The Owner went creeping off down to the burger van earlier this morning hoping no-one would know he had gone. I like going down there coz The Hoomun Burger Van Lady always gives me a treat when she sees me and The Owner isn't watching. When we got there she had just received a delivery of fresh meat and stuff.
The Owner jumped out of the car and left the door open, thinking he had left it for me I jumped through from the back of the car and got out as well. The Hoomun Burger Van Lady was busy talking to The Owner so I went exploring around the back of the van. In one of the big boxes was a fresh catering pack of sausages! Assuming she must have thrown them out I picked them up and took them back to the car. A little later The Owner came back to the car and we drove back to the office. I opened the pack on the way and tried to select the best place to start on the string of sausages, there was miles of them! When we got back to the office The Owner opened the back of the car to let me out and had a bit of a funny turn. It seems that sausages were not what he was expecting to see in the boot with me. It also seems that The Hoomun Burger Van Lady was not what he was expecting to see driving up the track behind him either. She did seem a little more animated than when we saw her only a few minutes earlier. I am beginning to suspect that I wasn't supposed to take those sausages as The Owner has gone to the shops to buy some more. I think I'll take myself off up to the calf sheds for a while when he gets back, just to be sure!
Thursday, 17 June 2010
Wednesday, 16 June 2010
The Flower Bed
Me and The Owner went to one of his friends for a barbecue the other evening. I like barbecues, people feed me stuff when The Owner isn't looking. The Owner's Friend is particularly good at doing that! Near the barbecue their is a big wall all the way round what I took to be a flower bed, the wall is just above head height for a dog of my stature.
There was another dog there called Barnaby, he's a funny looking thing if you ask me, little tiny legs and a really long body and a lot on his mind! Well I was enjoying a good sniff around the back of this 'Flower bed' when I heard someone drop a sausage on the floor. Well, I was not about to let Barnaby get it and with his short legs he would have to go all the way around the outside of the flower bed. Me being a little more athletic, if I may be so bold as to say so, I opted to go a more direct route, up and over the top. Well no-one was more surprised than me to find that the 'Flower Bed' was in fact a big fish pond with a big net over it! The net stretched enough to let me fall in the water but I could not get enough of anything to continue my journey to the fallen sausage! All my legs were through the holes in the net and I was stuck, helpless and humiliated! To make matters worse they kept calling him a sausage dog from then on and me the non-sausage dog! The Owner still keeps bursting out laughing whenever he sees me and trying to imitate me stuck in the net. I think he looks more like a camel, he smells like one as well!
There was another dog there called Barnaby, he's a funny looking thing if you ask me, little tiny legs and a really long body and a lot on his mind! Well I was enjoying a good sniff around the back of this 'Flower bed' when I heard someone drop a sausage on the floor. Well, I was not about to let Barnaby get it and with his short legs he would have to go all the way around the outside of the flower bed. Me being a little more athletic, if I may be so bold as to say so, I opted to go a more direct route, up and over the top. Well no-one was more surprised than me to find that the 'Flower Bed' was in fact a big fish pond with a big net over it! The net stretched enough to let me fall in the water but I could not get enough of anything to continue my journey to the fallen sausage! All my legs were through the holes in the net and I was stuck, helpless and humiliated! To make matters worse they kept calling him a sausage dog from then on and me the non-sausage dog! The Owner still keeps bursting out laughing whenever he sees me and trying to imitate me stuck in the net. I think he looks more like a camel, he smells like one as well!
Monday, 14 June 2010
Reg the Paper Boy
I was in the garden nice and early on Sunday, Sunday mornings are always fun, they're my favourite. We get a lot of cyclists in funny coloured clothes pedalling by on Sundays and I can have hours of fun hiding behind the hedge waiting until they get right outside and then let fire with the big guns. It always causes a wobble or two!
I have found that if you wait until they are just saying to each other "What a lovely cottage!" and other such yucky stuff, it has best effect. One day I will manage to get one of them to wobble enough that they fall off!
Well, I had patrolled checking for badgers and squirrels and stuff like that and I was just setting myself up ready for the cyclists, when old Reg the paper boy turned up...... on his bike! Well how was I to know it was him?!?! I heard the bike and settled in anticipation of the right moment to make my move for best effect and then launched forward with heckles up..... I think The Owner has to go and collect his paper on a Sunday morning in future; and Reg seemed a little uncomfortable in the trouser department and walked his bike down the road whilst continually adjusting his trousers as he went.
I have found that if you wait until they are just saying to each other "What a lovely cottage!" and other such yucky stuff, it has best effect. One day I will manage to get one of them to wobble enough that they fall off!
Well, I had patrolled checking for badgers and squirrels and stuff like that and I was just setting myself up ready for the cyclists, when old Reg the paper boy turned up...... on his bike! Well how was I to know it was him?!?! I heard the bike and settled in anticipation of the right moment to make my move for best effect and then launched forward with heckles up..... I think The Owner has to go and collect his paper on a Sunday morning in future; and Reg seemed a little uncomfortable in the trouser department and walked his bike down the road whilst continually adjusting his trousers as he went.
Saturday, 12 June 2010
The Bandaged Head
The lump on The Owners head, I forgot to say about it! The Owner's friend Annie turned up at work the other day and I did my best sad eyes look staring at the lead as she always takes me for a walk. A pushover in the presence of such canine talent! So we went for a walk whilst The Owner got on with some printing stuff for her.
Someone has removed the badger from up on the hill which was a shame as that ought to have been getting quite edible by now! I was so excited when I got back as I always get a Bonio when I do that I went running through the door. The ink had apparently ran out whilst The Owner was printing and he was in the stationery cupboard behind the door. Well I didn't know!!!! I ran in, the door hit his bum, he stood up, (far too quickly I thought) and hit the back of his head on the door catch! Well I thought it was only a little bump! Clearly I was wrong judging by the amount of fuss he has been making ever since. I met a lot of people that I have seen before at the hospital on previous occasions. He came out with stitches and a plaster but has since opted for the full head bandage inevitably. We were sat watching a program about King Tut last night and I thought he was looking a bit like one of them mummy things! I escaped trouble as Annie was there and he didn't want to appear grumpy. I think I may save up some of my bigger accidents for when she is there again!
Someone has removed the badger from up on the hill which was a shame as that ought to have been getting quite edible by now! I was so excited when I got back as I always get a Bonio when I do that I went running through the door. The ink had apparently ran out whilst The Owner was printing and he was in the stationery cupboard behind the door. Well I didn't know!!!! I ran in, the door hit his bum, he stood up, (far too quickly I thought) and hit the back of his head on the door catch! Well I thought it was only a little bump! Clearly I was wrong judging by the amount of fuss he has been making ever since. I met a lot of people that I have seen before at the hospital on previous occasions. He came out with stitches and a plaster but has since opted for the full head bandage inevitably. We were sat watching a program about King Tut last night and I thought he was looking a bit like one of them mummy things! I escaped trouble as Annie was there and he didn't want to appear grumpy. I think I may save up some of my bigger accidents for when she is there again!
The Holes in the Neck
What to tell you about first? Should it be the lump on the back of The Owner's head or the bite marks on my neck from Lady Chocolate Lab :P?
Well the evening had been going swimmingly once we had got The Owner to shut up about being "incarcerated in that awful tomb!". Well hello, that's my bedroom you're talking about there, where I get sent for everything and for anything!
Lady Chocolate Lab Owner and The Owner were talking and drinking and doing hoomun stuff so I thought maybe now is the time to get a little closer. So I snuggled up nicely on MY cushion with Lady Chocolate Lab and started to sniff her ear a little, gently I thought! Then I got a wack across the nose from The Owner and Lady Chocolate Lab bit me on my neck! I now understand why The Owner always says that women are unfathomable! So I took myself off to the boot room, sorry, "That awful tomb", as a precaution leaving Lady Chocolate Lab curled up on MY cushion!
Wounded I am! The Owner thinks its funny of course, keeps making jokes about not drinking too much in case I leak! He has no sensitivity!
Well the evening had been going swimmingly once we had got The Owner to shut up about being "incarcerated in that awful tomb!". Well hello, that's my bedroom you're talking about there, where I get sent for everything and for anything!
Lady Chocolate Lab Owner and The Owner were talking and drinking and doing hoomun stuff so I thought maybe now is the time to get a little closer. So I snuggled up nicely on MY cushion with Lady Chocolate Lab and started to sniff her ear a little, gently I thought! Then I got a wack across the nose from The Owner and Lady Chocolate Lab bit me on my neck! I now understand why The Owner always says that women are unfathomable! So I took myself off to the boot room, sorry, "That awful tomb", as a precaution leaving Lady Chocolate Lab curled up on MY cushion!
Wounded I am! The Owner thinks its funny of course, keeps making jokes about not drinking too much in case I leak! He has no sensitivity!
Tuesday, 8 June 2010
The Owner's in the boot room!
Oh peace! For a while anyway. Front door was open and he locked back door to keep Builder out, why, escapes me as there was a stonking great hole where a windown should have been in the kitchen wall. Now, small boy has been telling him that the catch on the boot room door keeps falling off for a long time but of course he isn't going to get a new one and put money in the tills of B&Q.
Incidentally there is a burger van there who is a really nice man and always gives me a sausage when The Owner isn't looking). So the wind blows the boot room door shut with a bang whilst The Owner is in the boot room doing heaven knows what and the catch falls off! No surprise there then, ok, so it may have been helped to bang shut a little by an exuberant tail swishing! So there he stayed until Lady Chocolate Labrador and Lady Chocolate Lab Owner arrive. Eager to see that all the seats and cushions wer going to comfortable enough for them I took the opportunity to try all of them. The Owner did look quite pathetic when they arrived and let him out. He has been milking it ever since telling anyone who will listen about an incident in his early childhood when he was imprisoned by a bully. Yeah!?!?! Once upon a time....
Incidentally there is a burger van there who is a really nice man and always gives me a sausage when The Owner isn't looking). So the wind blows the boot room door shut with a bang whilst The Owner is in the boot room doing heaven knows what and the catch falls off! No surprise there then, ok, so it may have been helped to bang shut a little by an exuberant tail swishing! So there he stayed until Lady Chocolate Labrador and Lady Chocolate Lab Owner arrive. Eager to see that all the seats and cushions wer going to comfortable enough for them I took the opportunity to try all of them. The Owner did look quite pathetic when they arrived and let him out. He has been milking it ever since telling anyone who will listen about an incident in his early childhood when he was imprisoned by a bully. Yeah!?!?! Once upon a time....
The Builders Holes
Well, talk about double standards! We went home for lunch today, The Owner and me. When we got there, Builder was just finishing putting the window and its frame back together. I thought "That looked nice", and went on a quick patrol up the garden to check to see if Builder had left any sandwich crusts round by the bench from his lunch earlier.
When I came back they were both stood around a hole they had just dug discussing things with a certain air of gravitas. Then before you could say "Bonios five times a day would be nice, please" they've got shovels and forks and a big metal bar and there are holes everywhere! They had hose pipes squirting water everywhere and of course The Owner being of a, frankly, childish nature just had to squirt it at me as well and then laugh loudly. I just hope they fill them all in before tonight, Lady Chocolate Lab is coming round this evening and I really don't want her to think I would behave in such an infantile manner. I may find a way of shutting him in the boot room tonight as a punishment.
When I came back they were both stood around a hole they had just dug discussing things with a certain air of gravitas. Then before you could say "Bonios five times a day would be nice, please" they've got shovels and forks and a big metal bar and there are holes everywhere! They had hose pipes squirting water everywhere and of course The Owner being of a, frankly, childish nature just had to squirt it at me as well and then laugh loudly. I just hope they fill them all in before tonight, Lady Chocolate Lab is coming round this evening and I really don't want her to think I would behave in such an infantile manner. I may find a way of shutting him in the boot room tonight as a punishment.
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