that it was blocked early in the week. The fact that all the washing up water was building a sizable lake outside the boot room door (for which I hold absolutely no responsibility) was a bit of a give away. It had proved far too subtle for The Owner, or he had just preferred to ignore it in the hope that a troop of elves and goblins would have cleared a bin bag full of tea leaves over night. Either way, yesterday morning he was to be found grumbling his way towards the tool shed when I returned from morning patrol. Traditionally that is then followed by further grumbling when he discovers that Small Boy has had all The Owners tools out and abandoned them in strategic points around the garden and The Owner has no idea where. I decided to keep out of the way and went instead to explore the cause of the problem.




I was just getting in to the swing of the dig and all four paws were fully employed in removing the blockage when the air raid sirens in my head began to sound..... OWNERS DAUGHTER HAS LANDED!!!!! There was a lot of loud frowning going on as Owners Daughter remonstrated with The Owner about his general disheveled state, the quantity of unwashed pans balanced precariously on top of the heap of washing up in the sink, the fresh squirty bottle of hand soap that he hadn't undone the top of since she last visited two weeks ago (so clearly hadn't used it), the lack of flow (in the right direction) of the drains outside the kitchen, and the plight of the indigenous native South Americans in Peru! I have no idea why he was being chastised about the native South Americans but she was clearly warming to her task. There was more than the odd glance being cast in my direction as she reached her crescendo so I knew I was going to be next and I had still got all four legs covered in mud and didn't wish to draw too much attention to myself, so I did my very best hide, behind The Owner. Working on the principle that she would have to get past The Owner before she could get to me. I stayed there until the danger had passed and she had moved on to something else, which was quite a while but always better to be safe than sorry in these matters..

My World is Good!

Today I have noticed many things. 

It is indeed a beautiful morning, the early morning frost lifted early and was replaced by a heavy mist. This first signs of blossom are visible on the Morello Cherry tree in the corner of the garden, (I actually have no idea what a Morello Cherry is but it made me sound kinda learned I thought). The first signs of the leaves showing on the hedge by the paddock and of course planet earth was saved from destruction by a wayward lump of rock flying through space. Not sure if I should have and opinion about that, so I shall wait and see. Had it done so, I guess there would always be tomorrow to put it right. Well it worked with the Mayan calender so I see no reason why it wouldn't work with an asteroid too. But the really really best bit about all this is that The Owner has opened the studio door and let the sunlight in and I can take up my post near the door. All we need now is Postman and the morning will be perfect. I wonder if he has been yet?

Skinners Lady Hoomun Visits

Yesterday I made a new friend, and I have the distinct feeling she is going to be my bestest friend ever!!! The Owner said that I had to behave myself properly (like I could do anything else) as he was expecting an important visitor! So I resisted the temptation to roll in anything when out on patrol, or jump in the pond, or get to chasing across the field down near the lakes that is so muddy The Owner can't get across it. I particularly like that field because I can run around like a demented badger and get particularly muddy and there is nothing The Owner can do to stop me. Although, to be honest, life isn't worth living for a while when I get back as he gets in a right old strop with me but it is always worth it where there is mud involved. But I resisted! Then a big car pulled up outside and a lady hoomun got out and came in to the studio. The Owner was busy waving that cautionary finger at me which meant I should think long and hard on the merits of what I am about to do and work out whether the pain will justify the gain. To be honest it normally does but the little K9 in my head which urges me to do far too many things was telling m not to this time. So Skinners Lady Hoomun arrived and the first thing she did was give me a gravy bone. I was smitten! I waved my paws in the air and she gave me another telling me it was my last one.... and then gave me another. This was going well I thought. Coffee was being made so I got a Bonio from The Owner....... and another gravy bone from Skinners Lady Hoomun!!!! :) It was all going very well and The Owner was smiling a lot too. 

Today there has been a delivery! Two large bags of my food have arrived.... and the name on the side? Skinners!!!!!! Are the two things connected? Haven't a clue but I am in lurve I think.... with two bags of food! 

I will be watching them intently today!

The Rain!

Yesterday, being a Sunday was a gentle start in the cottage. I went out, just to relieve the pressure, and was confronted by a wall of rain falling from the sky and the gutter above the boot room door and resolved there and then that it was going to be the last time I went out there again that day. Nasty stuff, rain! So I busied myself indoors, alternating between snoozing on my comfy cushion, snoozing in front of the fire and snoozing on the sofa curled up beside The Owner whilst he read the Sunday Papers. There was little ranting about them, which was unusual, so there couldn't have been anyone in them that he disapproved of. I did venture to open an eye occasionally and glance at the windows and observed much rain still falling against the windows, so closed it again rapidly. Eventually The Owner gets up, stretches, and rummages in the cupboard for his boots. This time (unusually) nothing else came tumbling out, which is the normal way of things I have come to notice. He normally gets his boots out and then has to throw all the other bits and bobs that have made a bid for freedom back in and shut the door quick. This all pointed to one thing, he was going to become very insistent that we were going to have to go out on patrol! It is still raining out there!!! I am a dog with breeding, dogs with breeding don't do rain!!! So I hid at first but he was having none of it. He dragged me out into the rain and out into the fields. This is not good, I am getting wet here!! Across the fields we squelched, water dripping off the end of my nose whilst I walked five yards behind him. Not out of any idea of respect or servitude, just that I didn't want to be out in the rain and wet and was dreaming of warming myself beside the fire later when we got back. At one point he stood under a tree up on the hill to shelter a little from the rain. Look, am I missing something here? There is a perfectly good cottage down there.... and it is all the shelter I need. But on we trudged! Eventually we turn for home, but not before I am so wet that, if I wore any, the water would have been running out of the seat of my pants. The only good bit about the whole wretched saga was that the pond was full and I got to play in it for a while. Until he started grumbling about getting wet stood there waiting for me.

Now it is snowing outside and I have to walk home through that!!

The Clean White Shirt

Yesterday I was impressed with my own quick thinking. Lightning reactions I had! Decisions were made in the blink of an eye! Why is it though that decisions made like that always seem to have such far reaching, yet unforeseen, consequences? Yesterday morning The Owner was up early and was flitting around the cottage in his domestic duties pinny. You really don't want to know what else he was wearing! He was busy doing his best to vacuum all the dust up, only for it to be deposited somewhere else by that demonic Dyson The more I see of it the more I am convinced that it is of the devil and that I was always right to be very wary of it. With all the dust now removed from the floor and placed deftly on the dining table by that ruddy Dyson, The Owner turned his attention to the bath. He came down a while later wearing his work meeting trousers and his posh new jacket that I have already caused to have to go to see Dry Cleaner Hoomuns and then started pacing from room to room and outside and around the garden. He gives me such a headache when he is like that! After a while a very large car pulled up outside which I could see had room for a K9 in the back, but The Owner jumped in and left me in the garden! I was not impressed about that and even tried my forlorn look to no avail. Some time later he returned full of bonhomie (and wine) and came through the gate. So I ran swiftly to greet him, my immediate attention was grabbed by the scent of another K9 about his person as I approached and, quick as a flash I ran straight past him and ran quickly round the middy puddle formerly known as his parking space in front of the cottage. He was unaware of my cunning plan, he thought I was doing my silly run to greet him! Back through the gate.... target acquired! Clean new white shirt beneath his jacket..... paws primed.... and launch! Bulls eye!!!! I thought the mud looked so good, contrasting wonderfully with the white of his shirt. He didn't seem pleased at all with me all afternoon and yesterday evening and the same silent treatment has continued today with just the one Bonio all day today. He is still sighing a lot every time he looks at me, even today. Not sure at the moment how long he is going to keep this up. It could be a quiet evening today as well. There he goes again, past the boot room door and yes there was another sigh. Hoomuns!!!!

Going Out!

We went out earlier today. Me and The Owner. I like going out, although it does seem to matter what The Owner is up to or what he is thinking as to how much I might enjoy it. So this morning we went out, me, The Owner and his mate in his mates bus thing. I like going out in The Owners mates bus as it has lots of places for me to sit. I can sit right in the back amongst his bags of bits, or I can sit on the seats in the middle. That is good fun too, as my hair gets in the car seats and then he is in trouble with his Lady Hoomun and his Hoomanettes. And then there is my absolute favourite place to sit, on the front seat coz I can sit there and lick the windscreen which is kinda fun as it makes my tongue feel funny. Although Owners Mate does complain loudly about it making a mess on the windscreen but I forgive him when he gives me a Bonio. You may remember my visitors last week, Photographer Hoomun and Lady Reporter Hoomun? Well, our mission for today has been to go around every newsagent in the area and buy loads of copies of the paper so that he can show everyone he knows when he was in the paper. The Owners Mate's Bus Thing was full of papers on the way back so I had to sit in the best spot of all, on the front seat and..... more windscreens to lick. They are my favourite! I think I am going to be aloud to sleep in the house tonight, the boot room is full of newspapers!