The Upturned Tree and The Owner

Well this weekend I appear to have given everyone a great deal of mirth. Not that I intended to. But The Owner has been busy telling everyone of the problem. Owners daughter came to see me on Saturday, The Owner likes to think she has come to see him but I know that isn't true, she has really come to see me! So when she arrived she started to remove several bags full of rubbish off the seats, off the floor and about everywhere else in her car too. She even made a joke about rediscovering her inner car seat when she dug down through her stuff and got to the seat covers. She then laughed very loudly at her own joke which was scarily like The Owner, I suspect they may be related.As soon as there was room enough on the back seat for me I got in. Just in case anyone was going to be going anywhere. You can't be too careful in my experience or you run the risk of being left behind. The Owner tried to call me out but I wasn't falling for that old chestnut! Eventually they both came out and got in the car. Alright, it was an hour later but I felt my stance had been vindicated. We first went to Sainsbugs and when The Owner reappeared he seemed to be under some kind of verbal assault from Owners Daughter, probably for the plight of the indigenous population of the Amazon rainforest. That seems to be her favourite at the moment. Then we drove to a different woods to my normal patrols and we went for a walk. It was great fun, chasing through loads of dead leaves, running and running. Then I happened to see something strange beside the path. I had never seen anything quite like this. So I tried to get a scent of it... nothing.... so I went a bit closer and sniffed again. Still nothing so I growled a bit. No response. I was getting a little concerned at all this as these were my "pack" that I was to protect here. The Owner and Owners Daughter. So I had a little woof at it and took a step closer. It wasn't moving away from me. I have since discovered that it was an upturned root plate from a tree that came down in the winds, but how was I to know??? I have never seen one before!! I was intent on protecting my pack so I got yet closer and growled at it quite a lot. However I had taken my eye off The Owner for a moment, which is never a good thing to do, and he had gone round behind the root plate and was sneaking up on it from his side. Just as I was getting close enough to make a decision on whether to bite it or wee on it and walk away, The Owner launched himself over the top shouting a loud Aaaaarrrrrgh! with his hands and legs spread as wide as he could. Well I thought the damn thing was coming to get me and I panicked, a little bit of wee came out and I ran. The Owner can fend for himself I thought, as I ran as far and as fast as I could. Well that was the intention, except my legs weren't working as well as I would have liked. Then I could hear The Owners laughter ringing in my ears, added to by the stifled giggling of Owners Daughter. I felt proper foolish and it got worse when he took me to the pub. He kept telling everyone of my panic and they were all laughing loudly at my misfortune. There are times when I really hate hoomuns!! I will be taking to my comfy cushion for the rest of the day i think!

The Log Delivery

The Owner has had a very bad start to his day, in fact it started last night really. He was very busy ordering logs on the phone yesterday with the usual sense of urgency that is inspired from not ordering them in time and only thinking about it when he has run out. But the order was placed and he sat back in his chair by his desk with that confident smirk of one who has averted disaster. Or at lest, a chilly evening! Our journey home last night was a damp one and a dark one as he grumbled his way down the road to the cottage. He grumbled about puddles (if he would buy himself some new shoes he wouldn't notice the puddles), he grumbled about cars going to fast, he grumbled about cars not dipping their headlights. In fact he grumbled about almost everything really. I was really quite anxious to get home and indoors before we got to including me in his "everything" so I rushed up the garden path past the heap of logs left at the gate. He followed me quickly and by now the grumbling had included the state of the garden path, the leaking gutter and the Somali pirates. I am at a loss as to why the Somali pirates were getting put in their place but I was just glad it hadn't got to me yet.Once indoors and I had been fed he started to pace the floors and kept checking out the windows and then sighing a lot. Then Log Hoomun was the object of his ire in no small manner too. For apparently not delivering his wood! Well what was that we had walked past earlier?? We ended up with just two small logs in the grate and a firelighter, which lasted all of ten minutes. There was a lot of grumbling all evening until I was, frankly, glad he went to bed. This morning the grumbling continued about lack of logs until he stuffed his hands in his Barbour pockets and stomped off down the path, round the corner of the shed...... and fell over a heap of logs. Anxious not to lose any of the momentum he was building in the grumbling stakes now he realised they had been there since yesterday evening, he changed his grumbling to the subject of wet logs instead. From my vantage point under the desk I can notice a slight trickle of blood running down his shin from his trip over the log pile. I guess he has yet to notice that, he would be making far more of his injuries if he had. A day to keep out of the way I think, maybe the calf sheds would be my best option.

My Brain Implosion

Last night I had a headache! Today I have a headache! I also have a funny shaped head and, I am sure, a brain implosion. Today I am also getting absolutely no sympathy from The Owner, but that is no different to normal I guess. 

Last night, as it was getting dark, Owners Mate arrived and him and The Owner discussed "things", but I did hear the discussion of Bonios, so I was quite happy that on this occasion "things" were not going to be to my detriment. So I was unconcerned when they jumped into Owners Mate's car and left me behind. They shortly returned carrying several Sainsbugs bags and I did spy a box of Bonios in one of them.... and another!! Make no mistake, this was not a demonstration of love and caring for my well being on the part of The Owner, I have fallen for that one before. No, this would have just been that they were on some kind of special offer. After more discussions Owners Mate said he would take the shopping home in his car and The Owner and I would wander home so I could, well, perform. When we got to the gate Owners Mate was busy carrying bags up the path and The Owner picked up a few more. I happened to notice that the back seat was down and there was a big sheet spread out which I thought might be for me and we were off on a little adventure somewhere so I started to get in... and then it happened!!! Someone tried to close the tail gate, I was too dazed to know who, as I tried to stagger back out of the way. Unable to shut the tailgate on their first attempt they closed it again. I am sure I still have the imprint of a tailgate catch on the underside of my chin. I guess also that we weren't going off for an adventure, unless you count having your head shut in a tailgate door as the adventure I suppose. In which case it was quite an adventure!

I Was Escorted Round The Garden!

I have been out in the garden where it was raining hard and the stream is flowing well. I had the intention of getting down and having a good roll, the shoulder looked to me as though it needed a little accessorising. But I suspect The Owner had done his mind reading thing again as he followed me all round the garden. I mean, a little privacy here please! It's raining, didn't he have somewhere to go? I gave up in the end and returned to the fire. But he needn't think I've given up on the idea, I just have a little longer to plot my move.

My Spoiled Evening

The very fast and very noisy cars that race back to where they started from has been recorded and he is searching for his corkscrew , I suspect the peaceful evening I had planned is about to be interrupted. The fire is lit and the laptop is ready. I was about to write my daily memoirs. Don't think that is going to happen now. 

Wagging One's Tail

Oh what fun I've had! Yesterday morning I went out for a quick patrol of the perimeter after breakfast whilst The Owner took his morning tea and sat down to watch BBC Breakfast. When I returned, The Owner had his clipboard out which is always a cause for concern. He seemed to be paying far too much attention to my back end and then scribbling frantically on his clipboard. I had to check round the back end in case I had maybe had a good chomp on a bit of tinsel that I had forgotten about. The reappearance of tinsel can be problematic I have come to notice in the past. But all appeared to be in order. His interest in my rear end was unnerving to say the least! Then I heard an item on the news which explained his behaviour and his particularly unhealthy interest in my rear end. Some fool hoomun has announced to the world that we K9's talk to each other with our tails. News to me!!! So to play along with him, for every Markie I wagged to the left and for a piece of toast, the right. This was all going swimmingly, so when he went to pour his second cup of tea I shuffled about a bit and his clipboard slid under the sofa. When he returned there was much searching for it, which bizarrely even included the shed in the garden. So he got another piece of paper and rested it on last weeks Sunday paper and continued his "research". So I gave him some conflicting results. Much later he found his clipboard and then noted the anomalies. I think we have seen the last of his experiment and I have a full belly to show for it so that is alright then. I like the idea of being an experiment, I wonder what we can experiment on today?

Postman Maul 2

I think I may have...umm....overcooked it a bit! Yesterday I went out on patrol as The Owner was getting far too animated with something on his desk for my liking so I felt it best that I went out. Out of sight. Out of mind. But on my return I was in time to see Postman Maul driving out of the farm gate again. This morning I was not about to miss him so since we got there first thing this morning I went and sat round the corner of the studio and waited. It wasn't comfortable and it wasn't warm either but I was determined to try and get to sit on Postman Maul's shoulders. Well when he got here he pulled up outside the studio and started fumbling through the box of mail on his seat but his door was open so I seized my moment. Well at least none of the letters fell out of the van!!! True, they were all over the floor and under or behind the seat, but none came out. There may have been one or two with a muddy paw print on them as well but that was hardly my fault, it was muddy beside the studio where I had been waiting!