The Owners Been in Police Custard!!

The Owner has one of his headaches that could erupt at any moment into a full blown hamstring injury. He has not had a good day, bless him! You may recall from my last missive he was trying to find his hi-viz jacket and was intent on volunteering for the village Speedwatch.

Having presented himself for duty his offer was spurned as it was generally felt the way he was salivating with excitement as he pointed the speed gun at Manor Cleaner Lady as she passed by on her bike was perhaps inappropriate. Undeterred, he returned to the cottage and after much rummaging at the back of a drawer produced a hair dryer. Armed with his new 'speed gun' and his hi-viz jacket he set up camp outside on the road pointing the hair dryer at passing motorists. It was all going well until he decided to make a citizens arrest of one driver who turned out to be the Police Hoomun Inspector who's foot I wee'd on when he was asking inappropriate questions about The Owner when he went walkabout. After they released him from Police Custard, which sounded quite a messy thing to be in from what I could hear of it, The Owner decided to take me for a walk up on the hill. When I say walk, it really entailed me being on a lead running flat out beside The Owner, who is on Small Boy's bike. Up the big hill we went and that was when his day took a big turn for the worse. As we rounded the corner of the woods to come back down the hill, I thought I saw Lady Chocolate Lab down by the gate at the bottom and took off with a certain air of excitement about my general demeanour. I thought The Owner was joining in as no matter how hard I ran he kept up with me, whooping and shouting as he went! Well how was I to know that Small Boy had taken the brakes off his bike when he was here last. When we got to the bottom of the hill, well it wasn't Lady Chocolate Lab after all, which was just as well what with the mess he made of that gate. If my understanding of the things are correct, the five bar gate can now be considered a ten bar gate. Well I thought Farmer Hoomun may have been pleased at the increase in value of his gate but I must have missed something from the theory somewhere as Farmer Hoomun gave The Owner a bill and they always seem to upset The Owner. We may also have to visit Halfords before Small Boy visits next weekend as I don't think he is going to be too pleased with what The Owner has done to his bike! I am getting the strangest vibe from The Owner this evening, I think I may take myself to the boot room as a precaution.