My Bad Start to the Morning

I am feeling a little delicate this morning and, as The Owner was part of all of it, I think I will blame him and so I am turning my back on him for the day. 

Early this morning The Owner arose from his pit and grumbled his way down the stairs. He clearly was not thinking, as instead of letting me out and then giving me my breakfast, he rushed to the loo with a certain sense of urgency about him. First came the satisfied sigh of relief as he had his wee and then the now customary singing at full volume "Stand and deliver...." followed by a raucus botty burp with such force it ought to sting. Feeling pleased with his musical and percussive efforts he went to open the back door to let me out. Well, I have needs as well, and I needed them with some urgency too! So with door cracked open enough for the nose to exit, I started my charge. I forgot the door opened inwards and I only managed to squash my nose between the door and the radiator. The Owner was clearly having a good start to his day and was laughing at me and winking in mockery at my squint acquired from the incident. Now the observant among you will have noted that our bathroom is now downstairs in our new cottage, so when The Owner takes himself off for his morning visit, with his newspaper under his arm, I am left outside the bathroom door. Now, in the K9 world you can tell a lot about someone from having a good sniff at what they "leave behind" and it has been very revealing about The Owner I can tell you! If I lay down and stuff my nose against the crack between the door and the floor I can have a good old sniff. But The Owner reckons it puts him off and takes great exception to me sniffing loudly under the door. So this morning he goes in and I begin my loud sniffs under the door. He clearly hadn't started the process and opened the door sharply. Now, not only do I have a squint caused by the door earlier, I also have a tender nose and there are nose skid marks on the floor outside the bathroom. I feel sure he is behind all my discomfort and I will be spending the day with my back to him in protest. Change that, he has gone to my biscuit barrel. I think I quite like him again!