Need I say more?
Sunday, 12 February 2012
Saturday, 4 February 2012
The Dyson has Started its Demise I Hope
The Owner dragged my nemesis out from it's weekly hibernation and plugged it in. I don't hang around long enough to have any opinion on the way he uses it or anything further like that, I find somewhere to get out of the way of this demonic invention! Anywhere or anything will do for this purpose, I once tried to get behind the cooker out of the way. Now I know you are thinking to yourself that there isn't room behind the cooker, but you never know until you try do you? Today I was a little more brave than normal and was peering round the corner of the bench in the hallway and bravely watched his activity. It was then I witnessed the first nail in the Dyson's coffin as with a loud pop the Dyson, The Owner and everything in the dining room disappeared in a large cloud of fine white dust. Now I couldn't help but wonder if that was meant to happen? I was soon answered by the amount of rude words that The Owner was using! After much banging and dismantling The Owner triumphantly produced a filter that he clearly was unaware of being in it and pronounced to no one in particular that this was the root of the problem and put the ruddy Dyson back together again. He seemed to be of the opinion that he could finish terrorising me without the filter and was clearly pleased with his efforts as several little treats I had hidden about the dining room disappeared with a loud rattle up the pipe. I watched with some interest as it appeared to me to be a very clever way of doing things. All the bigger lumps were sucked up and collected in the clear box thing whilst all the fine dust was blown out of the vents and deposited on the table and the settee, indeed anywhere above ground level. I thought that was very good as I didn't have to walk in it and it was all out of the way above the kind of level where I can be normally blamed for anything. The Owner soon turned around and started using lots of rude words again so I guessed he hadn't intended that to happen. He is now trying to find a way of warming his hands, does anyone have a useful suggestion of thawing out my water bowl?
Friday, 30 December 2011
Visiting Lots of Hoomun Friends
Yesterday I had a very good day! So much I did, so many people I saw, so many places I hadn't seen for far too long.
It started the previous evening when The Owner arrived back at the cottage in Phlee Dog Owner's car, but then left it out the front of the cottage and came in and went to bed. Early the following morning he was up again and he put me in the back of Phlee Dog Owner's car (I love cars, they are my favourite and I was so excited I had to wee up the gate post) and off we went, a long way, and then we picked up Diesel Dog Daughter! He drove a little bit further and then I was left in the car on my own, that was ok too as I like cars, had I mentioned that? When he returned he had not only Diesel Dog Daughter with him but Small Boy as well! Although he did smell of hospitals! We left Small Boy in the car park, I think he must have had an ooops and was being punished and in the absence of a boot room I guess the car park was next best thing. The Owner must have forgiven him as we soon went back for him and he had a bag with him this time so we all went to Owners Dad's next.
I managed to thieve some of Cat's food before The Owner chased me off so that was good. Then Horse turned up! Horse brought Owner's Sister and Mechanic too! Yet more excitement was to follow when Diesel Dog Daughter gave me a present which I was, frankly, less than enamoured with! Nail clippers for the K9! A bath one day, claws trimmed the next! This was not turning out so well! It turned out far worse for Horse when Owners Sister picked up my K9 nail clippers and turned towards Horse with a, frankly, far too gleeful look in her eye for my liking!
I offer the picture as a sort of before and after image. This was me after my nails had been trimmed and before Owners Sister pounced upon Horse. You will notice my neatly manicured claws and the somewhat unkempt condition of Horse's claws. All in all a thoroughly rewarding day, marred only by the brief incident with the nails. Oh yes, and the slightly regrettable incident with Owners Dad's sherry glass when Cat realised I was there.
Bath Time Again
That's it! I am officially over Christmas! I am over hoomuns! I am over The Owner!
The Owner, as already reported, was up in a strange frame of mind this morning. I soon learned why when he stole my comfy cushion and put it in the washing machine. The day got worse, he disappeared upstairs to "Make myself beautiful!" as he puts it. I chose a small square of carpet to curl up on in the absence of my comfy cushion whilst he was out of the way. Then suddenly I hear him calling me from upstairs. Well after my experience at Volvo Hoomun's house yesterday where I discovered that there are sometimes armchairs and stuff upstairs I was eager to check it out so went off upstairs in answer to his call. That was when I discovered his betrayal! He put me in the bath!!!! He seems to think he can justify it by telling me I smell sweeter, I think I smell like a camel. When he reached out of the bathroom door to get my towel he left a little crack in the door unguarded and I escaped. I take a little solace from being able to get dirty water sprayed up the landing walls, the stairwell walls, the dining room, the kitchen and it's probably best that I don't mention the living room here as it's appearance seems to bring on an attack of the vapours from The Owner.
The Owner, as already reported, was up in a strange frame of mind this morning. I soon learned why when he stole my comfy cushion and put it in the washing machine. The day got worse, he disappeared upstairs to "Make myself beautiful!" as he puts it. I chose a small square of carpet to curl up on in the absence of my comfy cushion whilst he was out of the way. Then suddenly I hear him calling me from upstairs. Well after my experience at Volvo Hoomun's house yesterday where I discovered that there are sometimes armchairs and stuff upstairs I was eager to check it out so went off upstairs in answer to his call. That was when I discovered his betrayal! He put me in the bath!!!! He seems to think he can justify it by telling me I smell sweeter, I think I smell like a camel. When he reached out of the bathroom door to get my towel he left a little crack in the door unguarded and I escaped. I take a little solace from being able to get dirty water sprayed up the landing walls, the stairwell walls, the dining room, the kitchen and it's probably best that I don't mention the living room here as it's appearance seems to bring on an attack of the vapours from The Owner.
Chrisssmuss Morning in Swindon
Well yesterday answered several questions in my quest to understand the hoomun condition but posed several other conundrums for which I have absolutely no explanation!
Yesterday, The Owner came down the stairs as usual, except it was without the customary grumbling, he was singing! Singing about a Silent Night, which with his nocturnal grumblings and snoring is something unheard of in these parts. When I was let out of the boot room it came as something of a shock as he was wearing a piece of tinsel! Little else as it happened, as he fumbled around in the tumble dryer for his robe which he had forgotten to take out last night. Well if that was a bad way to start the day it got better, saying far too many "Yo ho ho's" to be plausible he presented me with the remains of my kangaroo chews that were posted to me from Oztraylia and also a packet of chews from my anonymous admirer known only as BH7 (Could be Blood Hound although I don't think they are numbered). I was immediately in trouble as The Owner left both packets unguarded whilst he made himself tea. Well they were mine!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been particularly careful not to twitch in my sleep ever since so as not to give The Owner any ammunition about Skippy again! We were collected soon by Volvo Hoomun and taken to his house, which appeared to be near Swindon! I like visiting houses, even in Swindon, so I wee'd up the door post to let others know I am about and went in, where I met Lady Volvo Owner, Volvo Daughter and Mother. They fed The Owner and made him wear a paper hat which made him look quite silly but he didn't seem to mind. I have made a note that there wasn't even a sausage for me, reprisals may follow! I was then allowed upstairs!!! They didn't have beds for me to lie on with duvets and stuff upstairs but they had armchairs! Even I know that armchairs go downstairs! As I believe I may have mentioned before, anything seems to go when you are in Swindon! Compton Bassett seems a very safe place to be I think, you know where you stand when you are in Compton Bassett.
Yesterday, The Owner came down the stairs as usual, except it was without the customary grumbling, he was singing! Singing about a Silent Night, which with his nocturnal grumblings and snoring is something unheard of in these parts. When I was let out of the boot room it came as something of a shock as he was wearing a piece of tinsel! Little else as it happened, as he fumbled around in the tumble dryer for his robe which he had forgotten to take out last night. Well if that was a bad way to start the day it got better, saying far too many "Yo ho ho's" to be plausible he presented me with the remains of my kangaroo chews that were posted to me from Oztraylia and also a packet of chews from my anonymous admirer known only as BH7 (Could be Blood Hound although I don't think they are numbered). I was immediately in trouble as The Owner left both packets unguarded whilst he made himself tea. Well they were mine!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been particularly careful not to twitch in my sleep ever since so as not to give The Owner any ammunition about Skippy again! We were collected soon by Volvo Hoomun and taken to his house, which appeared to be near Swindon! I like visiting houses, even in Swindon, so I wee'd up the door post to let others know I am about and went in, where I met Lady Volvo Owner, Volvo Daughter and Mother. They fed The Owner and made him wear a paper hat which made him look quite silly but he didn't seem to mind. I have made a note that there wasn't even a sausage for me, reprisals may follow! I was then allowed upstairs!!! They didn't have beds for me to lie on with duvets and stuff upstairs but they had armchairs! Even I know that armchairs go downstairs! As I believe I may have mentioned before, anything seems to go when you are in Swindon! Compton Bassett seems a very safe place to be I think, you know where you stand when you are in Compton Bassett.
The Kangaroo Chews
The Owner is being a little uncharitable towards me today and keeps calling me Skippy!
Yesterday a big parcel arrived from Oztralia. Now I have noticed just north of here is a place call New Zealand and The Owner tells me that Oztrailia is near New Zealand so I ought to try and keep an eye open to see the signs when next we go that way. In this parcel was some K9 chews with Kangaroo on the packet. Well I have looked them up on the laptop at home and they are indeed some strange looking critters! I mean, what happened to the rest of their front legs?!! So while The Owner was out of the way, and the packet of Kangaroo chews were unguarded, I nibbled the corner of the packet and "Borrowed" one. Well they were mine!!!! Sherlock Holmes (AKA, The Owner) of course noticed straight away. How does he do that whenever I have been doing stuff he thinks I shouldn't do? Kangaroo chew inside me and telling off out of the way I opted to go and have a lie down on my comfy cushion, just for a few minutes. Well I fell asleep didn't I? Well there I was, in my dream, running through the paddock chasing Lady Chocolate Lab, when The Owner wakes me up with his laughing whilst pointing a finger at me telling me to stop twitching. Ever since he has been calling me Skippy!
I think he walk like a camel, smells a bit like one too!
Yesterday a big parcel arrived from Oztralia. Now I have noticed just north of here is a place call New Zealand and The Owner tells me that Oztrailia is near New Zealand so I ought to try and keep an eye open to see the signs when next we go that way. In this parcel was some K9 chews with Kangaroo on the packet. Well I have looked them up on the laptop at home and they are indeed some strange looking critters! I mean, what happened to the rest of their front legs?!! So while The Owner was out of the way, and the packet of Kangaroo chews were unguarded, I nibbled the corner of the packet and "Borrowed" one. Well they were mine!!!! Sherlock Holmes (AKA, The Owner) of course noticed straight away. How does he do that whenever I have been doing stuff he thinks I shouldn't do? Kangaroo chew inside me and telling off out of the way I opted to go and have a lie down on my comfy cushion, just for a few minutes. Well I fell asleep didn't I? Well there I was, in my dream, running through the paddock chasing Lady Chocolate Lab, when The Owner wakes me up with his laughing whilst pointing a finger at me telling me to stop twitching. Ever since he has been calling me Skippy!
I think he walk like a camel, smells a bit like one too!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
