Saucepans and Bonios

Today there are two of us at the cottage, both nursing headaches, but from entirely different causes as it happens. The Owner is the predictable one, he spent last night slurping on copious quantities of "a rather fine wine with delicate hints of autumn fruitfulness". And a kebab! I only realise the quantities involved because as I burst forth from the boot room door when he opened it for me this morning, I managed to knock the empties all over the kitchen floor! My eagerness to get out was due in no small part to the fact that his lordship was either incapable or unwilling to take me on my late evening patrol to relieve the pressure a little. My payback was that the noise of a dozen empty bottles scattering across the hard stone kitchen floor was a little too much for his delicate frame of mind already. My own headache didn't arrive until later. My food being thrown into the stainless steel dish was also a noise too hard to bear and The Owner went for a lie down leaving me to ponder how I was going to supplement the half measures thrown in the general direction of my dish. It didn't take me long before my gaze happened upon several boxes of my Bonios on the shelf where The Owner put them after he stole them from my grasp when Postman delivered them as a gift from the hoomuns that make Bonio. I paced the kitchen as I plotted my plot and decided in the end that a full on charge would be the best option for my attack. So withdrawing to the dining room I began my charge. Across the dining room, through the kitchen door and across the kitchen. Rounding the corner by the dishwasher my plan began to unravel! I was pushing hard and digging deep to get sufficient traction for the jump. However I hadn't allowed for the plastic carrier bag lying on the floor by the larder door. My launch was not as efficient as I had imagined it might have been and instead of making it as high as the middle shelf and the Bonio boxes, I ploughed headlong into the bottom shelf and all the saucepans and casserole dishes. Unable to gain any traction from either the shelf, or the air that surrounded it, I slid back down to the floor with a very loud crash. Followed of course by the saucepans, their lids and a host of other casserole dishes and assorted kitchen appliances. Now, I know there are many questions that baffle the hoomun mind, like why does the toast always land marmalade side down and others, but I have today found another one to add to that ever growing list. If you and a saucepan (or several), start from the same point (the shelf), travelling in the same direction (down); why do you always get to the floor first and always land directly under where the saucepans have decided to land? The noise of course awoke the slumbering hulk otherwise known as The Owner. So now, not only did I get just half a breakfast but I have a headache too, and the Bonios are now on the top shelf and beyond all hope of my reach. I think I am off to the feed sheds in case anyone is interested, it's dark in there!