It's a new dawn, it's a new day - and I'm feeling good!

The Dyson!!!!!!

I was set about earlier today by that ruddy Dyson. I swear it has a mind and can move by itself! The Owner and I came shuffling up the road at lunch time, now normally I would have been bouncing athletically from sniff to sniff whilst The Owner does the shuffling but today, well frankly, I couldn't be bothered so I gave the impression that I was walking dutifully to heel.

When we got back he potters around the kitchen and makes himself a sandwich and pours himself a cup of tea then grumbles off through the dining room to go and watch the news whilst he absent mindedly spills the contents of the sandwich down his shirt. Now I get quite excited at this point because whatever he spills I get to clear up. If he talks to anyone about it he tells them that he doesn't understand it as there is never anything on the floor and yet he has managed to get certain stains on his shirt. Well with my lightening reactions where a wayward crumb or two is concerned it doesn't take a brain surgeon to work it out does it! Anyway, I'm sorry I digress, he was wandering through the dining room with me bouncing excitably on his heels when we had to go past the Dyson, left out after clearing up the remains of last nights little accident with a plate of rice for which I hold no responsibility but apparently all of the blame. Just as we passed it I could have sworn it moved! More out of blind panic than any reasoned attempt to escape I shot forward to get away from it and straight into the back of The Owner's legs. Just as well he left the Dyson out as it happened, I thought, with all that mess now on the carpet.

The Mouse and Shakespeare

I have a new best friend called Mouse! He doesn't realise he is, but I can see he clearly has my best interests at heart. Last night The Owner had his tea early which means by late evening he will be getting bored. By the time the sun went down he is flicking from channel to channel on the telly, clearly bored.

So on goes the DVD player, innocent enough you may think? Let me explain; when I moved here from Lord Bath's estate (had I mentioned that I was born and trained on his estate?) I had never seen the inside of a hoomun home and had no idea of the concept of a telly. It took me some time to get my head around where the chimpanzees were inside his telly that week, but I eventually got my head around that. It took a little longer to understand the washing machine and I had to have an opinion on that once or twice. Anyway, TV understood, he, The Owner, finds it funny to introduce me to the concept of surround sound. Well, the surround sound speaker stands behind my comfy cushion and I was out of there pretty damn quick when the chimpanzee that hitherto had been inside the TV was suddenly having a lot to say from behind me! Last night, Mouse had chewed through the wire to my surround sound speaker and The Owner was clearly disappointed when he turned it on and it didn't have the usual effect of the sound wave blowing all the hair on my back against the grain towards my nose. After much duct tape and swearing and the wire with a big lump in it like a worm with a knot in it's tail, the customary "Wump" of the big speakers was heard as they were turned on. Last night it was Shakespeare and I now understand why Small Boy has such an aversion to all things Shakespearean. If he loves the woman why can't he just say so? Instead we have two paragraphs of waffle that I barely understood and all at ear-splitting volume! The Owner is of course in raptures over it.
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee.
It doesn't mention the effect on my ears this morning does it?

A Philosophy from Jack

One day you're a peacock, the next you're a feather duster!
Choose your path wisely

The Odd Broken Dish or Two

I have come out of the way until the dust has settled a little out in the kitchen. I have noticed that The Owner has a tendency to just shove the clean dishes into the cupboard with no particular thought for any sense of order. It was ok when Owner's daughter was here sorting out the house for The Owner's return as she put everything in a proper place.

Now I was a little resentful of the intrusion at the time because I know how The Owner gets frustrated by tidiness and I was anxious that his return home should not do anything that would cause any anxiety. But I admit that the benefits grew on me a little and it did to a degree with The Owner as well. Now, apart from the odd intrusion of order when Owner's Daughter comes up for the day, the cupboards have lapsed into their former state of confusion as The Owner stuffs dishes and plates wherever he can see a bit of shelf or stack of other dishes and plates that look as though it may be able to accommodate another one on top. Personally, I always felt that all his glass roasting dishes balanced on top of his little breakfast dishes was an accident waiting to happen, but I'm a K9 (with breeding), what do I know? This morning he was up early again, which is always a recipe for a disaster later in the day (he tires easily), and the dishwasher was for a while the object of his attentions. Everything was unloaded and put into the disorganised chaos inside the cupboard. He was doing himself a bacon sandwich out there, so apart from the cooker now being awash with grease and oil which will invoke a severe case of frowning when Owner's Daughter next visit's, he opened the cupboard door for a plate........ and the dam broke. Plates, pirex, glass and tins all came out of the cupboard like a tsunami across the kitchen floor. I thought it interesting how those pyrex dishes seemed to explode as they went. There has been much cursing going on out there which is why I have kept out of the way, just in case any came my way. But now he is sitting looking through the freebie papers for car boot sales, those that he hasn't been banned from, to see if he can replenish the cupboards with dishes and plates. The good news is that he has forgotten about his bacon sandwich which by now will be cold so I think that may be coming my way a bit later when he finds it again.

My New Duvet

I appear to be in the do-do AGAIN! In fact of late I appear to have been permanently in the do-do, it's only the depth that has varied. Yesterday's do-do has had an unexpectedly beneficial outcome, something befitting the status of one who has breeding. Have I mentioned before that I was born and trained on Lord Bath's estate?

The night before last, quite late, he, The Owner, was asleep on the couch pretending to be watching the telly so I took myself off for a quick patrol of the garden. It was dark outside, really dark! On my patrol I happened upon something organic in the garden, although exactly what, I was unsure, as it was very dark. Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth I had a quick munch but the taste was not one I was familiar with so I was none the wiser as to its origin. Upon my return The Owner had stirred and was busy closing the house for the night so I retired to the boot room and snuggled up on my duvet. At some point during the night, and it caught me quite by surprise, my unexpected supper came back for an encore. Now I just knew that this was not going to go down well with The Owner so I tried desperately to hide it under my duvet but there was so much of it that it was sort of seeping out round the edges. When The Owner came down yesterday morning to let me out he didn't notice it at first, well, not until he trod on the edge of the duvet which leaked what was lurking underneath it and got all over his foot. I did check again in the light of day but I have to say that I am still not sure what it was. You may recall how the washing machine was on the blink, for which I was not responsible, which made cleaning my duvet one step beyond where The Owner was prepared to go for me so my duvet and half a tonne of soiled newspaper was deposited unceremoniously in the bin. I think Binman Hoomun may have a bit of a surprise this week when he has a quick nose through the contents of our bin to see if there is anything useful before it gets thrown in the back of the lorry. I think I may keep out of the way then. If they yuk and phew only half as much as The Owner did when he cleared it up I think I may not be very popular. Now I had some concerns whilst watching this about what I was going to lie on last night and was beginning to think that it may be the cold floor, but The Owner gave me a new duvet! Made of silk!!!!!! Now one is very posh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Owner Plays Golf

Yesterday afternoon The Owner received a phone call which seemed to induce much excitement and good humour as he quickly locked up the studio and we shuffled off down the road towards the cottage. There then followed much rummaging at the back of his wardrobe util he re-emerged, triumphant, holding up a pair of very strange shoes. Bright colours with tassels and spikes on the bottom.

They looked quite dangerous to me and I was not about to try and sniff them, mainly coz there was a lot of cobwebs in them and presumably several spiders, both of which have made my nose itch when sniffed at in the past. After a bit more rummaging he liberated a pair of the brightest patterned trousers I had ever seen! I need to watch this as I think more of his bizarre hoomun behaviour was going to follow. I was right, we went to play golf! Now I have never been to play golf before and judging by what followed The Owner hasn't either. I sat and watched carefully as all The Owners friends hit their little white balls down the strip of short grass. The Owner's first swing missed! Not the short grass; but the ball. It stayed resolutely on top of that little red spike he had pushed in the ground and balanced it on. Third attempt and he connected to the ball, which disappeared into the trees and the long grass. And as his friends disappeared out of sight hitting their little white balls as they went, The Owner was rummaging around in the grass looking for his. He also got shouted at for getting in the way of the group (who, by the way, were wearing the same strange colourful trousers as he was) that was following behind. I was curious, as I sat watching, as to exactly why he was searching for his ball over there when it was lying between my paws where it had landed. I tried to help! When he looked over in my direction I picked it up so he could see where it was. Well there was no need to say rude words like that!!!!!! I was only trying to help!!!! I don't understand hoomun ball games at all. My ball games are simple, you throw ball, I fetch it....you throw ball, I fetch it......you throw ball, I get fed up and wander off, you fetch ball. Simples! Then Grumpy Man with Hat came up and told The Owner he was causing an obstruction and asked him to leave the course. As we wandered back to the club house I was getting the distinct vibe that I was not popular over something. He may be sickening for something again I think. When we got home he threw his brightly coloured trousers in the washing machine along with one or two other items, put the soap and other stuff in all the right holes and poured himself a large glass of wine and went and found "somewhere to unwind". I couldn't help but feel, as I sat watching the machine trying to fill up, that all that water would have been better off inside it and it wasn't supposed to be flooding out from underneath and across the kitchen floor and on into the dining room. I'd go and attract his attention, but I don't want to get wet paws. When it gets to the living room door he'll probably notice.