The Bus and the Bus Stop

Today I have had an adventure, and for those of you who are observing that my adventures of late have taken me into very different territory, you would be right and I am not so comfortable with it! Today I have been exploring and trying (desperately) to understand hoomuns in different places and circumstances. Today I was taken (on a lead and no pub rules applied here) down to the Bus Stop! I have never been on a bus before so I was perhaps understandably a little concerned when we got there. It seemed a little understated I thought, the Bus Stop. No doors, no curtains at the windows, in fact it was all windows, but I sat there, amongst some very strange deposits that even I could not have mustered, all over the floor. I was certainly not going to sniff that lot, I have breeding I do!! Then the bus turned up. Now I am seeing the connection here, Bus Stop and Bus, which stopped, but when it did the door opened and then it lowered itself! Well I was not about to get on that!! So The Owner had to carry me on, how embarrassing? We got to Chippenham on the Bus but he (Driver) did seem to stop more than The Owner when going to The Pub on a Friday night when trying to show off his latest car! We walked to an office (and not The Owners) from another Bus Stop, (there seems to be more than one) but when we got there the doors were shut, but as we walked up to it the door opened, on it's own! The Owner walked in but I was not about to follow, moving doors, no one opening them?? I was carried in, how embarrassing was that?? I felt vindicated and insulted at the same time, The Owner was told he couldn't bring me in, "That Dog was not allowed in"! Hello? I have breeding I do! As we walked out I wee'd on the door post as a mark of disdain, although looking at the door pillar there were quite a few stains as well as the disdain that I was depositing. I am guessing that he won't be getting that job either! When we got to the Bus Stop in Chippenham for our return trip I was a little more prepared for the strange things that happen with Buses, however I was not prepared for what happened next. The Owner tried to whisk me up the stairs!! I was not about to go up there!!!!! I was carried up the stairs, how embarrassing was that?After our return trip on the Bus, home was a welcome sight and a comforting Bonio was called for, well, ok two were called for! Now where is my comfy cushion?

The Train to Bath

Yesterday was a day of ups and downs. It started well, went through moments of terror and then finished on a high of chewie treats. The Owner took me to the station yesterday and I have never been to one of them before so I was particularly excited. I was a little confused at first as The Owner put me on a lead, I normally only wear a lead in the pub (pub rules) and it was quite early in the day for that. But then we jumped in a car and went to The Station. I use capital letters to add an air of gravitas. There were many posts all over the platform for me to wee up and I did my best! I didn't want to appear greedy and wee on them all but there was a group of small shiny posts all together so I thought I would just do them and call it a day. Well I've never seen a zimmer frame before and I felt Old Lady Hoomun made far too much of it to be honest! Fortunately the train arrived with a great deal to say on the matter and that was really quite exciting. Actually it was quite terrifying and a little bit of wee dribbled out which was a bit embarrassing. Station Master was a bit rude as well he said to The Owner, "Keep that dog away from the gap"!!!!! THAT DOG????? Does he not realise I was born on Lord Bath's estate? I have breeding! And I can assure you that I have no intention of falling down there, so I hopped in a particularly nimble fashion on to the train, just to prove a point. Well it was quite nice on the train, lots of hoomuns and they were all very friendly, apart from The Owner who just grumbled a lot but that was normal. Then, from nowhere, it happened!! "Bing bong bing! All those for Bath get off here!" Bath?!?!?!? Is that where we were going? All this way just to have a Bath!! Have I been duped???? Well I wasn't going to get off there, so I tried to hide under the seat. The Owner dragged me out from under there and lifted me onto the platform. I was not going to make this easy for him so he had to drag me across the platform and I left a long line of claw marks behind me. All the way to the stairs! I don't do baths!!! Well I think the bing bong bing hoomun was only teasing as we didn't have a bath, instead we went to a hotel for lunch and met Lady Chocolate Lab and Lady Chocolate Lab Owner so I thought it was a good day out on reflection. When we got back to the cottage last night The Owner got his post and did his usual mantra of head in hands and saying "How much?" but there was a big parcel there and I could see my name on it. My friend called BH7 had sent me some more chewie sticks!!! I like my friend from BH7! I just wish I knew who it was!

Some thoughts on a Bluetooth!

Well today I thought The Owner had finally lost it! There are a few, less charitable than myself and probably without the breeding either, who have eluded to The Owner having lost it ages ago. If indeed he ever had it in the first place. I have always chosen to hold on to the hope that whatever "it" is, there may be a small shadow of "it" still residing in there somewhere. Particularly when in hope of a Bonio, have I mentioned that I am really quite fond of the odd Bonio? He has been shopping again and I could tell from the manic giggling and chortling from the front of the car on the way back that he had bought himself something that had piqued his interest and fired his imagination. A dangerous combination I have come to realise! We arrived back at the cottage and there was much ripping of cardboard followed by a great deal of words that I pretend not to understand. The cross words were caused by the standard of packaging and the packagers ability to hide the little tab to pull on, by which it all seems to come undone. I found just such a tab one day on The Owner's jumper and it all came undone very easily after a quick tug on that. He was in a frightful bait after that too! After first using his thumbnail, then his teaspoon, followed by his pen knife he eventually finished up by retrieving his hammer from the shed and beating it into submission as he does on every other occasion when packaging gets the better of him. It was at this point I noticed the rather odd behaviour start, all the previous behaviour being normal for him. I thought at first he was talking to someone, but there was no-one there. I thought then that perhaps he was talking to me but as I have not got any bricks for him to order let alone deliver them for him by Friday I guessed that he was not talking to me either. His new toy and best friend is a new Bluetooth Jawbone headset, I know, because he has been ringing everyone up whilst standing beside the washing machine when it is spinning and saying to them can you hear that? Then laughing uncontrollably as he explains that the washing machine (nearly as demonic as the ruddy Dyson) is right beside him and working flat out. He has even been knocking on the front door to get me to bark loudly and snarl a bit whilst on his "Bluetooth Jawbone". After the tenth time of doing that (maybe more, I lost count) I have stolen it from the coffee table when he wasn't looking and buried it in the garden! That should have put paid to the problem for a while although he is now rushing around upending all the furniture and other stuff looking for it, which is nearly as distracting as when he was using it! Next I predict he will be arguing with the insurance call centre and swearing about merekats again. Today shows all the promise of a day without any peace at all. I think I may go and snuggle up with the calves in the straw bales. True, they do make quite a bit of noise, but it may be quieter than here!

The Pet Shop

Today we have been to Town. Now I am in the boot room and The Owner is miaowing at me which I think is very childish and immature! It is that time when my food bin requires refilling and because he created a fuss at my favourite shop of all time, about the labelling of the prices on the shelves not agreeing with the prices on the till, we are unable to buy my food from there ever again. Together with the garden centre and several other shops locally. So we went to Town to find another food shop and I have to say I reeeeeally liked this one. He put me on a lead when we got out of the car which usually means we are going to the pub and I was a little concerned that this far from home might be a problem if he had too much to drink and we had to walk home. But I needn't have worried! After a short walk through Town, where there were lots of lamp posts to wee up and stuff, we arrived at Pet Shop and went in. It smelled really good in there but The Owner was particularly interested in the shelf above my head height where there was lots of things for dogs, including dog whistles (we have three already) and it was then that I noticed that along the floor at my head height were lots of bins with interesting things in. One bin with pigs ears in (thank you very much, just the one then), then we moved along a little (loose Bonio's, one for now and keep one for later thank you). Then we moved a bit further and there was loose Shapes biscuits (just a couple then). Next move, chewy sticks (ok then, if I am quick). The next bin had something I had never seen before and proved to be my undoing. In it was this grey stuff, quite fine and powdery I thought, so I had a quick chomp of a sample. It was then I started to cough and it attracted the attention of Pet Shop Hoomun. It would seem that K9's aren't meant eat cat litter apparently! Well how was I to know!?!?! The Owner had to pay for the rest of my lunchtime snack which Pet Shop Yoof had been noting on his pad, which brought on an attack of the vapours, together with my bag of food. With the extra expense, he dispensed with the other things he had picked up to buy, including another dog whistle, but he had to resist the temptation to refer the whole process to Watchdog on the BBC as there aren't any other Pet Shops around here that he isn't banned from. So now, every time he passes the boot room door, he is miaowing at me. Hoomuns can be so childish sometimes. Well, The Owner can be!

The Clean Kitchen Floor

The Owner has a new best friend, and whenever he gets a new best friend I manage to find myself in trouble. After his particular insensitivity yesterday to my predicament with the icy pond and then his subsequent taunting me with that ruddy Dyson, I was feeling a little less than charitable towards him. Then this morning, from the depths of his shopping bags that he didn't get around to putting away yesterday, he produced a pack of floor wipes. I had slept on my lack of charity towards The Owner overnight, aided more than a little by The Owner allowing me to sleep inside and not in that cold and draughty boot room and so was feeling a lot more forgiving. After coffee this morning he takes his new best friend and attacks the kitchen floor, although I couldn't help but feel he may have been better off starting at the far end and working his way to the door rather than the other way around. After much hard labour he sat in the only corner left uncleaned looking generally pleaased with himself. Now I had noticed that when Lady Chocolate Lab Owner used to visit and The Owner had worked hard or achieved something worthy of merit she would give him a hug and then slobber all over his face as hoomuns tend to do, I have noticed. She, being not a fixture here any longer after he got a little unsteady on his feet one night at the pub on a business meeting and knocked the stool over and upset Vic R, I thought I ought to at least go and reward him with a fuss. Well I had absolutely no idea there was mud on my paws! And anyway, it was only a little bit of mud. Not worth the fuss I thought! I may not have spent last night in the boot room but it appears I am going to make up for it today and I am feeling less than charitable towards him again now. I have managed to find his jacket he wears to meetings and dragged it out and on to the floor. I'll give him muddy paws!!!!

Frozen Ponds and other Cold Stuff!

Well, morning patrol is over and I am gainfully employed finding a comfy square of carpet to lay upon near the fire (when The Owner can be bothered to light it), together with imaginative ways of avoiding the ruddy Dyson. Which, incidentally, is still throwing all the dust it sucks up out through the vents and depositing it on the furniture, but The Owner clearly feels it makes a difference. I can still hear The Owner's laughter ringing in my ears at the look of confusion and befuddlement upon my face when I got to the pond a little earlier. I was feeling a bit frisky this morning as we strode purposefully out of the cottage and down the icy path where The Owner couldn't be bothered to clear the snow and just packed it down as he walked on it. I had a quick wee up my tree for good measure and launched forth from the gate and came face to face with Postman who was clearly as surprised to see me as I was him, judging by the way we both slithered a little and then fell in a big heap on the frozen puddle. He recovered himself and gave me a particularly hard stare which I felt was a little uncalled for and thrust some brown envelopes in The Owner's hand, which I suspect will mean more of his head in hands "How Much? mantra later. The Owner, with his collar up and hands stuffed firmly in his pockets, shuffled off down the road whilst I ran like a demented badger surveying my territory. There is an interloper at the moment called Jack Collie Dog who occasionally wee's on some of my posts but I am faster than him and I can wee higher, so no damage there then. We soon came to the pond, and the cause of my ire this morning. As I said, I was feeling a bit frisky, so I thought I would launch forth into the water and make a big splash. Well I didn't know it was going to be frozen!!!!!!! I was sailing through the air, paws out-stretched, waiting for the splash when I made contact with ice and left a series of score marks from my claws in the ice as I pirouetted across the surface and came to a halt under the tree. Where, after a strange cracking sound the ice gave way and deposited me very unceremoniously into the water. The Owner laughed loudly at my predicament and pointed a lot as I clambered out of the ice and up the bank by the tree. I'm afraid all friskiness had departed my spirit at this point and I skulked home and left The Owner to finish the patrol alone. I think he walks like a camel anyway, and if he'd stop laughing long enough for me to get close I feel sure he would smell like one as well!

Another Cozy Night by the Fireside

Another cozy night by the fireside.