Sunday, 12 February 2012
Frozen Ponds and other Cold Stuff!
Well, morning patrol is over and I am gainfully employed finding a comfy square of carpet to lay upon near the fire (when The Owner can be bothered to light it), together with imaginative ways of avoiding the ruddy Dyson. Which, incidentally, is still throwing all the dust it sucks up out through the vents and depositing it on the furniture, but The Owner clearly feels it makes a difference. I can still hear The Owner's laughter ringing in my ears at the look of confusion and befuddlement upon my face when I got to the pond a little earlier. I was feeling a bit frisky this morning as we strode purposefully out of the cottage and down the icy path where The Owner couldn't be bothered to clear the snow and just packed it down as he walked on it. I had a quick wee up my tree for good measure and launched forth from the gate and came face to face with Postman who was clearly as surprised to see me as I was him, judging by the way we both slithered a little and then fell in a big heap on the frozen puddle. He recovered himself and gave me a particularly hard stare which I felt was a little uncalled for and thrust some brown envelopes in The Owner's hand, which I suspect will mean more of his head in hands "How Much? mantra later. The Owner, with his collar up and hands stuffed firmly in his pockets, shuffled off down the road whilst I ran like a demented badger surveying my territory. There is an interloper at the moment called Jack Collie Dog who occasionally wee's on some of my posts but I am faster than him and I can wee higher, so no damage there then. We soon came to the pond, and the cause of my ire this morning. As I said, I was feeling a bit frisky, so I thought I would launch forth into the water and make a big splash. Well I didn't know it was going to be frozen!!!!!!! I was sailing through the air, paws out-stretched, waiting for the splash when I made contact with ice and left a series of score marks from my claws in the ice as I pirouetted across the surface and came to a halt under the tree. Where, after a strange cracking sound the ice gave way and deposited me very unceremoniously into the water. The Owner laughed loudly at my predicament and pointed a lot as I clambered out of the ice and up the bank by the tree. I'm afraid all friskiness had departed my spirit at this point and I skulked home and left The Owner to finish the patrol alone. I think he walks like a camel anyway, and if he'd stop laughing long enough for me to get close I feel sure he would smell like one as well!
The Squirrel's Nuts
I think The Owner may be having a strong word with Squirrel when he next emerges from his hibernation which, judging by the temperatures out there already this evening, ought not to be for some while. So maybe The Owner might have forgotten about today's little discovery by then. I have noticed during the late summer and autumn how Squirrel fervently hides little heaps of nuts all over the garden in case he wakes during the winter and fancies a quick chomp. Indeed last summer three chestnut trees appeared in the middle of the lawn as a result of just such an activity. They were doing well I thought and nearly high enough to have a wee up when Small Boy cut The Owner's lawns for him. Today, being another chilly morning in The Owner's world he went upstairs for an extra jumper before venturing outside. Grabbing last years favourite fleece to put on, a large quantity of hazel nuts, chestnuts and acorns tumbled across the floor, presumably deposited there by Squirrel during the summer and autumn. I am thinking that maybe The Owner might not be so keen to show off by leaving his bedroom window open in all weathers now.
Rushing Water
Today I will be keeping mostly out of the way! We had a bit of a thaw overnight and this morning, much of the snow has turned to slush or disappeared which made morning patrol an uncomfortable affair. But at least my water bowl seems to stay mainly liquid which is a bonus for me! So, morning patrol and all associated grumbling about the weather, the cold, the damp and the fact that they didn't have his normal Sunday paper this morning over and done with, he made himself a coffee and selected a particularly nice looking Bonio from my tin to give to me (I hope) and we went and sat down. Have I mentioned that I am particularly fond of the odd Bonio or two? Mid way through a heavenly Bonio chomp I heard an unusual noise, like rushing water, coming from the loft. Well it wasn't me as I have never been allowed up there, as dogs don't do step ladders. Well, this one doesn't anyway! Moments later, water wasn't the only thing to be rushing as The Owner ran outside and reappeared soon after carrying his step ladder. I thought "He is about to trap his fingers again and leak round his eyes." I was right! He did trap his fingers in the step ladder and run around with eyes leaking whilst holding his fingers! Sometimes I even surprise myself! Moments later after a quick trip into the loft The Owner reappeared, clearly having not found the source of the problem, (although I could clearly hear a lot of water rushing up there) he was running around the house, banging and shouting a lot. I couldn't help but wonder if all that water rushing out from under the boiler may perhaps have had anything to do with it, although I am no plumber. Clearly I was right as when he removed the covers the water sprayed the distance of at least twenty Bonio boxes laid end to end, after it had first soaked The Owner. I did once lay twenty Bonio boxes end to end and nobody seemed in the slightest bit surprised, but that has nothing to do with this story. The Owner rushed around with spanners and an air of authority, getting very wet until all the water from the tank, if it wasn't over the floor, was over The Owner! He is now sitting in a sodden heap in the middle of the lounge carpet with his cold mug of coffee and making MY square of carpet in front of the fire very wet indeed! I mean, where am I going to lay to toast myself???? Usually when such disasters befall The Owner it somehow transpires to be my fault and his mood looks very black indeed so I am not going to attract much attention to myself for a while.
Saturday, 4 February 2012
The Dyson has Started its Demise I Hope
The Owner dragged my nemesis out from it's weekly hibernation and plugged it in. I don't hang around long enough to have any opinion on the way he uses it or anything further like that, I find somewhere to get out of the way of this demonic invention! Anywhere or anything will do for this purpose, I once tried to get behind the cooker out of the way. Now I know you are thinking to yourself that there isn't room behind the cooker, but you never know until you try do you? Today I was a little more brave than normal and was peering round the corner of the bench in the hallway and bravely watched his activity. It was then I witnessed the first nail in the Dyson's coffin as with a loud pop the Dyson, The Owner and everything in the dining room disappeared in a large cloud of fine white dust. Now I couldn't help but wonder if that was meant to happen? I was soon answered by the amount of rude words that The Owner was using! After much banging and dismantling The Owner triumphantly produced a filter that he clearly was unaware of being in it and pronounced to no one in particular that this was the root of the problem and put the ruddy Dyson back together again. He seemed to be of the opinion that he could finish terrorising me without the filter and was clearly pleased with his efforts as several little treats I had hidden about the dining room disappeared with a loud rattle up the pipe. I watched with some interest as it appeared to me to be a very clever way of doing things. All the bigger lumps were sucked up and collected in the clear box thing whilst all the fine dust was blown out of the vents and deposited on the table and the settee, indeed anywhere above ground level. I thought that was very good as I didn't have to walk in it and it was all out of the way above the kind of level where I can be normally blamed for anything. The Owner soon turned around and started using lots of rude words again so I guessed he hadn't intended that to happen. He is now trying to find a way of warming his hands, does anyone have a useful suggestion of thawing out my water bowl?
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