This weekend has left me with one or two little conundrums! Firstly, birthdays. Why do hoomuns celebrate birthdays and why do they always cheat when it comes to telling everyone how many they have had?
Now I know that when I have a birthday The Owner tells me that it goes up in sevens. At the weekend it was Pub Landlady's birthday and so on Sunday lunchtime we went to wish her a Happy Birthday (and have more drink!) and I distinctly remember last year and I remember how old she told everyone she was, so why was everyone trying to make her feel better by telling her that she was only one year older? I know she should have been seven years older! My second conundrum was Burns night. Why do hoomuns celebrate someone getting burnt? Every time The Owner gets burnt on the wood burner (which is often) he doesn't do any celebrating. He dances around the living room carpet a lot holding his hand or his knee on these occasions but as far as I know he doesn't celebrate the anniversary. He would probably be celebrating every night if that were the case. Nevertheless he went out on Saturday night to celebrate Burns night and that was probably the most strange event I think he has ever taken me to. There were men there wearing skirts!!!! And everyone was going round saying things that I didn't understand and then laughing loudly as if at their own jokes. As for that man wearing a skirt with some animal under his arm that was wailing loudly. To be fair, if he was blowing loudly through a stick in me I fear I may have a less than favourable opinion on the matter myself. When he got home he kept rushing around the house holding his belly and his mouth making some very strange noises and was still doing the same the next morning when I got up for my breakfast. It all seems very strange to me!
Wednesday, 26 January 2011
Well he came back yesterday evening....... eventually! I suspect that he had been to the pub as he smelled strongly of wine and brandy. So did his new found drinking companion Farm Owner who also had the faintest whiff about him of something a little less pleasant, although I had better say little about that as I feel I may come in for a little flack about where the odour came from.
We wandered back up the road in a particularly round about kind of way, presumably to avoid the ice and other frozen detritus which still spews forth from the manhole cover near the office. It must be much worse than I feared as he walked from side to side of the road all the way back to the cottage. He was also singing loudly which was a wholly unpleasant experience and I think a completely new way of using the voice in melody. He basically said all the words on the same note and just varied the volume louder or quieter as required. This morning he is a little quieter and has mercifully stopped his singing and is instead growling quite a lot at anyone who comes anywhere near him. I think I may try my luck at getting another breakfast at the manor, it may be safer to spend the day down there. Nearly forgot! I have a new friend today who refers to me as Posh Jack. I think I like this. Being recognised for one's breeding has it's benefits. Had I mentioned I was born on Lord Bath's Estate?
We wandered back up the road in a particularly round about kind of way, presumably to avoid the ice and other frozen detritus which still spews forth from the manhole cover near the office. It must be much worse than I feared as he walked from side to side of the road all the way back to the cottage. He was also singing loudly which was a wholly unpleasant experience and I think a completely new way of using the voice in melody. He basically said all the words on the same note and just varied the volume louder or quieter as required. This morning he is a little quieter and has mercifully stopped his singing and is instead growling quite a lot at anyone who comes anywhere near him. I think I may try my luck at getting another breakfast at the manor, it may be safer to spend the day down there. Nearly forgot! I have a new friend today who refers to me as Posh Jack. I think I like this. Being recognised for one's breeding has it's benefits. Had I mentioned I was born on Lord Bath's Estate?
My Entanglement with Farm Owner
It's been a very difficult day here! When The Owner and I wandered to work this morning, through the frosty grass, we noticed that the road as we approached the farm was getting very icy, well I did anyway as there was a decided loss of traction and I don't think it was appreciated much when I managed to knock Farm Owner to the floor in a particularly daring power slide!
It would seem that the drains on the farm had blocked over night and all kind of matter had backed up and lifted the drain cover and flooded across the road and then frozen. No harm done I felt! He got up and removed the odd bit of soggy paper from his jacket and went about his business grumbling a little about dogs being fenced in or something. When we went home for lunch I did my usual trick and as soon as the door was open I burst forth into the sunshine. Well not all the ice had thawed where the sun hadn't got yet and I found that bit quite quickly. Ok, so it may have been a little unfortunate that Farm Owner was going home for dinner at the time and I now realise what the other stuff that went with the soggy paper was, as it had now thawed and reverted to its original state. Personally, I think Farm Owner made just a little too much of the whole thing when I knocked him over for the second time today and I could see absolutely no merit in him rolling in that stuff like that! If I were his owner I think I would have made him wait in the boot room until he had cleaned himself up a little! If I had left little dollops, well big dollops actually, like that all over the place I think The Owner may have had an opinion on the matter. So I'm not really understanding at the moment why it is that I am confined to the tack room over this! It's dark now, I hope The Owner hasn't forgotten about me, it's awfully quiet out there.
Hellooooo!!!
It would seem that the drains on the farm had blocked over night and all kind of matter had backed up and lifted the drain cover and flooded across the road and then frozen. No harm done I felt! He got up and removed the odd bit of soggy paper from his jacket and went about his business grumbling a little about dogs being fenced in or something. When we went home for lunch I did my usual trick and as soon as the door was open I burst forth into the sunshine. Well not all the ice had thawed where the sun hadn't got yet and I found that bit quite quickly. Ok, so it may have been a little unfortunate that Farm Owner was going home for dinner at the time and I now realise what the other stuff that went with the soggy paper was, as it had now thawed and reverted to its original state. Personally, I think Farm Owner made just a little too much of the whole thing when I knocked him over for the second time today and I could see absolutely no merit in him rolling in that stuff like that! If I were his owner I think I would have made him wait in the boot room until he had cleaned himself up a little! If I had left little dollops, well big dollops actually, like that all over the place I think The Owner may have had an opinion on the matter. So I'm not really understanding at the moment why it is that I am confined to the tack room over this! It's dark now, I hope The Owner hasn't forgotten about me, it's awfully quiet out there.
Hellooooo!!!
The Floaters
The nerve of some people! On patrol this morning to work and just wandering past the pond looking for a suitable post to unload the bladder on. (I can't manage for quite as long as I used to since the overload required to cover up the destruction of my territory caused by the hounds last week.) When you could have knocked me down with an empty Bonio box! Just because a piece of wood will float there is no need to prove it by throwing it in MY pond! The Owner has been in once this year which he will probably reason is enough for him and so it will fall to me to drag it out I suppose. Such responsibility I bear!
No Oil = Cold House
This is the second night running! Fire lit, candles lit, the rest of that bottle and a book. The good thing is I get the carpet in front of the fire again, which is just as well as the heating oil did run out as HE forgot to order it and the rest of the house is cold.
No Oil = Cold House
This is the second night running! Fire lit, candles lit, the rest of that bottle and a book. The good thing is I get the carpet in front of the fire again, which is just as well as the heating oil did run out as HE forgot to order it and the rest of the house is cold.
The Owner Visits The Pond
Let me just say from the start, I am in the boot room, door closed. I can throw no light whatsoever on The Owner's behaviour last night, he sat there all evening crunching on a burnt pizza (of which he gave me none), slurping at his wine glass periodically, burping, then spouting Shakespearean sonnets to no-one in particular.
It wasn't the usual over indulgence of wine, as when I did a quick patrol of the living room carpet this morning for crumbs, I happened to notice that the bottle was still half full. This morning on patrol he stopped near the pond and after a while stepped up to the edge, threw his had back and looked at the sky as if about to compose the sonnet that Shakespeare forgot to write. To be fair I was looking for an opportunity to accidentally nudge him off balance but nature has a wonderful way of intervening at these moments to create that for which you yearn. He hadn't taken his blood pressure pills this morning before we left and throwing his head back like that caused him to have a dizzy moment and lose his balance and fall straight in the pond. When he surfaced, looking a little silly with that weed on his shoulders, I was the first thing he saw and so by association it must have been my fault!
I am now in the boot room, there is a trail of water spreading across the kitchen floor emanating from a heap of sodden clothes and two boots and The Owner is upstairs lounging in a hot bath. I think there could be more grumbling when he gets out as I can hear the heating pumping but the radiator is cold; I fear he may have forgotten to order any oil again. This could be a very long day!
It wasn't the usual over indulgence of wine, as when I did a quick patrol of the living room carpet this morning for crumbs, I happened to notice that the bottle was still half full. This morning on patrol he stopped near the pond and after a while stepped up to the edge, threw his had back and looked at the sky as if about to compose the sonnet that Shakespeare forgot to write. To be fair I was looking for an opportunity to accidentally nudge him off balance but nature has a wonderful way of intervening at these moments to create that for which you yearn. He hadn't taken his blood pressure pills this morning before we left and throwing his head back like that caused him to have a dizzy moment and lose his balance and fall straight in the pond. When he surfaced, looking a little silly with that weed on his shoulders, I was the first thing he saw and so by association it must have been my fault!
I am now in the boot room, there is a trail of water spreading across the kitchen floor emanating from a heap of sodden clothes and two boots and The Owner is upstairs lounging in a hot bath. I think there could be more grumbling when he gets out as I can hear the heating pumping but the radiator is cold; I fear he may have forgotten to order any oil again. This could be a very long day!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
