Visiting Lots of Hoomun Friends

Yesterday I had a very good day! So much I did, so many people I saw, so many places I hadn't seen for far too long.

It started the previous evening when The Owner arrived back at the cottage in Phlee Dog Owner's car, but then left it out the front of the cottage and came in and went to bed. Early the following morning he was up again and he put me in the back of Phlee Dog Owner's car (I love cars, they are my favourite and I was so excited I had to wee up the gate post) and off we went, a long way, and then we picked up Diesel Dog Daughter! He drove a little bit further and then I was left in the car on my own, that was ok too as I like cars, had I mentioned that? When he returned he had not only Diesel Dog Daughter with him but Small Boy as well! Although he did smell of hospitals! We left Small Boy in the car park, I think he must have had an ooops and was being punished and in the absence of a boot room I guess the car park was next best thing. The Owner must have forgiven him as we soon went back for him and he had a bag with him this time so we all went to Owners Dad's next.

I managed to thieve some of Cat's food before The Owner chased me off so that was good. Then Horse turned up! Horse brought Owner's Sister and Mechanic too! Yet more excitement was to follow when Diesel Dog Daughter gave me a present which I was, frankly, less than enamoured with! Nail clippers for the K9! A bath one day, claws trimmed the next! This was not turning out so well! It turned out far worse for Horse when Owners Sister picked up my K9 nail clippers and turned towards Horse with a, frankly, far too gleeful look in her eye for my liking!

I offer the picture as a sort of before and after image. This was me after my nails had been trimmed and before Owners Sister pounced upon Horse. You will notice my neatly manicured claws and the somewhat unkempt condition of Horse's claws. All in all a thoroughly rewarding day, marred only by the brief incident with the nails. Oh yes, and the slightly regrettable incident with Owners Dad's sherry glass when Cat realised I was there.

Bath Time Again

That's it! I am officially over Christmas! I am over hoomuns! I am over The Owner!

The Owner, as already reported, was up in a strange frame of mind this morning. I soon learned why when he stole my comfy cushion and put it in the washing machine. The day got worse, he disappeared upstairs to "Make myself beautiful!" as he puts it. I chose a small square of carpet to curl up on in the absence of my comfy cushion whilst he was out of the way. Then suddenly I hear him calling me from upstairs. Well after my experience at Volvo Hoomun's house yesterday where I discovered that there are sometimes armchairs and stuff upstairs I was eager to check it out so went off upstairs in answer to his call. That was when I discovered his betrayal! He put me in the bath!!!! He seems to think he can justify it by telling me I smell sweeter, I think I smell like a camel. When he reached out of the bathroom door to get my towel he left a little crack in the door unguarded and I escaped. I take a little solace from being able to get dirty water sprayed up the landing walls, the stairwell walls, the dining room, the kitchen and it's probably best that I don't mention the living room here as it's appearance seems to bring on an attack of the vapours from The Owner.

Chrisssmuss Morning in Swindon

Well yesterday answered several questions in my quest to understand the hoomun condition but posed several other conundrums for which I have absolutely no explanation!

Yesterday, The Owner came down the stairs as usual, except it was without the customary grumbling, he was singing! Singing about a Silent Night, which with his nocturnal grumblings and snoring is something unheard of in these parts. When I was let out of the boot room it came as something of a shock as he was wearing a piece of tinsel! Little else as it happened, as he fumbled around in the tumble dryer for his robe which he had forgotten to take out last night. Well if that was a bad way to start the day it got better, saying far too many "Yo ho ho's" to be plausible he presented me with the remains of my kangaroo chews that were posted to me from Oztraylia and also a packet of chews from my anonymous admirer known only as BH7 (Could be Blood Hound although I don't think they are numbered). I was immediately in trouble as The Owner left both packets unguarded whilst he made himself tea. Well they were mine!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been particularly careful not to twitch in my sleep ever since so as not to give The Owner any ammunition about Skippy again! We were collected soon by Volvo Hoomun and taken to his house, which appeared to be near Swindon! I like visiting houses, even in Swindon, so I wee'd up the door post to let others know I am about and went in, where I met Lady Volvo Owner, Volvo Daughter and Mother. They fed The Owner and made him wear a paper hat which made him look quite silly but he didn't seem to mind. I have made a note that there wasn't even a sausage for me, reprisals may follow! I was then allowed upstairs!!! They didn't have beds for me to lie on with duvets and stuff upstairs but they had armchairs! Even I know that armchairs go downstairs! As I believe I may have mentioned before, anything seems to go when you are in Swindon! Compton Bassett seems a very safe place to be I think, you know where you stand when you are in Compton Bassett.

The Kangaroo Chews

The Owner is being a little uncharitable towards me today and keeps calling me Skippy!

Yesterday a big parcel arrived from Oztralia. Now I have noticed just north of here is a place call New Zealand and The Owner tells me that Oztrailia is near New Zealand so I ought to try and keep an eye open to see the signs when next we go that way. In this parcel was some K9 chews with Kangaroo on the packet. Well I have looked them up on the laptop at home and they are indeed some strange looking critters! I mean, what happened to the rest of their front legs?!! So while The Owner was out of the way, and the packet of Kangaroo chews were unguarded, I nibbled the corner of the packet and "Borrowed" one. Well they were mine!!!! Sherlock Holmes (AKA, The Owner) of course noticed straight away. How does he do that whenever I have been doing stuff he thinks I shouldn't do? Kangaroo chew inside me and telling off out of the way I opted to go and have a lie down on my comfy cushion, just for a few minutes. Well I fell asleep didn't I? Well there I was, in my dream, running through the paddock chasing Lady Chocolate Lab, when The Owner wakes me up with his laughing whilst pointing a finger at me telling me to stop twitching. Ever since he has been calling me Skippy!

I think he walk like a camel, smells a bit like one too!

Bath Time

Do you see what I have to put up with?!?!

A Tail of Two Fires

What a busy time we have had, The Owner and me! Well actually it is The Owner who has been the busy one and I have been gainfully employed in keeping out of the way as it happens. Two things, and both, strangely, to do with fire! You may remember how Toaster got a little bit over the top in trying to upset The Owner's day at the start by burning his toast , along with much of the kitchen hanging cupboards. Well, I knew it had overstepped the mark and I was right, it was unceremoniously dropped in the wheelie bin. I wee'd on the bin later to signify my wish to be seen as siding with The Owner in his decision, just in case I overstep the mark myself one day and hope that he will remember and not throw me in there as well! So a visit to B&Q was in order for new units (and a sausage from Burger Van Hoomun when The Owner wasn't watching) after a quick stop by Curry's for a new toaster! When we returned home there was much unpacking of boxes and it was all going well until he went to get his electric drill/screwdriver. Battery flat! Boxes cleared away and wine bottle produced to while away the hour waiting for the charger to do its thing. I couldn't help but wonder whether the wine was a mistake, as we now have wall units that even I can see are not level. So much so that all the cups move to one side of the cupboard and the door keeps falling open! Now, the next fire. You may recall the eviction of my woodburner and the reinstatement of the open fire, together with all the hazards associated with it, like sparks and hot embers....oh yes, and smoke! The Owner has been back to B&Q and bought some bricks and some mud to stick them together with, and a big piece of metal (and another sausage from Burger Van Hoomun, but don't tell The Owner!). After much screwing (screwdriver charged up this time and no wine!) The Owner had fixed this big piece of metal across the top of the fireplace and then mixed up some of that mud stuff in the fireplace to stick all the bricks together. I feel Lady Cleaner Hoomun may have an opinion on mixing mud indoors when she comes later in the week but we'll see. The Owner arranged all the bricks and was very upset that some of them smell of wee! Now you see why I have kept out of the way? Well it was a heap of bricks in the garden and they are usually fair game for weeing up! After much banging and mixing The Owner stood up to survey the fruits of his labours and I must admit it did look quite nice and he ruffled the hair on my head and said "There we are Jack, that should stop the smoke!". So that was what this was all about! It didn't! Now I have mud, which The Owner calls Seement, stuck in my hairs on top of my head as well and I am worried in case I am seen out and about until I can get it out of my hair!

The Owner and an Icy Morning

This morning the expression "He who laughs last laughs longest", seemed to come to mind. When we left for morning patrol I observed the first proper frost of the winter, but temporarily forgot about the effects of frost upon the water. There had been quite a lot of water laying about over night, the result of a couple of heavy showers during the evening, which the frost had turned to ice. My exitthrough the gate, with great excitement, was a somewhat ungainly affair and I ended up on my back with legs and tails going in all the wrong directions whilst The Owner laughed very loudly and pointed a lot. We continued the patrol, with me trying very hard to resist the urge to sulk over the insensitive way The Owner had behaved at my predicament and in fact was continuing to behave that way! As we got to the pond (still without water) The Owner did a kind of little hop to get over the bank by the ditch and he too stepped on ice and fell on his back and waved his legs in the air a lot. I suffered in silence whilst The Owner made much of the whole affair and has been limping and whincing with every movement, eager for someone to notice his plight and ask how he is or something. Fortunately, no-one has obliged, so he may lose interest before long. I did manage to have a quick chomp on something a bit tasty that was lying under the hedge earlier. Come coffee time, I went up to The Owner for a little affection and mainly just to let him know I was there and not to forget my Bonio (I always have a Bonio when he has his coffee) when suddenly he went a funny colour and sent me under the desk out of his way!! It was only a little burp! Hardly worth all that fuss I thought! He has been ignoring me for the rest of the day. I think he smells like a camel!