Stinky Labs

After the last twenty four hours I am developing a somewhat less than charitable opinion of The Owner to be honest and I shall be turning my back on him until, at the earliest, coffee time. Or later, if he doesn't pay a visit to my Bonio bucket! Yesterday we had a visit from one of his friends, she came bearing wine which is always a bad start to any evening.... and a sausage..... which has made The Owner smell funny this morning! This visitor we shall refer to as Lady Black Lab Hoomun. Mainly because she came with Lady Black Lab and I immediately forgot any past allegiance to Lady Chocolate Lab who I haven't seen for some while. Since I wee'd on her Hoomuns hand bag, now I think about it! So The Owner and Lady Black Lab Owner sat in the garden at the new cottage drinking wine, laughing lots and doing hoomun stuff. But, Lady Black Lab smelled reeeeeeaaaaaally good and was remarkably receptive to my advances. I started with a little lick of her ear, well actually it was more of a lot of licking of her ear to be fair and it did get quite soggy. But that seemed to be deserving of a whack across the nose apparently. So I sat down behind The Owner's seat and then slid through on my belly to try again which apparently warranted a flick of the heel in the general direction of my nose again. The tally was roughly two licks to one reprimand so it was generally worth it I think. This morning I was hopeful of a quick patrol of the garden and a lick of the grass where she had been sitting but HE, The Owner, has been reading yesterdays Sunday paper and read another article which used the term "Stinky Labs"!!! After much fidgeting on his part he jumped up and went to the bathroom, I assumed for his morning ablutions. Then came the cry, "Jack, come on. it's bahfies time!" You see what is going on here don't you? He spelled it differently and that created just enough confusion in my mind to be duped into walking into the bathroom and straight into the trap.... which was sprung.... and I had no hope of escape. I'll give him Head and ruddy Shoulders! When I got out of there, covered in suds seeing as you asked, he had whisked away my comfy cushion and my duvet and the washing machine was purring with apparent contempt and I was sure it was grinning at me in a mocking fashion! This all upset my morning so much I forgot to go and have a lick of the grass where Lady Black Lab had been sitting! I will wait for coffee time and see whether he goes to my Bonio bucket before I decide whether to forgive him or not.