Having an Inspeckshun

Yesterday we had an inspeckshun at the new cottage! I have never had one of them before and was a little unsure of what to expect from it. We have now had the inspeckshun and to be honest I am still a little less than clear on what one of them is. For two days beforehand he has been plaguing me with that ruddy Dyson and a selection of buckets and mops. If it was shiny it has been mopped and if it was anything else then it was Dysonned. You can see my dilemma having both a a shiny nose and furry undercarriage but I managed to survive most of it. By teatime on the night before our inspeckshun even I could see the benefits of his efforts as the cottage and garden looked very nice and he flopped down on the settee with a glass of wine in one hand (and nothing in the other to be honest but I felt I ought to clarify that). One glass drank, he now has a bottle in the other hand and so another glass is poured and he was sat there eyeing up the remainder of the bottle when the boiler made its opinions known and started making some very strange noises. The Owner tried to ignore it but its opinions became louder and it started to make some very strange smells. The Owner went into the kitchen to investigate. Well I wasn't! I have never seen a boiler get into a paddy over anything and I was not sure what to expect. There was much swearing coming from the kitchen so I ventured to poke my nose around the corner and was somewhat alarmed to note that the boiler was wheezing black smoke and soot from every crack and fissure. The Owner went outside and spent a while looking up at the chimney which is where a lot of black snow seemed to be falling from. The evening was not going well! 

He tried to ignore it and concentrate on the matter in hand, his wine glass, but gave that up when his eyes were streaming so badly from the fumes that he looked like he had just watched an episode of DIY SOS. He gave in and turned the boiler off and in the morning Plumber Hoomun was summoned to give the boiler a stiff talking to. Plumber Hoomun brought in his vacuum cleaner which was not a ruddy Dyson, but he affectionately referred to it as Henry. So they must be friends (I thought). It got worse! Henry was about to be written off Plumber Hoomuns (and The Owners) Christmas card list as he burst his bag and sent clouds of black soot into the air only to settle on the kitchen floor, work surfaces and anything else which had a upward facing surface including me! With the air thick with soot, dust and profanities, there was a knock at the door and Inspeckshun Agent Hoomun turned up. The Owners day was going from bad to worse and although it was raining at the time he wandered off up the garden and sat under the tree on his bench with a mug of tea and left Inspeckshun Agent Hoomun and Plumber Hoomun to argue about the dust and soot in the new cottage. I did look through the door but the argument was still raging inside so I opted for the safer option and went and sat beside him in the garden. He was feeling a little subdued that afternoon which was ok as I did get an extra Bonio out of it, so the day turned out ok in the end. But I think I am in no particular hurry to understand inspeckshuns further!