My World is not good

This has not been the most auspicious start to any of my days I have ever had. After the "theft" by The Owner of my comfy cushion last night and wilful destruction of the same by placing it in the washing machine with soap and smelly stuff and turning it on.

Then the subsequent discovery of not only his hat, which I had only slightly chewed, and his tatty old jacket, but several other little treats I had squirrelled away under there for my personal pleasure. He has of course also discovered without any doubt that it was me who thieved his chicken, left in the sun one evening to thaw out by way of certain "evidence" hidden under my cushion, which he waved accusingly under my nose. I took myself off to the boot room after all that. This morning, I took myself off for the early patrol and returned to be reminded that there was only bare floor where my cushion would normally be. It seemed a fitting replacement would be one of his cushions off the settee. You know, the ones made of velvet. As soon as he saw me, I was getting a strange vibe from him. Even more so when he unceremoniously evicted me from the cushion by whipping it out from under me like a magician with a table cloth. So I sat, on bare carpet, disconsolately watching the telly, when there was this article on the news about my nemesis. Ducks! And they were laughing at me as they swam about their pond. I think I may go and find a hedge to sit under somewhere.....