Jack Two Baths

Last night I was becoming a little concerned about The Owner, he is such a worry! He kept saying to me "You're going to smell soooooo nice tomorrow!". I think I smell perfectly ok anyway, but how could he know about this morning by last night??I pondered on this all night, sat in the bootroom. It didn't keep me awake as such, the fridge did that! I am sure it gets noisier!! Well, I got up this morning, still pondering, and chased The Owner for my breakfast. He was grinning at me in a particularly malicious fashion which unnerved me a little, I had a bath! Twice!!!!! I was whisked off my feet with no regard for my dignity and carried upstairs. As soon as he does that it is sure to end in tears and I do my best to ensure the tears are his and not minebut I was deposited without due ceremony in THE BATH!!! With lavender (yuk and phew) bubble bath!!!! I can feel nightmares coming on for tonight already! I think I may be in trouble later when he goes to bed, when I jumped out of the bath I ran across the landing and had a quick trip around his bedroom and across the bed. I ran down the stairs and out into the garden at which point I couldn't help notice that there was a dollop of badger poo in the woods at the top of the garden and, well, sort of,.............................well........................................rolled in it. I couldn't help it! I did notice that my second bath of the morning, in the pond since you ask, was a little cooler than the first bath. Devoid of any badger poo on the shoulder The Owner made me walk to heel all the way to the Village Hall. There was lots of people there, nearly as many as I saw in Lundun last week and many of them seemed to be very friendly (unlike The Owner who had a very unfriendly scowl). I had the feeling I was some kind of celebrity! That was until I was shut in a cage in the back of Lectrician Hoomuns car. In a cage!!!!!!!!!!!! I have breeding I do!! Had I mentioned that I was born and trained on Lord Bath's estate? The good thing was that The Owner didn't realise that I was being fed lots of cake through the bars of the cage in which I had been incarcerated. I wonder what's for tea?