Even More Wise Words from Jack Labrador

‎"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." Aristotle ~ But with no mind at all everything is entertaining! More wise words from Jack Labrador.

More Wise Words from Jack Labrador

Obstinacy and vehemency in opinion are the surest proofs of stupidity. (Which reminds me, I haven't seen The Owner in a while.) ~ More wise words from Jack Labrador.

Lady Chocolate Lab Caught Out Again!

I am Sooooooo over Lady Chocolate Lab!

The Bells

Such a weekend of embarrassment I have had. It all started on Friday with some fool telling The Owner that the whole country was being asked to ring a bell for three minutes just after breakfast. Having found an old bell in the bottom of a box somewhere, he dusted it off and chose to ignore the crack in it even though it sounded more like my food bring thrown into my metal food bowl, and began clanging furiously. The lady hoomun on the telly rather foolishly announced that many churches across the country are also ringing bells so he stuck his head out the boot room door and noticed no bells ringing at our church. Whilst composing a letter in his head to my mate Vic R about the lack of public spirit etc. he was out on the road waving his bell at driver hoomuns who he clearly felt they were in need of his advice and direction. Which was most of them. Then police hoomun turned up! How embarrassing? Someone had reported a madman waving a bell in a particularly threatening manner at hoomuns as they passed the cottage. I went up the garden and off on patrol and left him to it. Well, I have a reputation to uphold! And I have breeding I do. I am not the one who gets brought home in a police car, or now, gets taken away in one. Then yesterday was a day of fun for me, The Owner had been told to get himself home from the police station and had arrived and was busy composing another letter to someone called MP. He must be really hip and happning, whoever he is, if he is only known by his initials. So I kept myself very entertained with the cyclist hoomuns who were coming past the cottage in large numbers. I would have a quick snooze in the sun up by the barbie and then when I heard them coming down the road I would run very fast (on silent) and then burst through the gap in the hedge making lots of noise and see if I could get a wobble out of them. I was having great fun when I heard some more coming down the road. So I started my charge....lady hoomuns this time... such fun as they always wobble more and louder (have you never seen a loud wobble?) I was nearly at the hedge and ready to burst forth with lots of noise, I am such a master at my art, when I heard lady cyclist hoomun say to her mate, "My friend lives in there!". Brakes!!! Brakes!!!! That would have been sooooooooooooo embarrassing! It would have been a bit like The Owner saying hello to someone in town who he thinks he knows when it isn't them..... except that is funny.

Cling Film Poo!

I had a very strange experience this morning which unsettled me to be honest! To put things into some kind of perspective I need to take you back a day or two. One afternoon The Owner had called in Plumber Hoomun as there was a vast escape of water in the cottage for which I was in no way responsible. It was in the bathroom which, because of it's definition, i.e. bath, I have nothing to do with. So, Plumber Hoomun arrived brandishing two new taps for something in the bathroom. He had much discussion with The Owner about which tap should be installed but whilst that took place he had left his box of stuff by the gate... so I went to investigate. Nothing wrong with that I am thinking?!? What I found, in part, interested me greatly. His box contained lots of "Tools", none of which I had ever seen before. But what interested me particularly was his packet of sandwiches, perched on the top, wrapped in cling film. Nevertheless I decided I ought to pass comment on the quality of them and the filling. To be honest I did get a little carried away in my sampling and forgot myself a little and..... well...... ate them all. I thought I may have got away with it as Plumber Hoomun spent ages looking for them and inside his van but attention was diverted when my hoomun friend Acushla Hoomun arrived bearing Bonios. In fact, in the excitement I had forgotten my input into the reason Plumber Hoomun spent half an hour searching his van for his dinner. So, today, breakfast consumed, it was time to go and have a quiet moment on the side lawn. Quiet moment had, and bowel evacuated, one always has to have a quick sniff and a check to make sure all is in order. You just have to do things like this! So I did. Whoa!!!!!!!!!!!! Who wrapped them all neatly in cling film???!!! It wasn't The Owner, he was inside! It took me a while to figure out the connection. I need a lie down!

The Helmet

Oh dear! I'm in trouble - at least I will be when everyone has worked out what happened. It was an uneventful day at the studio, periods of snoozing broken only by intervals of slumber throughout most of the day. Disturbed only by a brief period of delicious activity as I terrorised the new postman, such a pushover in the face of K9 superiority! Being summer(ish) The Owner keeps the studio door open and I snoozed in the doorway all day in the sun, until nearly at the end of the afternoon when I opened one eye and noticed Dairy Yoof's friend turn up on his bike, get off it and then push it into the little garage beside the studio. At exactly that moment I heard The Owner put his glasses down and pick up his phone and keys and that means only one thing - home and then - dinner!!! I rushed out the door eager to wee on the gate post before i leave my territory unguarded for the evening. I stopped in mid wee when I noticed something with lots of colour and kind of round sitting in the middle of the yard. I reasoned that if I was going home I needed to get this new addition to the yard wee'd on quickly, just until the morning when I would have more time to do the job properly. I was halfway through my wee when I heard Dairy Yoof's mate call out to someone, not sure who, "Can you pick my helmet up off the yard?". Ah! So that's what it was! I thought it may be time for a little subterfuge so I quickly ran round the outside of the studio and reappeared from the other direction. Clever eh? Couldn't have been me could it? I think Dairy Yoof's mate was a little suspicious, if the look on his face as he put his helmet back on his head was anything to go by. I got the distinct vibe that my efforts were less than appreciated from the stern look he gave me as I dutifully walked to heel beside The Owner as we headed for home. I feel that maybe tomorrow would be a good time to make myself scarce and spend a little while in the calf sheds out of the way.

The Owner and The Ambliance

We have had major things going on here today! The Owner had been shouting at Robert Peston on the telly again this morning, which is always a bad start to any day and then he thrust his hands deep in his pockets and we stomped off to the studio. I walked a little behind him all the way down. Not out of any sense of duty you understand, more a sense of self preservation. When we got to the studio he opened some letters and then started shouting at them too. This was followed by the phone and then the computer. The day was not going well! Eventually, he, The Owner, made himself the customary eleven o clock coffee (which always means I get a Bonio, have I mentioned that I like Bonio's?) at half past ten. Now aren't you impressed that I can tell the time as well? He hadn't finished his coffee when he wandered off outside. I awaited his return for the other half of my Bonio but he didn't return, so I went outside to see what he was doing. I found him, lying like a heap of crumpled ironing outside on the floor, which I thought may have been a little unusual. And so, apparently, did Dairyman Hoomun and Lady Dairyman Hoomun, as they helped him back into the studio and flopped him into the chair. This big delivery van, with lots of blue lights and far too much to say for itself, then came into the farm and I am told they call it an ambliance which was ok as ambliances come with ambliance drivers and they may give me a Bonio. I was a little disappointed as they all paid The Owner far too much attention which will only make my life difficult when they have gone, and they didn't give me a Bonio. Next thing I knew, they'd whisked The Owner off into the ambliance. Well I was, by now, beside myself with concern! Not only had they not given me a Bonio but they had encouraged The Owner to go with them and he hadn't given me the other half of my Bonio yet. It really is just too much, I may have to pee on their wheels if I see them again. I think The Owner is going to be a little difficult this evening if he has had any attention during the day from Ambliance Hoomun and Lady Ambliance Hoomun.