The Owners Bad Start

The Owner has had a bad start to his morning. And there was me thinking it was going to be me that had the bad start! Normally, during the week The Owner will start his day with a shower. Well actually he normally starts it with a cup of tea first which is where my story begins. Tea made, he takes it in to watch the Breakfast News on the BBC and wedges the mug between the cushions, as he normally does, and I think to myself, as I normally do, that it didn't look very safe. And do you know what? I was right! I knew I would be, as his tea mug slowly rolled over and deposited its contents on his chair cushions. I thought to myself, "He won't be liking that!" and I was right about that too! I am really on a role here I thought. He flopped down in his chair and it appeared to take a few seconds for the message to travel from his bum to his brain that all was not as it ought to be before he launched forth with a roar that any lion would have been proud of. On a different tack for a moment, may I offer the following question. How large can a hoomun bum get before it becomes and arse - discuss. Sorry, back to the story. He was clearly unsettled by the whole tea soaked bum routine and so opted for a bath this morning and I sat at a respectful distance as he ran the water. Owners Daughter had left her bubble bath bottle here so he starts slopping its contents in. Oh Lord! Lavender (Yuk and Phew) and water lilly. Well I have to say that this is not the kind of lilly pond I would want to get in! Undeterred, The Owner clambered in and sunk like a submarine beneath the waves and proceeded to read his Sunday paper. Hot baths and not enough sleep meant that he kept dropping his paper in the bubbles so he gave in and reached above his head to put his paper on the closed lavatory seat.... except it wasn't.....and then his glasses were quick to follow and it was the plop from that seemed to alert him that things were not as they ought. Retrieving them was an unnerving process. Let me just say that if he offers you croissant and serves them with tongs, be a little suspicious. Let us see what the rest of the day brings........ The omens are not good after that little lot and got worse after three attempts to walk to the studio and getting half way before stomping back to retrieve, first the phone, then his lunchtime drink, then his glasses drying on the radiator. Oh yes, and a fourth attempt to put the bins out which he had also forgot. It may be a long day I fear.