On Birthdays

This weekend has left me with one or two little conundrums! Firstly, birthdays. Why do hoomuns celebrate birthdays and why do they always cheat when it comes to telling everyone how many they have had?

Now I know that when I have a birthday The Owner tells me that it goes up in sevens. At the weekend it was Pub Landlady's birthday and so on Sunday lunchtime we went to wish her a Happy Birthday (and have more drink!) and I distinctly remember last year and I remember how old she told everyone she was, so why was everyone trying to make her feel better by telling her that she was only one year older? I know she should have been seven years older! My second conundrum was Burns night. Why do hoomuns celebrate someone getting burnt? Every time The Owner gets burnt on the wood burner (which is often) he doesn't do any celebrating. He dances around the living room carpet a lot holding his hand or his knee on these occasions but as far as I know he doesn't celebrate the anniversary. He would probably be celebrating every night if that were the case. Nevertheless he went out on Saturday night to celebrate Burns night and that was probably the most strange event I think he has ever taken me to. There were men there wearing skirts!!!! And everyone was going round saying things that I didn't understand and then laughing loudly as if at their own jokes. As for that man wearing a skirt with some animal under his arm that was wailing loudly. To be fair, if he was blowing loudly through a stick in me I fear I may have a less than favourable opinion on the matter myself. When he got home he kept rushing around the house holding his belly and his mouth making some very strange noises and was still doing the same the next morning when I got up for my breakfast. It all seems very strange to me!