The Owner's Cramp

After yesterdays insensitivity on the part of The Owner when he caught me exploring the lavender (yuk and double phew) I spent the evening wishing his leg would fall off and imagine my surprise and panic when I thought I had achieved it! The Owner will tell everyone who is foolish enough to ask that he doesn't go to bed until midnight. Although that is strictly true it doesn't stop him falling asleep in the armchair at half past nine and there he will stay, snoring for England until the fire has gone out and the evening chill wakes him again. Last night the routine was as normal until, mid snore, he jumps up and jumps around the living room shouting at the top of his voice clutching his leg. Well I was convinced my wishing his leg would fall off had been just a little too successful so I made for the boot room straight away, just in case he worked out my involvement in his predicament. The rumpus had not subsided after several minutes so I ventured a quick peak around the corner and noticed that fortunately his leg was still attached so I was off the hook for that at least. I couldn't say the same about the furniture though! The Owner was rolling around the floor clutching his leg shouting at the top of his voice "Cramp Jack! Cramp!!!!" I had no idea what cramp was before and I am still not entirely sure but The Owner has been milking it all day today limping loudly (and yes you can limp loudly, or at least The Owner can) until someone, anyone asked him if he had hurt himself. After half an hour of indepth descriptive prose on the intensity of the pain, his victim loses the will to live and wanders off to find something else to do, anything else to do really. I think I will do the same in case he breaks any more table legs this evening. I can still smell lavender from yesterday!!!