Well today I have a new best friend! Yesterday was a busy one round at the manor when Party Organiser Hoomun turned up and was very theatrical, I think I ought to refer to her as Theatrical Party Organiser Hoomun from now on. She was as theatrical taking all the goodies out of the cupboards as she was putting them in the cupboards when Tesco Yoof delivered them in the week.
Then these nice men turned up and put up an enormous tent on the lawns. I say nice men because they all gave me the crusts from the sandwiches that Lady Manor Hoomun took out for them. Enormous tent smelled a bit musty when they had put it up so I tried to help make it smell a bit better by weeing up the door post but it was not appreciated and they all chased me off. All the family turned up just after lunch for a 'christening'. Not sure what one of them is so I tagged along when they all went off to try and get some idea what a christening was and whether I should have an opinion on the matter. When we got there, guess who we met? Vic R was there and wearing a long white dress too! He kept flicking water at me and saying things like, "Bless you". Well I wasn't finding this at all funny and thought that an opinion may have been in order but before I could express it he picked up one of the grandchildren and started pouring water over her head. She, sure as heck had an opinion on the matter and they couldn't shut her up so they all went back to the manor and stood around in the tent whilst Theatrical Party Organiser gave everyone sandwiches in a very theatrical manner. It was when some of the Hoomuns were standing up and talking at great length to everyone else and everyone else was applauding politely that my new best friend made an appearance. A badger from the set in the paddock came under the side of the tent, presumably looking for sandwiched and cakes as well and caused a right old rumpuss with kids running and ladies standing on chairs and men trying to be all heroic (as long as it didn't involve getting too close to Badger). I did my bit to save the day and went along and cleared up the spillages as Badger was causing them and I was getting all the praise for being brave. As he is now mny newest best friend I think I shall henceforth refer to him as Adge The Badge, I managed to get him blamed for one or two other of my indiscretions at the same time as well. I thought it right to return the favour and as Reg was away I went and left the potting shed door open so he could get at the bird nuts and judging by the shouting from down there this morning I think he may have found them. They keep telling me The Owner has been found but I haven't seen him as yet but I will keep you posted.
Sunday, 10 October 2010
Fan Mail has arrived
Postman has delivered again. To me!!!! My secret admirer has sent me doggie chews again.... to me!!!! All we need now is his grumpiness to return and the equilibrium has been restored. Has anyone seen The Owner?
Party Organiser Hoomun
I think this weekend may be one to be avoided at the manor and I shall keep a low profile and stay in the cottage. Tesco Hoomun Yoof came today and made a delivery, now when he delivered to The Owner he would unload a few boxes. Inside one of them somewhere was always a Bonio (had I mentioned that I like Bonio's?).
So I overcame my natural suspicion of him and allowed him or sometimes a her onto the premises. Well today Tesco Hoomun Yoof arrived at the manor and unloaded the whole van full! I did check to see if there was the odd Bonio in the boxes somewhere but could not find one anywhere, so he has gone back on my list of people to be suspicious of and I felt justified in having a quiet low grumble at him as he passed by. I felt I had made my point. With that much food delivered I am guessing that it is not just the two of them this weekend. A strange lady who I think was called Party Organiser arrived and became very theatrical as she unpacked all the goodies from Tesco bags, still no Bonio though so I may have to have an opinion about her as well before long. Now, the point of my story, you remember the cows getting into the manor gardens and two of them getting into Lilly's pond, well since then the pond has dropped its water level quite a lot and there have been several meetings with Cowman and Manor Hoomun down there There has been a lot of pointing and arm waving and a not insignificant amount of shouting going on, I think there may be more to follow on that story. But, significantly, the water levels in the village pond have risen as Lilly's pond levels have dropped! I am beginning to suspect that maybe they are connected and that Manor Hoomun may have been behind the whole event after all. I will keep you informed.
So I overcame my natural suspicion of him and allowed him or sometimes a her onto the premises. Well today Tesco Hoomun Yoof arrived at the manor and unloaded the whole van full! I did check to see if there was the odd Bonio in the boxes somewhere but could not find one anywhere, so he has gone back on my list of people to be suspicious of and I felt justified in having a quiet low grumble at him as he passed by. I felt I had made my point. With that much food delivered I am guessing that it is not just the two of them this weekend. A strange lady who I think was called Party Organiser arrived and became very theatrical as she unpacked all the goodies from Tesco bags, still no Bonio though so I may have to have an opinion about her as well before long. Now, the point of my story, you remember the cows getting into the manor gardens and two of them getting into Lilly's pond, well since then the pond has dropped its water level quite a lot and there have been several meetings with Cowman and Manor Hoomun down there There has been a lot of pointing and arm waving and a not insignificant amount of shouting going on, I think there may be more to follow on that story. But, significantly, the water levels in the village pond have risen as Lilly's pond levels have dropped! I am beginning to suspect that maybe they are connected and that Manor Hoomun may have been behind the whole event after all. I will keep you informed.
Cows in the Herbaceous Border.
Oh, this morning had a certain warmth in the air from where I was stood. Nothing to do with the weather you understand. That warmth which comes from the certain knowledge that there is going to be a lot of doo doo flying around and most unusually, there is little if any coming my way.
I had been for the morning patrol quite early this morning, for no other reason than the cottage is beginning to get quite cold without anyone to drive the heating controls as I cannot reach that high; so I came back to the manor to await breakfast. Lady Manor Hoomun came down and threw back the curtains to look across the manicured lawns and flower beds, at least those that the badgers haven't dug up already. Her gaze settled immediately and perhaps predictably upon the arse of a cow which was on the patio depositing another half a ton of manure across the patio furniture. I say another because it had already done so over the sundial which I fear will not be telling any time at all until a serious amount of shovelling had taken place. The roses which were enjoying a last flourish of flowering activity (yuk and phew) were eaten to the stalk by the teeth and digestive tracts of about forty ruminants who had taken the opportunity presenting itself after the somewhat inadequate gate closing skills practised by the cowman earlier that morning. Two of them had taken the opportunity for a quick soak in Lilly's pond and were getting quite tangled up in the aquatic foliage. The cowman was summoned to remove his charges from the herbaceous borders watched over by Manor Hoomun and Lady Manor Hoomun who stood with a suitable frown and hands on hips whilst he did so. I, not wanting to miss out on the opportunity presenting itself from someone else's misfortune, found a suitably disapproving look of my own to add to Cowman's discomfort. I feel today is going to be a good day! Has anyone seen The Owner please?
I had been for the morning patrol quite early this morning, for no other reason than the cottage is beginning to get quite cold without anyone to drive the heating controls as I cannot reach that high; so I came back to the manor to await breakfast. Lady Manor Hoomun came down and threw back the curtains to look across the manicured lawns and flower beds, at least those that the badgers haven't dug up already. Her gaze settled immediately and perhaps predictably upon the arse of a cow which was on the patio depositing another half a ton of manure across the patio furniture. I say another because it had already done so over the sundial which I fear will not be telling any time at all until a serious amount of shovelling had taken place. The roses which were enjoying a last flourish of flowering activity (yuk and phew) were eaten to the stalk by the teeth and digestive tracts of about forty ruminants who had taken the opportunity presenting itself after the somewhat inadequate gate closing skills practised by the cowman earlier that morning. Two of them had taken the opportunity for a quick soak in Lilly's pond and were getting quite tangled up in the aquatic foliage. The cowman was summoned to remove his charges from the herbaceous borders watched over by Manor Hoomun and Lady Manor Hoomun who stood with a suitable frown and hands on hips whilst he did so. I, not wanting to miss out on the opportunity presenting itself from someone else's misfortune, found a suitably disapproving look of my own to add to Cowman's discomfort. I feel today is going to be a good day! Has anyone seen The Owner please?
Nunky Hoomun Visits
The Owners Uncle, Nunky Hoomun has been for the weekend and he took me shooting clay pigeons, I mean, how can I retrieve them, they keep getting broken?
You've got to give a dog a chance in these matters and leave me some bits of clay pigeon big enough to bring back!
Uncle Eric
Manor Hoomun's family came to The Manor for lunch yesterday, so fear of getting further dressed up by the grandkids I made and early morning departure to go on patrol and widen my search for The Owner. Often on a Sunday he would go to the cafe up by the main road, so after a quick canter up across the downs I arrived and sat outside by his favourite table watching in case he came for coffee.
It was all going well, although The Owner was still nowhere to be seen, with people coming up and saying hello, until some old lady told Cafe Owner that there was a stray dog outside! Me, a stray dog! I have breeding I do! She walked like a camel anyway. Cafe Owner shoo'd me off so I wandered back to The Manor which is when things took a bit of a turn for the worse. I sat in the boot room out of the way, kept myself to myself until nearly lunch time when the smell of roast beef dragged me out. An ageing Aunt I have not met before was sat there nursing this strange looking cat thing that growled at me, I chose to ignore it but it persisted, so I wandered off between all the legs of those drinking sherry in the hallway including Vic R who I haven't seen since the Church Fete. I took a very careful route across the floor to avoid sliding into the ancestral aspidistra when Strange Cat suddenly launched itself at me and slid across the polished floor leaving claw marks as it went and straight into the stand at the end where Uncle Eric's mortal remains have been placed into a new urn. His eternal rest being unexpectedly disturbed for the second time in only a few days!
The Owner has been reported seen working in Crewe B&Q wearing bright orange overalls and going under the name of 'Bob'. I'll keep you informed.
It was all going well, although The Owner was still nowhere to be seen, with people coming up and saying hello, until some old lady told Cafe Owner that there was a stray dog outside! Me, a stray dog! I have breeding I do! She walked like a camel anyway. Cafe Owner shoo'd me off so I wandered back to The Manor which is when things took a bit of a turn for the worse. I sat in the boot room out of the way, kept myself to myself until nearly lunch time when the smell of roast beef dragged me out. An ageing Aunt I have not met before was sat there nursing this strange looking cat thing that growled at me, I chose to ignore it but it persisted, so I wandered off between all the legs of those drinking sherry in the hallway including Vic R who I haven't seen since the Church Fete. I took a very careful route across the floor to avoid sliding into the ancestral aspidistra when Strange Cat suddenly launched itself at me and slid across the polished floor leaving claw marks as it went and straight into the stand at the end where Uncle Eric's mortal remains have been placed into a new urn. His eternal rest being unexpectedly disturbed for the second time in only a few days!
The Owner has been reported seen working in Crewe B&Q wearing bright orange overalls and going under the name of 'Bob'. I'll keep you informed.
Sunday, 26 September 2010
Police Hoomuns Conclusions
Well yesterday we had the brightest of Wiltshire Constabulary combing the village and asking all kinds of incisive questions. Most of them were ridiculous and some were very insulting towards The Owner and I had to have an opinion on the matter.
One Police Hoomun had to go and requisition a new pair of boots from their stores after I wee'd up them after I was forbidden from giving him a quick nip for a particularly disparaging comment about The Owner. Later they called in Police Dog (Hello! Nearly three weeks after The Owner disappeared?) who rushed about full of self importance barking a lot, until he slipped his collar and then we had a good game of chase around the cricket pitch much to Dog Handler Hoomun's distress. At one point he was so red in the face as he was bellowing at Police Dog I thought he was going to explode. It was a good game but I suspect he may be sent to his boot room when he gets home. Today they have issued the result of their extensive enquiries, "The Owner is missing". Well that has cleared up any doubt then. We can all rest a lot easier on our Cozy Cushions now then can't we. I think I may need to extend the range of my patrols a little in search of clues as to his whereabouts. Has anyone seen The Owner?
One Police Hoomun had to go and requisition a new pair of boots from their stores after I wee'd up them after I was forbidden from giving him a quick nip for a particularly disparaging comment about The Owner. Later they called in Police Dog (Hello! Nearly three weeks after The Owner disappeared?) who rushed about full of self importance barking a lot, until he slipped his collar and then we had a good game of chase around the cricket pitch much to Dog Handler Hoomun's distress. At one point he was so red in the face as he was bellowing at Police Dog I thought he was going to explode. It was a good game but I suspect he may be sent to his boot room when he gets home. Today they have issued the result of their extensive enquiries, "The Owner is missing". Well that has cleared up any doubt then. We can all rest a lot easier on our Cozy Cushions now then can't we. I think I may need to extend the range of my patrols a little in search of clues as to his whereabouts. Has anyone seen The Owner?
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