A Tail of Two Fires

What a busy time we have had, The Owner and me! Well actually it is The Owner who has been the busy one and I have been gainfully employed in keeping out of the way as it happens. Two things, and both, strangely, to do with fire! You may remember how Toaster got a little bit over the top in trying to upset The Owner's day at the start by burning his toast , along with much of the kitchen hanging cupboards. Well, I knew it had overstepped the mark and I was right, it was unceremoniously dropped in the wheelie bin. I wee'd on the bin later to signify my wish to be seen as siding with The Owner in his decision, just in case I overstep the mark myself one day and hope that he will remember and not throw me in there as well! So a visit to B&Q was in order for new units (and a sausage from Burger Van Hoomun when The Owner wasn't watching) after a quick stop by Curry's for a new toaster! When we returned home there was much unpacking of boxes and it was all going well until he went to get his electric drill/screwdriver. Battery flat! Boxes cleared away and wine bottle produced to while away the hour waiting for the charger to do its thing. I couldn't help but wonder whether the wine was a mistake, as we now have wall units that even I can see are not level. So much so that all the cups move to one side of the cupboard and the door keeps falling open! Now, the next fire. You may recall the eviction of my woodburner and the reinstatement of the open fire, together with all the hazards associated with it, like sparks and hot embers....oh yes, and smoke! The Owner has been back to B&Q and bought some bricks and some mud to stick them together with, and a big piece of metal (and another sausage from Burger Van Hoomun, but don't tell The Owner!). After much screwing (screwdriver charged up this time and no wine!) The Owner had fixed this big piece of metal across the top of the fireplace and then mixed up some of that mud stuff in the fireplace to stick all the bricks together. I feel Lady Cleaner Hoomun may have an opinion on mixing mud indoors when she comes later in the week but we'll see. The Owner arranged all the bricks and was very upset that some of them smell of wee! Now you see why I have kept out of the way? Well it was a heap of bricks in the garden and they are usually fair game for weeing up! After much banging and mixing The Owner stood up to survey the fruits of his labours and I must admit it did look quite nice and he ruffled the hair on my head and said "There we are Jack, that should stop the smoke!". So that was what this was all about! It didn't! Now I have mud, which The Owner calls Seement, stuck in my hairs on top of my head as well and I am worried in case I am seen out and about until I can get it out of my hair!