Skinners Lady Hoomun Visits

Yesterday I made a new friend, and I have the distinct feeling she is going to be my bestest friend ever!!! The Owner said that I had to behave myself properly (like I could do anything else) as he was expecting an important visitor! So I resisted the temptation to roll in anything when out on patrol, or jump in the pond, or get to chasing across the field down near the lakes that is so muddy The Owner can't get across it. I particularly like that field because I can run around like a demented badger and get particularly muddy and there is nothing The Owner can do to stop me. Although, to be honest, life isn't worth living for a while when I get back as he gets in a right old strop with me but it is always worth it where there is mud involved. But I resisted! Then a big car pulled up outside and a lady hoomun got out and came in to the studio. The Owner was busy waving that cautionary finger at me which meant I should think long and hard on the merits of what I am about to do and work out whether the pain will justify the gain. To be honest it normally does but the little K9 in my head which urges me to do far too many things was telling m not to this time. So Skinners Lady Hoomun arrived and the first thing she did was give me a gravy bone. I was smitten! I waved my paws in the air and she gave me another telling me it was my last one.... and then gave me another. This was going well I thought. Coffee was being made so I got a Bonio from The Owner....... and another gravy bone from Skinners Lady Hoomun!!!! :) It was all going very well and The Owner was smiling a lot too. 

Today there has been a delivery! Two large bags of my food have arrived.... and the name on the side? Skinners!!!!!! Are the two things connected? Haven't a clue but I am in lurve I think.... with two bags of food! 

I will be watching them intently today!

The Rain!

Yesterday, being a Sunday was a gentle start in the cottage. I went out, just to relieve the pressure, and was confronted by a wall of rain falling from the sky and the gutter above the boot room door and resolved there and then that it was going to be the last time I went out there again that day. Nasty stuff, rain! So I busied myself indoors, alternating between snoozing on my comfy cushion, snoozing in front of the fire and snoozing on the sofa curled up beside The Owner whilst he read the Sunday Papers. There was little ranting about them, which was unusual, so there couldn't have been anyone in them that he disapproved of. I did venture to open an eye occasionally and glance at the windows and observed much rain still falling against the windows, so closed it again rapidly. Eventually The Owner gets up, stretches, and rummages in the cupboard for his boots. This time (unusually) nothing else came tumbling out, which is the normal way of things I have come to notice. He normally gets his boots out and then has to throw all the other bits and bobs that have made a bid for freedom back in and shut the door quick. This all pointed to one thing, he was going to become very insistent that we were going to have to go out on patrol! It is still raining out there!!! I am a dog with breeding, dogs with breeding don't do rain!!! So I hid at first but he was having none of it. He dragged me out into the rain and out into the fields. This is not good, I am getting wet here!! Across the fields we squelched, water dripping off the end of my nose whilst I walked five yards behind him. Not out of any idea of respect or servitude, just that I didn't want to be out in the rain and wet and was dreaming of warming myself beside the fire later when we got back. At one point he stood under a tree up on the hill to shelter a little from the rain. Look, am I missing something here? There is a perfectly good cottage down there.... and it is all the shelter I need. But on we trudged! Eventually we turn for home, but not before I am so wet that, if I wore any, the water would have been running out of the seat of my pants. The only good bit about the whole wretched saga was that the pond was full and I got to play in it for a while. Until he started grumbling about getting wet stood there waiting for me.

Now it is snowing outside and I have to walk home through that!!

The Clean White Shirt

Yesterday I was impressed with my own quick thinking. Lightning reactions I had! Decisions were made in the blink of an eye! Why is it though that decisions made like that always seem to have such far reaching, yet unforeseen, consequences? Yesterday morning The Owner was up early and was flitting around the cottage in his domestic duties pinny. You really don't want to know what else he was wearing! He was busy doing his best to vacuum all the dust up, only for it to be deposited somewhere else by that demonic Dyson The more I see of it the more I am convinced that it is of the devil and that I was always right to be very wary of it. With all the dust now removed from the floor and placed deftly on the dining table by that ruddy Dyson, The Owner turned his attention to the bath. He came down a while later wearing his work meeting trousers and his posh new jacket that I have already caused to have to go to see Dry Cleaner Hoomuns and then started pacing from room to room and outside and around the garden. He gives me such a headache when he is like that! After a while a very large car pulled up outside which I could see had room for a K9 in the back, but The Owner jumped in and left me in the garden! I was not impressed about that and even tried my forlorn look to no avail. Some time later he returned full of bonhomie (and wine) and came through the gate. So I ran swiftly to greet him, my immediate attention was grabbed by the scent of another K9 about his person as I approached and, quick as a flash I ran straight past him and ran quickly round the middy puddle formerly known as his parking space in front of the cottage. He was unaware of my cunning plan, he thought I was doing my silly run to greet him! Back through the gate.... target acquired! Clean new white shirt beneath his jacket..... paws primed.... and launch! Bulls eye!!!! I thought the mud looked so good, contrasting wonderfully with the white of his shirt. He didn't seem pleased at all with me all afternoon and yesterday evening and the same silent treatment has continued today with just the one Bonio all day today. He is still sighing a lot every time he looks at me, even today. Not sure at the moment how long he is going to keep this up. It could be a quiet evening today as well. There he goes again, past the boot room door and yes there was another sigh. Hoomuns!!!!

Going Out!

We went out earlier today. Me and The Owner. I like going out, although it does seem to matter what The Owner is up to or what he is thinking as to how much I might enjoy it. So this morning we went out, me, The Owner and his mate in his mates bus thing. I like going out in The Owners mates bus as it has lots of places for me to sit. I can sit right in the back amongst his bags of bits, or I can sit on the seats in the middle. That is good fun too, as my hair gets in the car seats and then he is in trouble with his Lady Hoomun and his Hoomanettes. And then there is my absolute favourite place to sit, on the front seat coz I can sit there and lick the windscreen which is kinda fun as it makes my tongue feel funny. Although Owners Mate does complain loudly about it making a mess on the windscreen but I forgive him when he gives me a Bonio. You may remember my visitors last week, Photographer Hoomun and Lady Reporter Hoomun? Well, our mission for today has been to go around every newsagent in the area and buy loads of copies of the paper so that he can show everyone he knows when he was in the paper. The Owners Mate's Bus Thing was full of papers on the way back so I had to sit in the best spot of all, on the front seat and..... more windscreens to lick. They are my favourite! I think I am going to be aloud to sleep in the house tonight, the boot room is full of newspapers!

A "Dump of Snow"

It is a quiet start to a Saturday morning here at the cottage. The Owner is sitting with his second large mug of tea watching the news and hasn't even shouted at the presenters yet! I believe he is setting himself up to count the number of birds on his bird table for the annual RSPB bird count. Not sure why, last year there wasn't one bird landed on the bird table. I know this to be true as I was sat underneath it watching intently! But I have just heard a report on the breakfast news which I feel I need to disassociate myself from. Our snow has largely gone overnight but there are many pictures of cars getting stuck in the snow and Reporter Hoomun has just announced there was a large dump in the snow last night and I would just like to point out that I was in no way responsible!!! I confined my activities in the dumping department to the top of the garden and after a quick sniff scratched some dead leaves over it so that The Owner doesn't know it is there until he has trod in it.

On Reporters and Photographers

This week I have had visitors! (And lots of Bonios of course.) First there was this young lady hoomun who I think The Owner referred to as Lady Reporter Hoomun. She was mere putty in the hands of one so experienced in the art of Bonio extraction as I. The tally was running at three in half an hour! The Owner pretended not to mind at all, although he was quite clearly counting them up because he short-changed me a bit in the evening Bonio department. The Owner liked her as she laughed at all his jokes, whether she understood them or not and there are few who would do that for him. Most smile and say "Right....." and then he has to explain them by which time they are not funny any more. Then the next day Photographer Hoomun arrived with a camera which had the longest lens ever! Honestly, if he stood it on end it would have been tall enough for even Monkey Dog Thing to have cocked his leg on it! He also gave me a Bonio out of my Bonio bucket so he went straight up in my estimation. Then came the problem! He wanted to take pictures of The Owner and got out this very posh bag which was filled with lots of little bags with interesting camera type things in... and sandwiches... which were very interesting! The Owner was told to go and sit on a big log whilst Photographer Hoomun took lots of pictures so I had a quick sniff at the bag where he left it on the ground outside the studio door. Photographer Hoomun said "Oi, Gerroff!" to me. I pretended not to understand the insult this time round. Well you always give the benefit of the doubt the first time round don't you? In case they have no understanding of my obvious breeding. He followed it by addressing The Owner with "Can you get THAT dog sat in front of you and behaving himself?" That was war! I sat with The Owner as requested for a few pictures, then Photographer Hoomun said to The Owner, "Can we get his best side? Does he have a best side?". That's Ok, I can wait... The Owner started regaling him with all his stories about how he was a photographer many years ago, (which he made up as he went along) so whilst he was distracted I went to his bag, helped myself to his packet of sandwiches and wee'd in his bag. He didn't notice, when he threw his bag in his car, the stream of wee dribbling out of the bottom of his bag. But I guess he will later! :)

The Owners Journey to Work (and I still don't like the snow!).

Oh joy of joys! Let joyousness abound! It's been snowing overnight! Morning patrol was as far as the first post big enough that I could wee up and then straight back indoors for breakfast. Eventually I guess it had to happen, The Owner puts his crusty old Barbour jacket on and his boots, thermal gloves and extra socks inside his boots ready to go outside. What do I get?? A pat on the head! As if that makes it any better!!! I did, reluctantly, venture outside the front door and The Owner was nowhere to be seen. Then there was a big thud on the top of my head as the first snowball hit me. It's going to be one of those days I can tell! So I ran for the gate, just to avoid the heap of snowballs The Owner had already made and got laying in a heap at his feet and which I have the strangest feeling have my name on them. Arriving at the gate, rapidly, I discover that the brakes aren't working properly either this morning, so I slid on my back straight into it. Oh the mirth and hilarity I had to endure over that one! The tables were turned slightly when we got out on to the road as the soles of his boots weren't built for snow any more and he had left his new patrol boots at the office. He did stay upright....just! But that was more by luck than judgement I fear. Imagine the scene... two precarious steps forward and then wave both arms about as if impersonating a windmill whilst he regains his balance. Two more steps and then more windmill waving as he grabs the branches overhanging the hedge for support, which break away in his hand. Then more windmill waving whilst he gets his feet onto the heap of snow that formally was known as the grass bank, where he rests for a while. Then two more steps etc. I left him to it and slid and slithered my own way to the studio and sat in the dry by the firewood store whilst I awaited his lengthy arrival. I am looking forward to going home time as it happens, when hopefully he will be lighting the fire. In the meantime I will be curled up on a duvet behind the electric fire and under the desk if anyone wants me. And no I don't need a wee! Just in case anyone has any bright ideas on such matters.