My Weekend

This weekend has been one of great excitement and it's a job to know where to begin to be honest. At the beginning I guess? Saturday morning The Owner came grumbling down the stairs and after a brief shouting match with a recalcitrant toaster we headed for the studio. Nothing unusual so far you will be thinking I am sure. After a brief shouting match with his computer he grabbed some keys I haven't seen before, locked up the studio and and walked to the small car park and opened..... A van!!!!! I like vans for two reasons, 1) I can sit much higher on the seats, to a height befitting my status, and 2) ...... I can lick the windscreen!!!! The Owner had a strange smile across his face as he drove the van down the road, strange in that it doesn't happen so often. He even waved happily at Police Hoomun as we entered Devizes. He doesn't know Police Hoomun, but he waved anyway which caused a certain amount of puzzlement for Police Hoomun who then proceeded to check his buttons and zips just in case. We drove a long way along roads which were vaguely familiar to me, not in the weeing up posts kind of a way, just that I had seen them all before somewhere. After a long while during, which I cleaned most of the windscreen, and the side window (I did try and venture across The Owners side of the van at one point but it seemed less than favourably received and I didn't want to upset his seemingly happy disposition) we arrived at a house that I definitely hadn't seen before at the same time as Owners Biker Sister. You'll be pleased to know that this time she hadn't been eaten by a space alien! Then out of the house came Diesel Dog Daughter, so I wee'd on the plant by the front door which didn't seem to go down so well either. Further investigation revealed no evidence of Diesel Dog, so at least there would be no demented badger running, but it also revealed no evidence of anything at all. The house was empty!! Then there was a great amount of noise outside and a motorbike arrived with a different space alien on it. I have had some experience of these space aliens before and was a little less shocked when it took off its head, only this one appeared to have eaten Small Boy! 

It was all getting very disturbing to be honest so I went and sat in the corner and just watched. After their tea, during which I did not get even a sniff of any hoomun biscuit and they said it was for my own benefit (I think I should be the judge of that) they rushed around and got me very excited and then opened the back door. Well what do you do when you get all excited and someone opens the back door? You rush outside, that's what! I was duped I was! No sooner had I rushed outside in great excitement, than I heard the door close again behind me! Only no one was out there being excited with me! Duped I was !!!! After what seemed an age I was let back in again. I refused at first, in protest at being duped, but then someone mentioned a Bonio so they were all forgiven, obviously. When I returned inside, the previously empty house was now full of stuff and boxes which I was tempted to wee on but resisted. The Owner could see my confusion so offered some explanation by suggesting there had been a big beam of white light and all this stuff just appeared. He laughed very loudly at this but no one else did, so it was clearly one of his jokes again and I should really stop watching for further beams of white light full of boxes. 

There suddenly seemed to be great excitement outside and the door flew open as Diesel Dog launched himself through the door in a frenzy of demented badger running. He was on a lead, which seemed to be attached to an outstretched arm. The outstretched arm was in turn attached to an outstretched Diesel Dog Daughter who seemed to be joining in his demented badger running round and around the house, until The Owner rescued her and detached the lead from her arm and she sat down looking exhausted, with some cake this time. You will note that I still wasn't allowed any. Owners Biker Sister also wandered in with a soft toy under her arm, (one of those furry things with a squeaker inside it I thought) and put it on the carpet. I made note of it for future fun and play..... until it grew legs and started running around on its own! I have now met Nordstrom K9! It had far too much on its mind for my liking and I felt sure my ears were designed to help me hear. But I realise now they were intended only for Nordstrom to hang from! I can't quite manage mirrors but I feel sure if I could I would see in one properly I would now have a few rows of teeth marks in them that are strangely Nordstrom shaped. The van is such a peaceful place..... and free of Nordstrom and Diesel Dog as it happens, who was still running from room to room like a demented badger when we left some time later.