My Very Important Meeting

Yesterday was a very important day for me, I went to a meeting! The Owner came grumbling down the stairs early and then fell over the bottom step as is normal at our new cottage. Then he frowned at me very loudly and even waved his finger a little as he said "Now I want you on your best behaviour today Jack Labrador!" I always know it is serious when he calls me Jack Labrador. "You're coming with me to a meeting and I want no weeing up things, or burping in peoples faces or farting under the tables!". It was said in that manner which lead me to believe that I really ought to do as he asked. He put his very posh jacket on and selected my very posh lead and off we went. When we got to Swindon I kept my head down below the windows and particularly when we got the other side of Swindon as there are some very strange things go on there and they may have given me nightmares to be honest. After a very long way we arrived at this very posh place that had a man in a very silly hat at the front door. He told The Owner to get out of the car.... and that dog!!!!! I can see this is going to go downhill very rapidly with an attitude like that. Then Parking Yoof got in and drove The Owner's car away! I thought The Owner would have an opinion on the matter but he just smiled and turned and we walked inside. The first problem was shiny floors! I kept going over, in my mind, the list of things that The Owner told me I was not allowed to do. Just in case. Then Business Hoomun arrived and he made a fuss of me. Said he was pleased to meet "Someone of Breeding". I put it in quote marks to emphasise the sense of sarcasm that I was detecting in his voice. With coffee in hands, The Owner and Business Hoomun settled down and discussed important sounding things. After a while I got bored as I was unable to get any of the biscuits that were on the plate, so I did a little exploring of the neighbourhood. Imagine my surprise when I discovered a pond, inside! It was a big pond.... with fish in it! Well no one was in the pond so I reasoned I could do no harm so I jumped quietly in. Ok, so I did make a bit bigger splash than I had planned, but the hoomun with the funny hat was in a frightful paddy over something and on my second lap of the pond this big hand grabbed the scruff of my neck and hoisted me out. How undignified! Does he not know that I have breeding???? The Owner seemed less than impressed when he was asked to take "That Dog" and leave. Well, once you can forgive, but to be called "That Dog" twice, is just too much! So I wee'd up the reception desk as we left. I think his meeting must have been over anyway as we got in the car and headed for home, as the Hoomun with the funny hat kept shouting at us in a most uncharitable manner as we left the car park.

I hope we go to another meeting soon as I quite enjoyed the indoor ponds they have in those places!

A Visit to The Ford

I am in very deep doo doo and have been frowned at VERY loudly! 

Owners Daughter came up with Diesel Dog Daughter and their cousin MM Hoomun and we all went out in Owners Daughters car, with The Owner at the helm. It was all going swimmingly. We visited pubs, every one had to get out and push Owners Daughters car up a very steep hill. Except me that is, coz I have breeding and I don't do car pushing... and The Owner of course but that was just coz no one was brave enough to prize him away from the steering wheel. Then we got to a small stream which The Owner announced, in a very knowledgeable manner, that it was something called a Ford. Not sure why as it looked nothing like a car! Then Owners Daughter decided to take her shoes off and wander through the stream and that was where it all went downhill for me really. May I present the attached image as exhibit 1, in my defence. At the far end of the water were hoomuns..... and one of them smelled particularly of Bonio's..... and they looked friendly........and I was sat beside The Owner.......who took this picture. Well who in their right mind would want to go all the way round when you could go straight through?? Exactly! So I went straight through. And I felt that a bit of demented badger running, like I do for The Owner, would help in the process of getting a Bonio from those hoomuns. Well we did manage to dry Owners Daughters jeans out after an hour in the tumble dryer when we got her back to our new cottage. But then she grumbled quite a lot that they didn't fit her any more and that was somehow my fault too. Hoomuns!!!!

The Washing

In the new garden I have discovered a new post. It is a big post in just the right spot for me to wee up and it is close enough to the cottage that I can get a quick squirt to the right height to protect my territory and rush back to get my breakfast before The Owner has had a chance to forget me and not put it down. I came rushing out the other morning, mainly to see where he had gone, only to see him paying far too much attention to the length of string attached to the top of my weeing post. Well the reason I was rushing was that I had a good head of pressure which needed to be relieved a little. So before seeing what The Owner was up to I went straight up to my post and emptied most of the content of my bladder. Feeling much better, I noticed that The Owner was hanging loads of wet washing from the length of string attached to the top of my post. He hasn't noticed yet, but I suspect that he may be wanting to wash his shirts and boxer shorts again before he wears them. I have the strangest feeling that some, well OK, most of the contents of my bladder may not have hit my intended target. The post. Instead it seems to have made landfall on his plastic washing basket... full of wet washing which is now even wetter. I think it smells much better for my little accident but I have the strangest feeling that The Owner might not feel the same way about it. I am going to make myself scarce for a while I think. There is an old rotted tree in the field outside the garden hedge and the sun may be upon it by now.

Dingly Dell

At the top of our new garden there is a small patch of woods that The Owner keeps referring to as Dingly Dell. It backs on to the cricket pitch for your reference. The Owner had been overheard telling his hoomun friends how there is a stream running through Dingly Dell, so yesterday morning I decided that I would patrol Dingly Dell to see how good the stream was. Well, imagine my disappointment when I found that the stream had in fact succumbed to the recent lack of rainfall and gone the same way as the pond and dried out. However, I also noticed that if you really put your back into it and dig hard, you can find water, well mud really, about the depth of two Bonio boxes down. I kept digging to see if there was any real water down there and was really pleased to be able to report to The Owner that about three Bonio boxes down you do in fact find water. He will be pleased I thought as I ran back up through the garden and in to the kitchen to where he was putting away his best bone china. I found that my muddy paws were a little hard to control on the new white tiled floors in the kitchen at the new cottage and I did a little slither as I entered. Well ok, it was a bit more than a little slither if I am honest. More of a full on slide leaving a muddy skid mark all the way across the floor. Well they are tiles aren't they!!? That’s what tiles are for, washing! And I am sure he can get another bit of china to complete the set. Oh how I wish I had found his green felt tip pen too! The turmoil across his face as he really wanted to get the hosepipe out and the yard broom but he had no idea where to find it! We don’t appear to have got a boot room either now. I sleep in a sort of lobby with no door so I can still get into the rest of the house. I think I am liking this new cottage a lot!

The New Cottage

There have been many wonderful things to explore at the new cottage... and one or two surprises to be honest. After the recent few days home moving activities, The Owner has been looking a little stiff and has grumbled one more time than is usual every time he gets up off the floor. Yes it is the floor, just in case there are any of you wondering if I had written that wrong and should have said armchair. Struggle as he might The Owner was unable to get his sofa that I am allowed on through the back door. So after a while thinking, he announced to no one in particular that he is going to have a bath. I don’t do baths! The Owner was fiddling about in the one room downstairs I have yet to explore and then disappeared upstairs, presumably for his bath. Whilst he was out of the way I carried on my discovery activities around the new cottage. It was then that I noticed the door to the room I have yet to explore was left open a little so I stabbed my nose against it and wandered inside. Well, you could have knocked me down with an empty Bonio box! Inside was a pond! A big pond, inside the room, and full of water! This was an amazing turn-out this was! Our very own pond.... and inside the cottage! I approached the side of the pond carefully. Well you can never be too sure what is in a pond generally but a pond inside the cottage was worthy of extra caution I felt. I stuck my head cautiously over the side and noticed it was indeed full of clear water so I threw caution to the wind and launched myself over the side. Well, the water was warm and as I spluttered to the surface I became aware of a certain sense of indignation from The Owner who was now standing in the doorway wearing only a towel! “Jack Labrador!” he said to me. I immediately knew I was in trouble, he only calls me that when I am in trouble! “Jack Labrador, what on earth are you doing in my bath??” His hands are on his hips so it is really serious now! I was sure I heard him say the dreaded “B” word.... I did. He followed it up with “Get out of my damned bath!” He did use the B word! Bath!!!!! I have got into the bath!!! Oh my goodness! Bathrooms are meant to be upstairs and usually contain cloudy murky water after The Owner has finished with it. Not clean clear water like this!! Will I ever be able to hold my head up in K9 circles again?        which I am not anxious to witness!

The Move

When I awoke this morning, I got up, had a stretch, yawned a little, turned around to lay back down on my bed and it was gone!!! I think this could be a long day. The Owner is carving a solitary pathway down the road carrying boxes with his home in. (And my bed!) I opted to have a snooze on the sofa that I am allowed on in the absence of my bed but The Owner is now eyeing that up with a particularly vexatious look in his eye. Although how he is going to manage that on his own escapes me at the moment. The word tortoise comes to mind.

The Owner cut a solitary pathway backwards and forwards from the cottage to the new home and he was making me feel quite giddy just watching him. So I did the only thing sensible at a time like this and went and had a lay down, except I couldn't, because he had already stolen my comfy cushion and it was in a bag somewhere. So I went to look for another means of comfort when one is in need of a little reassurance but my Bonio bucket was also missing! This is getting more serious by the second!!! But all was not lost; as it got to coffee time and I was getting into quite a lather about where he was going to find a Bonio for me, the door burst open and in walked Owners Cuz TC...... with treats.....for me! And also Owners Cuz IM, but he had no Bonios for me so I have yet to form an opinion about him! Then out of the car clambered a familiar shape, Small Boy emerged and grumbled about lots of things. He must be related in some way to The Owner I am thinking. When Owners Daughter and Diesel Dog Daughter turned up too there was much activity and I opted to go and sit in the garden at the new cottage (not sure why it is called New Cottage as it looks quite old to me) and find a nice sunny spot somewhere. By the evening and when peace had returned once more to our world, order was decidedly absent. The Owner spent much of the evening looking for a cup and the kettle which was of no concern to me as it happens because I had more important things to consider. Like, where was my bed!!??? After a frantic search, assisted by The Owner, I was none the wiser and The Owner took a little pity on me and let me spend my first night ever in his bedroom... Lord that is a noisy place!!

The following day The Owner was on his own again plying his way backwards and forwards with boxes and bags over his shoulders. Some drivers on the road even tried a cheery wave when they saw him.... but only the once. With a growl like that as his only response, even I was not feeling brave enough to try anything for the second time. Although his frame of mind lifted a little when Owners Daughter and Diesel Dog Daughter arrived and announced he needed a pint. Now, this pub is near the canal and canals mean water! However, with his temper only marginally improved by the application of alcohol, I was not going to chance a quick dip into the murky waters and settled for safety and sat under his seat out of the way. I sense there is much to explore at the new cottage but I am not feeling brave enough yet to do so. I will keep you informed!

The Laptop and The Gatepost

I couldn't help myself this morning and for now the proverbial doo doo hasn't hit the fan... but it will!

Today is wheelie bin day and assuming it hasn't been melted again by The Owner, it needs to be put out for collection. Whilst the rest of the village remembers to put theirs out the previous night, The Owner only remembers to do his when he leaves the cottage and notices a green forest of the things down the road. So today when it is time to leave we go through the routine; walk out door.... pat pockets.... go back in and get the keys he has forgotten. Leave door.... pat pockets again.... go back in and retrieve phone from the charger and realise he didn't actually turn on the charger last night. Leave door and close this time.... get half way down path...pat pockets... return to door.....fumble in pockets for keys..... go in and retrieve glasses. Don't mock, that's better than normal! We normally get as far as the studio before we realise the glasses are still at home! Returning to the door with glasses he pauses as if in thought and then turns back to get MY laptop, puts it in his case and closes the door again. When we get to the gate I like to have a quick sniff and wee up the gatepost if necessary because the scent is no longer announcing to the passing world that Jack Labrador GD (failed) lives there. So I checked and felt that as there had been no rain last night it could probably go until tonight when we get home again. Outside the gate The Owner realised that ours is the only cottage in the road with no green wheelie bin outside so puts his laptop case down by the post and returns one last time for the green wheelie bin. I was fed up with going back and forth so loitered around the gate and found a suitable bit of hedge to wee on whilst I waited. Whilst wandering absent mindedly past the gate I thought that maybe I may have a quick wee on the post for good measure whilst I had the opportunity. Well I forgot!! Alright? And there wasn't that much wee got on his laptop case! The Owner returned dragging an argumentative green wheelie bin behind him, which was in a particularly uncooperative frame of mind this morning and put it outside the gate. He reached back in and grabbed the laptop and swung it up on to his shoulder. All the way to the studio I was being given periodical glances of an accusing nature but not the onslaught I had anticipated. So far today he hasn't been to MY laptop in his case so hasn't really noticed............. Yet! It is now after lunch and he has a meeting, which is presumably why he has brought the laptop with him. I have left him to it and I am heading for the peace and quiet of the calf sheds. I am predicting an imminent explosion, of The Owner variety, when he picks up the case off his desk. One which I am not particularly anxious to witness!