My trip to Lundun

Yesterday morning The Owner was up early and polished his shoes (always a bad sign) and then dragged his suit out of the wardrobe. Not off a hanger, you understand, but from the bottom where he had thrown it after a disagreeable meeting a month ago. This of course liberated one or two of my little misdemeanour's. Well he had left me on my own a couple of times and I wanted somewhere different to lay and the wardrobe door was open! So this was the first accusing stare I had received that day, there will be more. And it was only a few of my hairs!!! So, suit de-haired and put on, I was expecting the usual cursory Bonio to be thrown my way and then abandoned to my own amusement for the day. Instead he picked up my posh lead and told me to get in the car!!! We went to SWINDON!!!! I was a little nervous until we got to the station and I relaxed a little, I knew that we get trains from stations and they go to Bath, I have been there before. I had also learned not to wee on the old lady's zimmer frame legs, they are apparently not for my benefit. However I was taken a little by surprise when the train came from the other direction, but a very grumpy chap who clearly had no understanding of my breeding told The Owner "Be careful with that dog and mind the gap with it." With IT!!! So I wee'd on his trouser leg and felt much better for it. The Owner said we were going to Lundun! When we got to Lundun there were so many people! We don't even see that many people at the village hall! We walked across the big station, I have never done my best walking to heal quite so good as that before. Not to demonstrate my considerable prowess at walking to heel, just that I wanted to keep The Owner close by me. Then we came across this huge badger hole and all these people went down it! What kind of a place was that???? As we got close to it I noticed that the stairs were all falling down the big hole, well I frankly wasn't surprised with that many people standing on it. Then The Owner went to jump on, well, I wasn't about to get on that!!! It moves!!! Oh the embarrassment! The Owner picked me up and carried me down it. Those badgers must have been very well organised as they have trains and everything down there. I must have a look again at the badger sett on the hill when next I go for a quick roll. When we got off the train, and came back out of the badgers sett we arrived in this park which The Owner said was a Kings park. I did look but didn't see a King. What is a King anyway? Should I have one? Anyway it was about that time of day so I found a secluded spot behind a tree and tried to ignore the big offices full of people. Then The Owner.... what was he doing?????? he pulls a carrier bag out of his jacket pocket and PICKS IT UP!!!!!! I told you the world was very strange the other side of Swindon didn't I? And it has even affected The Owner. I pretended not to notice out of politeness but I have to report I am in no hurry to repeat that particular journey. You know where you stand with cows. As far away as possible usually, but at least you know.

The Water Main

I felt a little uncertain about events of this morning at first. Morning patrol accomplished, it just left the journey to the studio before a Bonio to chomp on would appear out of my Bonio Bucket. Then The Owner would do his emails and stuff whilst having a slurp from his coffee mug. As we approached the farm everything appeared normal, and I have come to expect this sort of thing when disaster is about to befall, when from nowhere it came! There I was, weeing up against a clump of grass on the side of the road, when suddenly it started to wee back!!!! Then the drain in the gully started to have an opinion on the matter too, followed by the cracks in the driveway, a second drain, another clump of grass which I hadn't wee'd on yet and the area around the gatepost, also not wee'd on yet! With that much water around it is usually something to do with me I have noticed, or at least I get blamed for it, so I tried very hard to keep out of everyone's way just in case. I opted to go and sit in the field behind the fence to distance myself from the water and any attached blame. It was then that I noticed the water was off down the road past The Owner and heading straight for Farmer Hoomun's cottage. If water could have a vengeful look in it's eye, this was just the occasion when it would have had it! I couldn't help but think that The Owner was getting worried as well at this point, in case he got the blame as well! The water then suddenly disappeared down another drain, which I have noted, if it can take that much water in one go it is worth knowing about! You never know when that kind of information may come in handy! After much excitement on the farm with hoomuns of varying shapes and sizes talking to their phones and scratching their heads I heard The Owner pronounce his verdict with a great sense of authority on the matter. We have a water leak!! A big water leak!!!!!! I will keep you informed.

Yet More Wise Words from Jack Labrador

”That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” - Friedrich Nietzsche - Now here is a man who understands badger poo!!!!! More wise words from Jack Labrador.

Even More Wise Words from Jack Labrador

‎"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." Aristotle ~ But with no mind at all everything is entertaining! More wise words from Jack Labrador.

More Wise Words from Jack Labrador

Obstinacy and vehemency in opinion are the surest proofs of stupidity. (Which reminds me, I haven't seen The Owner in a while.) ~ More wise words from Jack Labrador.

Lady Chocolate Lab Caught Out Again!

I am Sooooooo over Lady Chocolate Lab!

The Bells

Such a weekend of embarrassment I have had. It all started on Friday with some fool telling The Owner that the whole country was being asked to ring a bell for three minutes just after breakfast. Having found an old bell in the bottom of a box somewhere, he dusted it off and chose to ignore the crack in it even though it sounded more like my food bring thrown into my metal food bowl, and began clanging furiously. The lady hoomun on the telly rather foolishly announced that many churches across the country are also ringing bells so he stuck his head out the boot room door and noticed no bells ringing at our church. Whilst composing a letter in his head to my mate Vic R about the lack of public spirit etc. he was out on the road waving his bell at driver hoomuns who he clearly felt they were in need of his advice and direction. Which was most of them. Then police hoomun turned up! How embarrassing? Someone had reported a madman waving a bell in a particularly threatening manner at hoomuns as they passed the cottage. I went up the garden and off on patrol and left him to it. Well, I have a reputation to uphold! And I have breeding I do. I am not the one who gets brought home in a police car, or now, gets taken away in one. Then yesterday was a day of fun for me, The Owner had been told to get himself home from the police station and had arrived and was busy composing another letter to someone called MP. He must be really hip and happning, whoever he is, if he is only known by his initials. So I kept myself very entertained with the cyclist hoomuns who were coming past the cottage in large numbers. I would have a quick snooze in the sun up by the barbie and then when I heard them coming down the road I would run very fast (on silent) and then burst through the gap in the hedge making lots of noise and see if I could get a wobble out of them. I was having great fun when I heard some more coming down the road. So I started my charge....lady hoomuns this time... such fun as they always wobble more and louder (have you never seen a loud wobble?) I was nearly at the hedge and ready to burst forth with lots of noise, I am such a master at my art, when I heard lady cyclist hoomun say to her mate, "My friend lives in there!". Brakes!!! Brakes!!!! That would have been sooooooooooooo embarrassing! It would have been a bit like The Owner saying hello to someone in town who he thinks he knows when it isn't them..... except that is funny.