Chaos at The Barbie

Last night The Owner took me to another barbie. Before we went he had a barf, I hate barf's! Then he sprayed stuff all over him, he smelled funny after that. When we got there we walked in and I was hopeful of a tasty morsel or two and then there she was, across a crowded garden, through a sea of hoomun legs, Lady Chocolate Labrador!

So I found the best stick I could and picked it up and took it over and gave it to her. She picked it up! That was it! She loves me! I thought I'd impress her further by doing my silly run round the garden, it always makes The Owner laugh and Lady Chocolate Lab started to follow. This was starting to go well although I did notice The Owner wasn't laughing much! Well how was I to know that Old Lady Hoomun was going to be trying to carry a tray of burgers down the patio steps as I came around the corner pursued by my new love interest? We were both sent back to our owners cars and our owners were asked to leave so they drove to a pub. The Owner and Lady Chocolate Lab Owner sat at a table in the garden laughing and drinking and doing hoomun stuff for a long time but we were left in our separate cars. I wonder if she was sent to her boot room when she got home as well?

The Shopping Trip

Well, I'm not sure if equilibrium has been restored or not. The Owner is still wandering around the place singing..... badly. But we do need to find another shop to be my favourite where we get my food from.

We have a big box of Bonios and an even bigger box of Markies, as well as my sack of food. He bought me one of those retrieve dummy things like Lord Bath used to give me to work with and a funny ball thrower thing and a big new cushion and another dog whistle. That makes four whistles he has, although I am not sure how many times he would be able to whistle from the same mouth!

It was when we got to the checkout that it all went horribly wrong. It seems that the price they charged him for my feed was a pound different to what was marked on the shelf as some hoomun youff had not changed the label on the shelf but he had to prove a point and call the manager. Remind me never to go shopping with The Owner again!

Off to my Favourite Shop

I think today is going to be a good day! He has been unnervingly happy since the other evening. We are off to my favourite shop ever today! The one where he gets the big bags of dried food for me. After the last bag which I managed to get tipped over and so had to clear it up myself and get Small Boy the blame for it didn't last so long as normal, would ordinarilly have brought on a whole load of huffing, sighing and grumbling, but this time he seems happy about it! He gets my Bonios from there too, Bonios are my favourite, had I mentioned that? He tells me he is going to get me a present from there as well, I don't think I have ever had a present! Do dogs do presents? I think I'll go and get in the car now, just to be sure.

The Lady Chocolate Lab

Went out with The Owner last night to a hall and there were lots of people there listening to two women. I thought the chances of a Bonio were quite high, and then I saw her, across the crowded room, a lady labrador, chocolate, it was love at first sight! I thought The Owner would have at least got me close to her so we could have a good sniff as dogs do when they meet.

I always try and do the right thing for him and act all cute and cuddly when he sees another lady hoomun so that he can get the chance to talk to her! Then I noticed what the problem was going to be. Her owner was a lady hoomun, blonde and skinny, just the type he usually plays up to. So he told them all my embarrassing little mistakes and made her laugh lots. Lady Chocolate Lab didn't want anything to do with me afterwards, how embarrassing was that? He was singing in the car all the way home, I think I heard him say he was seeing her again next week sometime. That gives me time to plot my revenge! If he wants an embarrassing dog, I'll give him embarrassing! I've taken myself off to the boot room, part in protest and part to get away from his singing.

The Return of The Big Yellow Machine

The man with the big yellow digger is back on the farm digging more holes. Knowing that on his last visit my attempt at watering his holes in my own particular style was less than welcomed and also bearing in mind the amount of water which sprayed from something deep in one of his holes, I opted to keep well clear.

Postman is about to make his first delivery since the last regrettable incident and I had already had that warning finger wagged at me a few times. Well, man in yellow digger was driving down past the office when Postman came up the track, so I ran out to greet him hopeful of a Bonio. Man in yellow digger swerved in what I felt was a very exaggerated fashion. Now we have a big hole in the side of the office, Postman has gone home to change his trousers again and Farmer has given The Owner a letter which appears to be addressed to Bill. It can't be a very nice letter to Bill as The Owner has his head in his hands again and appears to be crying. I can't help feeling that they are all blaming me! I'll be in the calf shed if anyone wants me!

The Bloomin' Roses

The Owner was around the garden till quite late last night sniffing at the roses and standing back and admiring etc. Enough to make a dog feel quite nauseous! He came in as dusk settled over the cottage with pollen dusted all over his nose and then started sneezing. He had the nerve to blame me and my hairs for his condition, cheek!

Knowing that it was the pollen dust that caused it I set out this morning to help rectify the problem and 'p'd on all the blooms. It took quite some doing with just the one bladder full of wee, but I managed! He came out the front door and made a bee-line for the rose blooms again and stuffed his nose straight in the first one he came across which just happened to be one that I had watered earlier. He started pulling funny faces and "Phew",ing a lot. I did check it later but it smelled ok to me. I think he's just getting choosey!

The Owners Dads Barbecue

Went to see The Owner's Dad yesterday. The Owner's Dad has a cat. Now , I like cats but I do sometimes find that cats don't understand me! I hadn't seen Cat for quite a while when we got there and the barbie was in full swing. There were tables loaded with little pots and jars of stuff and a big plate of burgers and sausages that I particularly had my eye on.

But I couldn't find the opportunity to get one knocked to the ground without drawing attention to myself. The Owner kept telling everyone not to feed me saying, "He prefers his dried food when he gets home". I mean who is he trying to kid? Anyway, Cat appeared eventually and came to join the gathered throng and jumped up on The Owners Dad's lap. It was at exactly that point that Cat must have seen me and changed direction rapidly using its claws to grip on The Owner's Dad's lap and then launch itself straight across the table, through the plate of burgers most of which landed right in front of me on the floor. The Owners Dad stood up rapidly, grabbing his groin and protesting about claws and pain and stuff, knocking the remaining pots down as well. I tried valiantly to clear the mess up for them, cat hasn't been seen since! I reckon he'll be in the boot room for a week when he shows up again! The Owner was sent down the KFC for replacement food. I must team up with Cat again!