A Return to The Garden Centre

Well what a busy day we have had today! The Owner was charging around the house, first thing this morning, like a whirling dervish, with first the cleaning cloths and dusters and then to follow up with the ruddy Dyson. This kind of activity early on a Sunday morning can only mean one thing, we have visitors! And so it came to pass. Nearing lunch time, with The Owner showing beads of sweat across his brow, the door burst open and the darkened shape of Owners Daughter was here, hands on hips and already frowning very loudly. Inspection was passed with flying colours it would seem and Owners Daughters frown lessened considerably to the point where I could have sworn I heard her laughing! 

Then came the words which made me shudder to my very core. Owners Daughter wanted to go to...... The Garden Centre!!! Now, the last time The Owner went there he was asked to leave and the Lady Manager Hoomun told him never to return. This had all the hallmarks of the start to a bad afternoon! 

We arrived and The Owner jumped out of the car in a rather athletic fashion and virtually ran across the car park in his urgency to get inside. This could all go horribly wrong I feared, but we got through the doors without incident and I breathed a sigh of relief. So I wee'd over some flowers in a very big pot. I did notice a short while later they were looking a bit peeky but concluded that it must be down to the windy nature of the weather today. Then came the start of the whole downward slide of the events of the afternoon. Under a big tent was two very big and very long tables and a kind of tunnel was formed between the two by a bench across the top. This very big and very long structure was covered in hundreds of pots with flowers in them, Then The Owner got down on his hands and knees and crawled along the tunnel covered with pots with plants. Every time he was crawling past little old ladies looking at the plants, in his best squeaky voice that was clearly intended to sound like a plant, he was calling out "Buy me! Buy me! Please buy me!" The talking plant table was causing quite a stir around the garden centre as word got round. The Owner was clearly warming to his task as his messages got more elaborate. I sat in the corner, out of the way, with just a little morbid curiosity about how this was going to end. The one thing of which I was certain was that it would not end well. 

Having scared off the little old ladies from one end The Owner decided to move his attentions to the far end of the table to where there was still old ladies who hadn't fainted or wet themselves because of his efforts. You remember he was on all fours? Well he still managed to trip over a hosepipe and did a barrel roll that many an action hero would have been proud of and pushed the very big and very long tables apart and the whole lot came crashing down. Oh the shame of it!! Owners Daughter went and made herself scarce. I went and hid behind the big tent and just peeked around the corner, The Owner sat there surrounded by fallen and broken tables with pot plants and compost all around him. Some of it was even on his head. All the time he was shouting "I am not a number!", although I have no idea why. 

That was when Lady Manager Hoomun came striding down the corridor frowning even louder that Owners Daughter can. I opted for the safe option and went back to the car, when I got there Owners Daughter was already there, slurping on an ice cream. She had a second one in her hand which she offered to me saying "There you are Jack, he won't be wanting this for a while I think." When The Owner did return, he quietly got in the car clutching a little brown envelope which he wouldn't show to Owners Daughter. All the way home all he would say was "It was only a bit of harmless fun! No need to ban me!" As far as I can see he was already banned, so it wasn't going to make that much difference really.