Three Angry Wasps

After an early return from the studio yesterday The Owner made a cup of tea in his special heat retaining mug, which seems to have a particularly vengeful manner about it and burns The Owners mouth at every opportunity. He wandered off up the garden, wielding a trimming hook in a particularly menacing manner, as he set about the nettle patch which last season had been my favourite sunny patch up behind the Barbie. He did give me one or two strange and accusing looks as he discovered the odd plastic box that I had squirrelled away after The Owner had cooked the chops that were in them and one that still had the chops in when I found it unguarded in the kitchen. Well flavour is flavour and you can’t miss an opportunity can you? Fortunately The Owner didn't connect the row he had with Sainsbugs Delivery Yoof about missing chops in his order with my absence for an hour at the time, and the appearance of that particular piece of packaging now. After an hour or two’s activity amongst the nettles, with scald marks on his lips from the mug and nettle rash on his legs and arms reminiscent of the outbreak of some nasty tropical disease, The Owner made a bee line for the wine cabinet. Wine poured and his comfy chair beckoning, he left me feeling somewhat relieved that he hadn't discovered everything I had hidden behind the Barbie, and what he had discovered I seem to have got away with. After he went indoors I moved some of the remaining bits and pieces that I was responsible for to a safer hiding place, and went in to join him. It is about this time of day that I can sometimes manage to use my will-power, and occasionally some dribble, to make him get me a Bonio from my at-home-Bonio-bucket, which is more colourful than my studio-Bonio-bucket. So I went in and tried my luck. Result! He already had a Bonio waiting for me! So after a quick chomp I laid there drinking in the sense of comradeship of the moment. Suddenly, The Owner starts to fidget, as I could have sworn I heard a buzzing sound! It went quiet again for a moment… then more buzzing. The Owner jumped up and started patting his shirt, which seemed to prompt a more pain filled reaction than was warranted by the pat that he gave himself, and he ripped his shirt off. After much shirt flicking and flacking he threw it across the room, gave it a withering stare and sat down again. I could still hear buzzing so I took myself off to my comfy cushion, you can’t be too careful in these matters! Suddenly he leapt up spilling his wine (which meant it had to be serious) and was patting his trousers frantically and jumping around all over the place. Finally, off came his trousers too! He stood there in the lounge in just his wine soaked boxer shorts with three wasps buzzing angrily around his head seemingly irritated that he had disturbed their slumber in the loose folds of his clothing. In his attempts to avoid their angry attentions he ran twice round the dining room and out through the front door! I was just relieved that the two old ladies who smell of lavender (yuk and double phew) from the other end of the village were not walking past at the time! I wandered outside to see what he was up to and witnessed the sight of him, in his boxers, crashing through the undergrowth at the top of the garden being chased by three slightly irritated wasps. They seemed to be managing quite well and didn't need any input from me so I left them to it. Besides, I happened to notice he hadn't put the lid back on my Bonio bucket properly and when he gets back he may be a little too preoccupied to notice. I may sneak a few behind the fridge for later while I am a it. Never look a gift horse in the mouth I always say.